Destiny, a story in 13 parts, sixth in the "Living" series

Copyright November 21-January 9, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise 98 Degrees, the Backstreet Boys, and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor, the Savage Garden slashers, and anyone who's actually following this series.  This one is for Diamond, of course, because I like to encourage intelligent, generous people.  It's also for everyone who asked for Part Ten.  Here's Part Ten!

Notice: "Living" series: "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," and "Rest in Peace."


Destiny is everything.    -"Set Adrift on Memory Bliss"

"Destiny" Part Ten: Don't leave me hangin' here forever
-"Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)"


        Lance yawned, shuffling towards the bathroom.  He cringed, feeling an extra twinge from the crick in his neck.  He should have slept on the floor instead of the sofa.

        He paused by the bedroom door.  He wanted to check, to make sure that they were okay.  They sounded quiet.  He could just knock and wake them.  He could leave them alone.

        He was hesitant to open the stupid door because the last time he'd done that, he'd gotten a healthy glimpse of something he'd never wanted to see.

        He cracked the door and peeked.

        Seconds passed.

        Minutes passed.

        Lance wasn't sure how long he might have stood there, watching.  But he remembered that they deserved privacy, so he closed the door softly and went to the bathroom.  He'd let them sleep a little longer.


        Brian shifted back against Drew a little.  Drew pressed closer to him in sleep, hand slipping from his hip into his pubic hair.  That was nice.  It was also one of Nick's habits.

        There was a little space now between Brian and Nick.  He put his fingers to Nick's sleep-warmed skin.  Nick's body wasn't as defined as Drew's.  Nobody had abs like Drew.  Brian liked Nick's body, a satisfying combination of muscle and flesh.

        He wasn't quite sure how he could be in love with two very different people.  Or why he found two very different body types equally appealing, even equally sexy.  Drew was not a large person, but had the best muscle definition Brian had seen.  Well, the best muscle definition Brian had seen that wasn't gross and overdeveloped.

        So there was Drew, compact and tight.

        And then there was Nick.  Tall.  Strong, from natural and work-related purposes, but not really buff.  And Nick had an extra layer, flesh or fat or something, that Drew didn't have.  Which made him look healthy.  And filled out leather pants like...

        Nick was tall, young, blond, blue-eyed.  Drew was short, Brian's age, brown-haired, and hazel-eyed.

        Drew was mature and responsible; Nick wasn't always.

        Nick was - - awake.

        "Hi."

        "Hi."

        Nick reached down and gently tugged on Drew's fingers.  Drew's hand slipped down slightly, and his fingers curled loosely around Brian's cock.  Then Nick rolled over, settled back against Brian's chest, and returned to sleep.


        Justin was snappish and irritable.

        JC took Tylenol and kept quiet.

        When Justin tried to pick a fight with JC, JC ignored him.

        When Justin tried to pick a fight with Lance, he counted to ten.  Slowly.  More than once.  And then calmly told Justin to fuck off.

        Justin stormed out of the apartment.  He took JC's keys and JC's car.

        Lance, for just a moment, wondered if Justin would be in a better mood if JC had screwed him last night.


        There was a tongue in his ear.

        Brian squirmed.

        Nick chuckled.  It was either a seductive, wicked chuckle or a perverted, nasty chuckle.  It was sort of hard to tell with Nick.  Then Nick started sucking on his earlobe.

        Brian pushed at Nick's stomach and rolled over, his back to Nick.

        Drew's warm silky body wrapped around him, pressed against him, hard cock at his hip, lips at his shoulder.

        "I thought you were sleeping," Brian said, once his brain was as awake as his body.  Drew slid against him and licked his jaw.

        "I woke him up," Nick said.

        "Why?"

        "So we could fuck you."

        Drew kissed his mouth.

        "Can we?" Nick asked.  "You said we could in the shower.  You said I could, but you'll let Drew too, won't you?  I think you need a shower now."

        "Not yet," Drew said.  "Let me get him dirty first."

        Nick made a hot, shocked sound.  Brian moaned.  Drew licked Brian's balls.


        "Why haven't we had sex on the kitchen table?"

        Jeff burrowed closer.

        "Jeff.  Jeff.  Jeff."

        "M sleeng," Jeff said.

        Nick noticed that Jeff was on his side of the bed.  Again.  Which would be okay, except that there was about a millimeter of space between Nick and the edge.  He pushed.  He pushed harder.  Jeff frowned and did that burrowing thing again.  So Nick did something not very nice.

        "Ouch!"  Jeff was across the bed, sitting up, wide-eyed.  "What the - - what the - - why the - - did you do that?!"

        "That's your side of the bed.  This is mine.  You stay over there."

        "What?"

        "I'm tired of ending up on my butt on the floor."

        "What?  That hurt."

        "You'll live."

        Jeff smacked Nick's shoulder.  "Don't do it again."

        "Stop pushing me out of bed!"

        "I don't push you out of bed."

        "Yes, you do."

        "Not on purpose.  And I'm not going to have sex with you if you're going to damage the equipment."

        "It's fine."

        "It hurts."

        Nick felt a little worm of worry.  "Really?"

        "Yes."

        "Sorry."

        "I'm really pushing you out of bed?"

        "Yeah."

        "Sorry."

        "We don't have to have defined boundaries or anything.  Like your side, my side.  But can you try not to take up the entire bed by yourself?"

        "Yeah."

        "Is it okay?"

        "It hurts."

        Nick reached out; Jeff put his hand to his groin protectively.  "I'm not going to hurt it."

        "You already did."

        "Let me see."

        "No."

        "I'll kiss it and make it better."

        "Don't bite it."

        "I'm not going to bite it!"

        "Be nice to it," Jeff said, and let Nick get closer.

        "It's fine."

        "It hurts."

        "You're a wimp."

        "You want me to do that to you?"

        "No!"

        "We'd better make sure it still works."

        "I think it's fine."

        "You do it."

        "Do what?"

        "You know."

        "Why can't you?"

        "It hurts.  You do it...gentler."

        "Do it yourself."

        "It'll go faster if you do it."

        "Why?"

        "You turn me on."

        "Oh."

        "Yeah."

        "Oh."

        "Yeah."  Jeff tipped back his head, eyes closing.  "Yeah."


        "We'll waste water."

        "You said I could."

        "It's not going to work."

        "You said I could."

        "We'll slip and fall and hurt ourselves."

        "You said I could."

        "You-"

        "You said I could."

        Brian turned to Drew for help.

        Drew smiled innocently.

        "He gets hard when we're wet," Nick said.  "You know he wants to watch me fuck you in the shower."

        "Just once," Brian said.

        "You turn on the water, I'll get the lube."


        "Why don't we have sex on the kitchen table?"

        "It's unsanitary."

        "We can wash the table when we're finished."

        "We'd fall off and break our necks."

        "No we wouldn't."

        "Yes, we would."

        Nick thought about it.  Maybe Jeff was right.  "I want to try it."

        "We are not having sex on the kitchen table."

        "You won't even try it."

        "Why do you want to do this?"

        "We've had sex everywhere else."

        "And usually I have to get you so horny you can't say no first."

        "That takes, what, ten seconds?"

        "At most."  Jeff grinned.

        Nick smiled.

        "Is this about Nick?"

        "Nick?"

        "Drew and Brian just had sex with him on the kitchen table.  And Drew and Brian had sex on the kitchen table before that."

        "We're not in some competition."

        "I know."

        "They liked it."

        "I think Nick would like sex on a bed of nails if Drew or Brian were there."

        "You wouldn't?"  Nick wished, wished, wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

        Jeff was surprised.  He thought about it.  "Why did you say that?"

        "It's true."

        "That I want Drew and Brian?"

        "Yeah."

        "Yes.  I want Drew and Brian."

        "And Nick."

        "And Nick."

        "You're not going to have sex with me on the table, are you?" Nick asked.

        "Not until I'm sure it's because you want me on the table."

        "What else-"

        "You want Drew on the table.  And Brian.  And Nick.  And I want you to be having sex with me, not three other people."

        "It's not..."

        "I want them.  You want them.  They want us.  We all know it.  It doesn't matter."

        "It doesn't?"

        "Not really.  But I'm not going to be the stand-in for your fantasies."

        "You're not."

        "Good."


        Nick was lying in the bottom of the tub, laughing.

        Brian was staring at the metal in his hand, horrified.

        Drew quickly turned off the water.

        "You broke the shower," Nick said.

        "I told you we shouldn't do this!" Brian said, and kicked Nick's thigh.

        "You broke the shower!"

        "Stop laughing!"

        "You broke the shower!"

        "It is kind of funny," Drew admitted.

        "What are we supposed to do now?" Brian demanded.

        "Buy a new showerhead," Drew said.

        "Stick to baths," Nick said.

        "From now on, we are having sex in bed," Brian said.

        "Oh, punish us," Nick said.

        "That's not a - - both of you?"

        "Both of us," Nick said.  "Drew was naughty.  He wanted me to fuck you in the shower."

        "It was your idea."

        "You know he wanted it.  He wanted to do it, too.  Hey, try it.  Let's see what else you can break."

        Drew handed Brian a towel.  "I'll call the plumber."

        "Not yet," Nick said.  "It's your turn to fuck Brian."

        "You want to?" Drew asked Brian.

        "In bed," Brian said.

        "That's boring," Nick said.

        Brian and Drew looked at him.

        Nick thought about what he'd just said.  Brian and Drew and sex.  Boring.  "Never mind."


        Justin drove.

        Drew sighed with pleasure and kissed Brian's mouth.  Brian pressed him down a little into the soft mattress, one hand warm on the back of his thigh.  Nick was in the audience, refusing to participate.  Drew opened one eye to check; yes, there Nick was, crouched on the floor, watching.

        "Ignore him," Brian whispered against Drew's lips.

        Nick wanted to be ignored, anyway.  Nick liked the idea of the two of them making love, alone, together.  Drew felt like Nick's personal porn movie.

        He wasn't used to having Brian all to himself.  It was nice.  It was very nice.

        There was a slight difference between Nick's touch and Brian's touch that was rather difficult to explain.  They both loved him, and they both wanted to arouse him.  But Nick's touch was more innately sexual, more explicitly designed to turn him on and make him hard.  Brian's touch was a shade less sexual and a bit more loving.

        Brian was warm and Nick was hot.

        No, that wasn't right.

        Because Brian was very hot.

        Drew lifted his knee and rolled them over, kissing Brian deeper, licking Brian's tongue, ignoring Nick's pleased sound.

        He hadn't been able to believe it when he'd figured out that Brian wanted him.  Brian had Nick; why would Brian want anybody else?  Nick was so sexual and so experienced that Brian couldn't really want Drew.

        But he'd very much wanted Brian.

        It was hard to explain wanting Brian, or loving Brian, without talking about Nick.  Because when Drew tried to separate out his feelings for one of them, it was like there were little strings connecting all of his emotions, and when he sorted through them, they tugged on each other.

        When he'd first wanted Brian, he hadn't known what he knew now.  He hadn't known that Brian would touch his face and gaze into his eyes and say beautiful things.  He hadn't known that Brian's tongue on his cock would short-circuit his brain.  He hadn't known that watching Brian's eyes close in ecstasy would make his heart stop.

        He couldn't have guessed that a loving and familiar touch would leave ripples of erotic pleasure in its wake.  He couldn't have guessed that Brian whispering his name could mean, all at once, in one syllable, that Brian loved him, that Brian wanted him, that he was making Brian feel things that no one else did, that no one else could.  He couldn't have guessed that running his hand over Brian's naked skin would make his own skin flush with heat.  He couldn't have guessed how completely Brian would take care of him.

        But he had known some things.  He could guess.  He'd known that Brian's hair would be soft under his fingertips.  He'd known that Brian would look as beautiful naked as dressed.  He'd known that touching Brian's naked body would make him hard.  He'd known that he wanted to kiss Brian's mouth.

        Who could have predicted this?  That Brian's kisses were slow, and that being kissed by Brian was like making love.  That when Brian kissed his nipples and he shivered and groaned, that Brian moaned, too.  That when Brian touched or sucked his cock, Brian got hard, too.  That every time he was behind Brian for any reason, even for a moment in a hallway, he checked out Brian's butt.  That Brian wasn't only friendly and loving but fun and generous and thoughtful, which only made the sex better and better.

        Because making love with someone who really cared, who really wanted him to feel good, meant that Brian was paying attention to him.  Brian seemed to note his responses, and then take advantage of them.  Brian could read him, and remember.  By now Brian seemed to know his body well, knew him well; knew what he liked, knew what made his blood simmer, knew what made him breathless with pleasure, knew what made him lose it.

        The insides of Brian's thighs were sensitive.  It was a strange and tantalizing fact.  Drew kept wanting to stroke Brian there.  Which was rather distracting when he was supposed to be working.  He just kept picturing his hand there.

        Or Nick's hand there.

        Or Nick's mouth there.

        He suspected that, apart from Nick's native tendencies, Nick's penchant for cocksucking had something to do with Brian.  Brian had been Nick's first and only male lover, so most of Nick's gay experience centered around Brian.

        And Brian loved to have his cock sucked.

        He suffered it beautifully.  His cheeks flushed, and his eyes were bright, and he made these sounds.  His eyes would close, and his hips would cant forward, and...oh, god...Drew couldn't help but swallow Brian's cock, take it all in, just to make Brian moan, just to...

        Just to give Brian pleasure.  Just to make Brian come.  Because once he'd seen Brian mid-orgasm, moaning and shuddering and coming and high and suffering and beautiful, lost to desire and stolen by passion, that good sweet wholesome man swept with ecstasy; once he'd seen that, once he'd experienced that, once he'd put Brian there himself, he had to do it again.

        And again.

        And again.

        Brian made him feel things he'd never felt before, took him places he'd never expected, never known.  When he'd first made love with Brian alone, in that hotel room, without Nick...  He'd been on his own for the first time, in a sense, because until then when he'd had sex he'd had Nick.  That time, Nick had left him.  Alone.  With Brian.

        He should have been afraid.  It had been a new experience with a new person, someone he didn't know very well, someone who wanted his boyfriend.  But he hadn't been afraid.  And when they'd touched, he'd known, oh yes, he wanted this, he was going to have this, and it would be all right.

        It would be all right.

        It had been more than all right.

        He had been nervous.  He'd never done to Nick what he did to Brian that night.  But he'd trusted Brian to show him.  He'd trusted Brian, period.

        He still did.

        They hadn't had that connection then.  Not the one they had now.  Now, they knew each other.  Sexually, emotionally.  He could read Brian now; he could feel Brian.  Brian understood him.

        He'd been lucky, fortunate, blessed, to have Nick.  To make a connection with Nick.  He'd never expected that he could do the same with anyone else.

        He'd known full well that Nick loved Brian.  That Nick and Brian had a link that couldn't be broken.  He'd expected to sit outside and observe it, to accept it.  Not to be a part of it.

        But he was a part of it.  He had joined their connection, their bond, their deep friendship and deeper love.

        One day, in a hotel room, he had given Nick back to Brian.

        And more recently, in a church, Nick had given Brian to him.

        And he knew that Brian had given Nick to him.  Brian could have taken Nick from him at any moment, at any second, in the beginning of their relationship.  But Brian had stood back and let him have Nick, let Nick have him.  He had to respect the love in that sacrifice.  He had respected it.  Anyone who loved Nick had his love.

        "Drew," Brian said, and moaned.

        He watched Brian's eyes close.  His heart stopped.

        He pumped his hips forward, just an inch, two.  Brian moaned.  Once more.  Oh, yes, here it came.  Thrust, thrust, thrust, Brian groaned, and Brian whispered, "Drew," and arched beautifully.

        Sparks of pleasure sizzled down Drew's spine.  He wished that he had that moment on video.  It always did something to him, something deep inside, something that twisted with pleasure and a bit of pride.  That he could do that to Brian.  That Brian did that for him.

        He could make Brian do it again, if he hit the angle just right.

        Oh...yes...


        "You look like shit," Joey said to JC, staring.

        "Thanks," JC said, and took a seat at the table in the corner.

        "Where's Justin?" Lance asked.

        "Not here," Joey said.

        "Great," Lance said.

        "Where is he?" Chris asked.

        "He took off this morning," JC said.

        "For where?"

        "I don't know," JC said.

        "He'd better be here," Lance said.

        "We have to get this finished today," Chris agreed.

        "We're already late," Joey said.

        "You want me to go get him?" JC asked.

        "You don't know where he is," Joey said.

        "I can find him," JC said.

        "We'll start working," Lance said.  "You go get him.  We have work to do."

        JC nodded and rose.  "Can I borrow your car?"

        "Where are you going?" Lance asked, tossing him the keys.

        "To find Justin."

        "Where?"

        "Wherever he is."

        "You're just going to follow the psychic vibrations?" Chris asked.

        "Yeah," JC said.  "See you."


        "Sorry," Drew said, hurrying into the room.

        "You're late," Jeff said.

        "I know, I'm sorry," Drew said.

        "Where've you been?" Justin asked.

        "The showerhead broke."

        "Really?" Nick asked.

        "Yeah," Drew said.

        Jeff's eyes narrowed.  "You okay?"

        "Yeah," Drew said.

        Jeff glanced at Nick.  Nick glanced at Jeff.

        "You guys have got to get better bathroom fixtures," Justin said.

        "Why?" Drew asked.

        "Your showerhead broke, theirs broke last week."

        Drew looked at Nick and Jeff.  "It did?"

        Nick coughed and turned away; Jeff smirked.  "Yeah."

        Drew turned red and reached for the sheet music.


        JC drove.

        Nick ran his fingers over Brian's nape.

        Brian made a mild, distracted, interrogative noise.

        "Brian."

        He did it again.

        "Brian."

        He frowned and played the recording again.

        "Brian."

        "Nick!  What?" Brian asked, turning off the recording.

        "Can I fuck you?"

        "Not now."

        "Later?"

        "Yes, later."

        "When?"

        "When we get home."

        "Can we go home now?"

        "Nick.  We're working.  I'm working.  This sounds like crap and I don't know why and I'm trying to get this done so we can finish the album in time.  Okay?  Once we finish here, then we can go home and you can do whatever you want to me.  But right now, I'm trying to get this done."

        "Okay."

        "You could help me."

        Nick stroked Brian's nape.  "It sounds like crap because it's in a minor key and the violins are rushing the third measure."

        Brian listened to it.  "Oh," he said, and blinked.

        "Can we go home now?"


        Justin unlocked the front door and let himself into the apartment.  He dropped to the sofa and sighed.

        Then he froze.

        He felt heat.

        "JC?"

        "You're home," JC's voice said behind him.

        Justin twisted, turning on the sofa to look.  JC walked over from the kitchen.  "What are you doing here?  You're supposed to be at Jive."

        "So are you," JC said.  "You want to tell me why you're not?"

        "I was out."

        "We have work to do."

        "We always have work to do."

        "We haven't been doing it."

        "Maybe I need a break."

        "You've had a break."

        "I need a break from you."

        "Then take one.  But first get your butt in the studio so we can finish this album before it's time to start the next one."

        "We're not that late."

        "We're behind schedule."

        "We'll live."

        "Justin, if you want to act like a child, don't do it on studio time.  We need to get this album finished.  We can do the rest of it without you, but we need you to lay down your vocals."

        "I did."

        "They're crap."

        "They are not."

        "We can't use half of what you've given us."

        "It was okay before."

        "Yeah, well, we were lying to you because you were upset."

        "You lied to me?"

        "Scott and Lance lied to you."

        "Bastards.  It really sucks?"

        "Some of it."

        "Shit."  Justin sagged against the back of the sofa.  "Shit."

        JC came around to sit beside Justin.  He didn't touch Justin, but when Justin leaned against him, he put his hand on Justin's arm.

        Justin sighed.  "Shit.  Okay.  Let's go.  How much do I need to record again?"

        "Not much."

        "You said half."

        "I was exaggerating to get you upset."

        "Oh.  Bastard."

        JC rubbed Justin's arm.  "Come on.  Let's get back to work."


        "Can we stop for lunch?" Nick asked.

        "No," Kevin said.

        "I'm hungry."

        "You can wait," Kevin said.

        "Aren't you hungry?"

        "No," Kevin said.

        "It's two o'clock."

        "It's one thirty.  And we'd have more done if you hadn't gotten here late."

        Nick sighed.  "I have to go to the bathroom."

        "Don't even think about it," Brian said.

        "I-"

        "Nick, sit there and pretend to work," Brian said.

        "What is wrong with you today?" AJ asked Nick.  "You have the attention span of a gnat."

        "Nothing," Nick said, and watched Brian.  "I really have to go to the bathroom."

        "No you don't," Brian said.

        "Just for a second."

        "No."

        "I'll make it quick."

        "No."

        "We're not talking about going to the bathroom, are we?" Howie asked.

        "Okay," Kevin said, "we are taking a ten minute break.  Anyone not back here in ten minutes ready to work," he glared at Nick, "is out of the band."

        Nick grabbed Brian's hand and dragged him towards the door.

        "What are-" Brian tried to ask as Nick hauled him towards the elevator.

        "No time to talk," Nick said, and pushed the button.

        "Nick-"

        "Ten minutes," Nick said, almost hopping with impatience.  When the doors opened, he darted into the elevator and pushed the button for the next floor.  "Should have taken the stairs."

        "Nick.  We're not-"

        "Faster, faster," Nick muttered as the doors closed.

        "Why are you like this?"

        "In the shower.  Came so hard you broke it.  Drew fucked you and you...  Faster!"

        "Nick!"

        Nick dragged Brian down the hallway and walked into the Degrees' room.  "Borrowing Drew.  Back in ten minutes."

        "Nick-"

        "Come with me now," Nick said.  "Ten minutes.  Right back.  So fast."

        "Nick-"

        "Nick-"

        Nick herded Brian back out of the room, pulling Drew along after himself.  "Bathroom, bathroom, where's the bathroom?"

        "We're not doing it in the bathroom," Brian said.

        "Nick, I'm supposed to be working," Drew said.

        "I'll put you back where I got you," Nick said.  "Bathroom!"  Triumphantly, he flipped on the light.  "I'll guard the door.  You two fuck each other."

        "What's wrong with him?" Drew asked Brian.

        "He's been like this all day," Brian said.

        "Are you..."  Drew hesitated.  "You liked this morning?" he asked Nick.

        "You're not fucking," Nick said.  "Faster."

        "We're in a public bathroom," Brian said.

        "We can't do anything in here," Drew said.

        "You're wasting time," Nick said.  "Brian said that when we get home tonight, I can do whatever I want to him."

        "No I didn't," Brian said.

        "You did," Nick said.  "You said that when we go home tonight, I can do whatever I want to you."

        Drew licked his lips.  "Really?"

        "Whatever I want," Nick said.

        "Don't get ideas," Brian said to Nick.

        "Too late."

        Brian shook his head and walked over to the sinks.

        Nick reached out and tugged Drew closer.  "Hey."

        Drew rested comfortably by Nick, watching Brian.

        "Ask me."

        "Ask you what?"

        "What you're dying to ask me."

        Drew turned red.

        "Ask me."

        "What...  What are you...what do you want to do to Brian tonight?"

        "What do you want me to do to him?"

        Drew swallowed.

        "You can tell me."  Nick kissed Drew's cheek and whispered, softly, in Drew's ear, "Tell me what you want me to do to Brian for you."

        When Brian glanced over, Drew was whispering in Nick's ear, his hands on Nick's shoulders.  Nick had stooped to listen, right hand on Drew's hip, left hand on his own crotch.

        "What are you talking about?" Brian asked.

        "You.  Go away," Nick said.

        "What about me?"

        "Nothing.  Go away."  He gasped.

        Brian walked closer to them.  "Nick?"

        Drew ducked his head, cheeks red.  Nick was breathing hard.

        "Drew?" Brian asked.

        Drew's shy eyes were dark with desire when he looked at Brian.  He looked away again quickly, ashamed.

        "No," Nick said, upset.  "Brian, make him stop that."

        "What were you telling Nick?" Brian asked.

        Drew swallowed.

        Brian stroked Drew's cheek.  "Drew?"

        "He asked me..."  Drew's eyes flickered to Brian's and away again.  "He asked me to tell him.  What I want him."  Drew swallowed.  "To do to you."

        Brian's cock twitched.  "And you told him?"

        Drew hesitated.  "Yes."

        "Drew?"

        His gaze almost met Brian's.  "Yes?"

        "You don't have to tell me."

        "Okay."  Drew reached for the door handle.  "I have to get back to work."  He almost glanced at Nick, and disappeared.

        "Oh my god," Nick said when the door closed.  "Brian.  He was so hot.  He just leaned up towards me and started whispering so hot and dirty in my ear, it was like porn, I had no fucking clue that he had thoughts like that, that he could say that stuff.  I thought that I was going to come in my pants.  I still might.  Just thinking about it.  The inside of his head is like a sex shop.  I wonder what he wants you to do to me.  I have to ask him."

        "Are you going to do it?  What he said?"

        "Hell yes.  God.  I'm going to get him to tell me more.  And don't interrupt next time.  That stuff will give me masturbation fantasies for the next ten years."

        Brian smiled.  "Only ten?"

        "At least.  Hey.  You want me to get him to tell you that stuff?"

        "Not if he doesn't want to."

        "Why wouldn't he want to?"

        "You know he's not always comfortable."

        "He can tell you anything."

        "He can tell you anything."

        Nick frowned.  "You really think that?  That he tells me stuff and not you?"

        "He's more comfortable saying things like that to you."

        "Because I'm a slut."

        "Nick."

        "No, but you know what I mean.  That's stupid.  He's not telling me anything he wouldn't be just as happy telling you."

        "Nick, it's okay with me."

        "No it's not."

        "He's always been more willing to talk to you.  About those things."

        "About sex."

        "Yes."

        "That's not true."

        "Yes, it is."

        "Why?"

        "Maybe he thinks that you're more receptive."

        "That's a compliment, right?"

        "Yes."

        "Okay.  We're late.  Kevin's going to kick us out of the band.  And then we're going home to have sex.  And I'm going to prove that you're wrong about this thing."

        "Nick, it doesn't bother me."

        "It bothers me."


        Jeff quietly asked Drew, "You okay?"

        "Yeah," Drew said.

        "Your ears are red."

        "It's warm in here."

        "It's air-conditioned.  But you're sweating anyway."  He smiled.

        Drew turned redder.

        "You okay?"

        "Yeah."

        "What did Nick want?"

        "He, uh, asked me something."

        Jeff put a hand on Drew's arm.  "You okay?"

        "How do you work with Nick?" Drew asked.  "You're around him all day.  I spent a few minutes with Nick and Brian and I don't think I'll be able to form one coherent work-related thought for the rest of the afternoon.  How do you do it?"

        "He threw you for a loop?"

        "I threw myself," Drew said.  "He does that to me."

        "Nick?"

        "Both of them."

        "How do I work with Nick?" Jeff asked, returning to the question.  "I do my work.  And in between coming up with musical brilliance and learning how to dance, I have sex fantasies."

        "Really?"

        "That's what I do.  All day long.  I sing, I dance, I think about having sex with your brother."

        "I know what that's like."

        Jeff smiled.  "I guess you do."

        "I didn't mean that!  Not like that.  Not Nick.  Not that Nick.  My Nick.  And Brian.  Not...not him."

        At Drew's protest, Jeff merely smiled again.  Drew groaned in defeat.  Jeff laughed and changed the subject.

        Nick watched them.

        Justin stayed out of it.

        Nick kept watching.  They were gradually moving closer together, shifting their stances, until they were standing so close that Jeff's cocked knee brushed Drew's leg.  Jeff's hand moved from Drew's arm to his back, sliding down, down; Drew's hand rested on Jeff's shoulder.  As they were discussing music, and looking at the music, it was reasonable for them to stand in close proximity; and there was certainly nothing objectionable in a hand on a shoulder.

        Nick licked his lips.

        Nothing objectionable at all.

        "If he puts his hand on your little brother's butt, you are going to say something, right?" Justin asked softly.

        Nick coughed and left the room.

        Justin laughed and went back to work.

        Jeff and Drew tossed the closing door puzzled glances and returned to their discussion.


        Joey poked Chris.  "What's with them?"

        "What?"

        "JC and Justin."

        "They're working."

        "They're Employees of the Month all of a sudden."

        "I guess JC talked to Justin."

        "Did he threaten him or something?  They're like super-professionals."

        "I guess they want to get the album done."

        "All of a sudden?"

        "The sooner it's finished, the sooner they can go home and screw each other."

        The raucous laughter from the corner attracted Lance's attention.  "What's with them?"

        JC shrugged.  "They're idiots.  Ignore them."

        "Can we lower the bass here?" Justin asked.


        Drew knocked on the Backstreet Boys's door.  AJ reached over from his chair and opened it.  "Hey."

        "Sorry to interrupt," he said.  "We're calling it a day."

        "Take Nick with you," Kevin said.

        Nick smacked the back of Kevin's head.  "We'll be home in an hour or two," he told Drew.

        "Or three or four," Brian said.

        "So if we're late, you go ahead and tuck yourself into bed," Nick said.  "Hey, come here for a second."

        Drew weaved his way past AJ and Howie.  "What?"

        "Smile for me."

        Puzzled but obliging, Drew smiled.

        Nick kissed one dimple and licked the other.  "Okay.  Go home."

        Drew kissed Nick's cheek, then Brian's.  "Bye, everybody."  He left.

        "Want him," Nick said.  "Okay.  Back to work."


        Nick hummed to himself mildly as he stacked bowls in the cupboard.  Dropping knives into the drawer, he started to sing softly.  "All I am, all I'll be, everything in this world, all that I'll ever need is in your eyes, shining at me."  Spoons, forks.  "When you smile I can feel all my passion unfolding.  Your hand brushes mine, and a thousand sensations seduce me cause I, I do cherish you."  Hmm hmm hmm, plates, more plates, "if you're asking if I love you this much, I..."

        His jaw dropped.

        Jeff quirked an eyebrow.

        Table.  Kitchen table.  Jeff.  Lounging there, leaning back on his hands.  Bare feet.  Bare arms.  Bare chest.  Half-naked Jeff sitting on the kitchen table waiting for him.

        Jeff gave him the cheap yet sultry come-hither, I-dare-you, I-know-you-want-me look.

        Nick stepped forward and put a hand on Jeff's thigh, feeling the swell of muscle through denim.

        Jeff kissed him.

        Oh, that was a good kiss.  Good, good kiss.  Oh.  Oh yes.  Nick wanted to get closer, but the edge of the table was in the way.  So he climbed up onto the table, on top of Jeff, who stretched out easily beneath him.  Keeping their mouths connected, Nick reached back and tugged off one shoe, then the other.  Next went his socks.  He broke the kiss only to back up and pull off his T-shirt.  Jeff stroked up his chest quickly and rolled them over on the table.

        There wasn't very far to roll.  And the table wasn't all that comfortable.

        But Jeff was lying on top of him, kissing his mouth, caressing his chest with one hand, tipping his head back with the other.  Licking and sucking down his neck.  Nick wasn't going to complain about a thing.

        "What do you want?" Jeff asked, and kissed his nipple.

        "Anything."

        Jeff laughed and kissed his mouth.  "What do you want?" Jeff tried again.

        "Suck me?" he asked with a tremor of hope.

        "Okay."  Jeff kissed him.  "One blowjob, coming up."


        Drew nestled into the corner of the sofa.  Settled comfortably, he watched the television screen idly.  Nick and Brian would be home soon.  He'd just wait.

        They'd be tired.  Maybe they'd wait and make love tomorrow.

        He could wait.

        Maybe they wouldn't be tired.  They were used to long hours.  Maybe they'd make love tonight.

        That would be nice.

        He'd like to make love with them.

        He'd like to lick in between Brian's thighs.  Slide his finger inside Nick.  Touch their naked bodies.  Taste the sweet skin behind Brian's earlobe.  Put his lips to Nick's cock and make it hard.  Feel their, their fingers, their tongues, right, right there, inside.

        He felt hot suddenly, too warm, his cock hard, those muscles contracting like he was being touched right now.  He forced himself to calm down, staring hard at the wall, not thinking about wanting Nick's long fingers inside his body.

        Not thinking about that at all.


        JC looked awful.

        Justin wasn't used to that.  He'd seen JC look a lot of different ways, but never awful.  It was wrong.  It was just wrong, and every time he looked at JC he had to make a mental adjustment.

        It was his fault.  He'd hit JC.  He'd caused JC pain and he'd shed JC's blood.

        He didn't feel good about it.  He didn't feel justified.  He felt sick.

        JC would never hit him.  JC would never hurt him like that.  And if he were hurt, JC would take care of him, make him feel better.

        Justin scratched his head.  Well, he could try...

        He stood by JC's chair where JC was writing at the desk.  "Can I get you something?"

        "No thanks," JC said, sounding distracted.

        Justin shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  "A drink?"

        "No thanks."

        "You want to fuck me?"

        JC looked up at him slowly.

        Justin wanted to fidget.

        "May I make love to you?" JC asked.

        "Yeah, okay."


        Nick trudged up the stairs.  "Tired."

        Brian followed.

        "Want sex."

        The corners of Brian's mouth lifted in a small smile.

        Nick walked into the bedroom in the dark.  Then he paused.  He walked towards the bed.  "Drew's not here."

        Brian turned on the light.  "Where is he?"

        "Drew?" Nick asked, and checked the bathroom.  "We lost him.  He was kidnapped.  He's hiding under the bed.  He ran away from home."

        "His car's here."

        "Downstairs," Nick said, and they retraced their steps.  They checked the kitchen first, then noticed a light towards the back of the house.  Entering the den, they found Drew asleep on the sofa.

        Brian turned off the TV.

        "You kiss him awake.  I'll get him naked."

        Brian pushed Nick aside and crouched by the sofa.  "Drew," he said gently, and ran his thumb over Drew's temple.  "Drew, wake up."

        "You almost said 'sweetheart.'"

        "I did not."

        "You did so."

        "Be quiet."

        Nick laughed.

        "Drew," Brian said softly.

        Drew frowned a little.

        "Drew."

        Hazel eyes opened.  "Mmm.  Hi.  What time is it?"

        "It's late.  Why didn't you go to bed?"

        Drew blinked sleepily.  "I was waiting for you."

        Drew's voice was deeper, softer, a shade huskier from sleep.  "Come up to bed," Brian said.

        "Wake me up to send me to bed," Drew said, sounding amused but tired.  He took Brian's hand and stood, then started walking from the room.  Brian, attached to his hand, followed.  Nick trailed after them.

        Upstairs, Drew let go of Brian and stripped, then crawled into bed.  Brian looked at Drew, naked and cosy and half-asleep, and had to get over some very strong urges not to brush his teeth, just to get into bed and-

        Brian went into the bathroom and closed the door.

        Nick opened the door and said, "I like tired Drew."

        "Why?" Brian asked.

        "Like you have to ask?" Nick asked.  "He's cute, he's easy, and he's usually hard."

        Brian smiled.

        "What?" Nick asked.

        "Sounds like you."  He spat toothpaste into the sink.  "Let him sleep."

        "He wants sex.  He was up waiting for us."

        "He was asleep."

        "If he comes on to me, I'm going to take advantage of him."

        "Behave."

        "Are you going to get me off?"

        "We can't make love while he's sleeping in the bed."

        "Sure we can."

        "No we can't."

        "We did it before."

        "He wasn't really sleeping."

        "You guys have sex without me."

        "Because you want us to."

        "He likes to watch us."

        "He's asleep."  Brian kissed Nick.  "Go to bed."  He kissed Nick again and went to the bedroom, turning off the light, crawling in beside Drew.  He was infinitely pleased when Drew snuggled up to him as though he were Drew's personal body pillow.

        Nick got in behind Drew and did something that made Drew hum softly against Brian's neck.  "Drew," Nick whispered.  Nick leaned over and kissed Brian's cheek.  "Drew."

        Drew made a small, contented noise.

        "Drew, can I suck you off?" Nick whispered.

        "Nick," Brian protested softly.

        "Drew, can I?" Nick asked.

        Drew sighed softly and shifted against Brian.

        "Drew," Nick whispered.  "Hey.  Brian.  Are you hard?"

        Brian hesitated.  "A little."

        "Is Drew?"

        "A little."

        "Drew," Nick whispered, and did something that made Drew squirm.  "Wake up."

        "Stop it," Brian said.  "Let him rest."

        "M wake," Drew said.

        "See?" Nick asked.

        "Leave him alone," Brian said, and stroked Drew's back.  "Go to sleep," he said softly.  Drew gave a tiny yawn and snuggled closer.

        "So fucking cute," Nick said.  "The two of you.  I can't stand it.  I have to go jerk off in the bathroom."

        "Kay," Drew said sleepily.

        "Drew?  Drew.  Can I suck you?"

        "Nn.  Kay."

        "Nick," Brian said. "Give up."

        "Drew.  Roll over.  Come here."

        "He's not a dog," Brian said.

        "Duh.  Have you looked at him?" Nick asked.  "Drew.  C'mere.  Let go of Brian.  Let go of Brian.  Let go."  Nick tugged.

        Drew made a protesting noise and stayed where he was.

        "Drew, if you let go I'll suck you."

        "Nnn."  Drew shook himself slightly and rolled over.  "Nick?"

        "Good boy."  Nick stroked between Drew's thighs.

        "Nick," Drew said, sounding shocked.  He gasped, then moaned.

        "Tired?" Nick asked.

        "What...oh..."  Drew's hips moved forward into Nick's hand.  The rest of him backed into Brian.

        "Why'd you fall asleep on the sofa?"  Drew moaned.  "Why did you fall asleep on the sofa?  Were you waiting for us?"

        "Yes."

        "You wanted us to come home and take you to bed?"

        "Yes."

        "For what?  To do what in bed?"

        "Make love."

        "You want to fuck me?"

        "Yes."  Drew moaned.

        "You want to fuck Brian?"

        "Oh, yes."

        "You want anything else?"

        Drew moaned, his hips starting to rock.

        "Drew, you want something?"

        "Yes."

        "Tell me what you want.  Tell me.  What do you want?"

        "No, no," and he gasped.

        "Tell me what you want and I'll do it.  Brian will do it.  Just tell us and you know we'll do it."

        "No, no."  Drew's hips rocked back and rubbed against Brian.  "Make love to me," he said, panting, Nick's fingers on his flesh.

        For one moment, Brian was there, so close, his cock hard and ready and pressed right up against Drew's ass, Drew asking for it and clearly wanting it, and everything was clear and possible and full of promise.  All of his desires fulfilled.

        And then his mind seized control back from his body.  Brian jerked back, away from Drew, saying quickly, "No, I can't."

        Drew froze.

        Nick froze.

        Brian tried to catch his breath from the sudden rush of panic.

        "Shit," Nick said.  "Shit shit shit shit shit on you.  No, Drew," he said quickly when Drew sat up and started to move past him.  "Stay, stay right there," he insisted, hands on Drew's shoulders pressing Drew down again.  "Just lay there.  Be still."  He reached over and smacked Brian's shoulder.  "What the fuck was that?"

        "I almost...  He...  We can't do that."

        "You can't," Nick said.  "Drew can.  He wants to."

        "We can't."

        "Are you listening?" Nick demanded.  "We can.  Drew wants it.  God knows I want it.  Drew, stay.  You're not going anywhere."

        "I have to...  Excuse me."  Drew left the bed quickly, left the room, went into the bathroom and closed the door.  They heard the door lock.

        "You're going to pay for this," Nick told Brian.

        "Don't," Brian said.

        "What is wrong with you?  Did you see him?  Were you here in this bed?  He wants it.  He really wants it.  It's all he wants.  The man's days of virginity are over, Brian.  He wants to get laid now."

        "He doesn't know.  He doesn't know what he's asking, he doesn't know what it's like.  He-"

        "You don't know what you're denying him."

        "I know what...  Oh."  Brian knew exactly what he was denying Drew.  He looked at Nick.  "You're pretty smart."

        "You're not fucking him, and you know what you're keeping from him.  You've been fucked, you know what it's like.  Why won't you give that to him?"

        "It's not that simple."

        "Oh there's a cop-out answer if I ever heard one.  You could at least try to be convincing."

        "I want him to be a virgin."

        "Because it fulfills your little happy fantasies?  Too bad.  Drew's grown up now."

        "He's...he's...  Nick, he's lost so much.  I want him to keep this one thing."

        "Oh my god," Nick said.  "Don't tell me this is about that.  I thought I had issues."

        "You do."

        "Yeah.  Well, not this one."  Nick settled onto his back and gazed at the ceiling in the darkness.  "Shit.  Now what?"

        "Now what what?" Brian asked, laying down beside him.

        "We have to get you over this problem so Drew can get laid."

        "You know you can do it without me."

        "And you know we fucking well can't, so shut up."

        Brian rested his cheek on Nick's shoulder.  "Just a thought."

        "You know this is all of us.  Drew and I aren't going to do anything without you.  And you're going first, anyway."

        "I want you to make love to him first."

        "You do it better."

        Brian laughed.

        "I didn't mean that."

        "I think you did."

        "I didn't!  We all know I'm the world's best lover.  I just think that you should go first.  Stop laughing."

        Brian calmed himself.  "I think that you should go first."

        "Why?"

        "I married him."

        "We're taking turns now?"

        "He made love to me before he made love to you.  He deep-throated me before he-"

        "Oh, so now we have a running tally of who did what to who?"

        "To whom."

        "You suck at grammar."

        "So do you."

        "Whatever.  Running tally of who did what with Drew.  Is that better?  Anyway, I kissed him first, I sucked him first, I got him naked, I got him in bed, I got my fingers in him, I got my tongue in him, he sucked me off first.  So that's all pointless, unless we work up some elaborate sex act rating system.  And you married him so I get to fuck him, that's dumb."

        "I want you to make love to him first."

        "Why?  You're scared you'll do it wrong?"

        "I want the two of you to share it."

        "Are you being romantic again?" Nick asked suspiciously.

        "Yes."

        "Damn it.  I hate it when you do that."

        Brian smiled.

        "I think it's contagious."

        Brian hid a broader smile in Nick's shoulder..

        "I want you to do it first.  He's my Drew, and it's my decision.  Besides, I'll probably screw it up."

        "You won't."

        "Stick it in the wrong place or something."

        "Nick."

        "But I want to help.  Hold him for you and feel him shiver.  He's so fucking sexy.  Or..."

        "Or what?"

        "We could just skip the whole thing and give him to his brother.  Nick and Jeff could fuck him for us if you don't want to do it."

        "Nick!"

        "But Jeff's not good for a virgin.  You know.  Size-wise.  And no one can get hard over Nick.  So we'll have to do it ourselves."

        "No one gets hard over Nick?"

        "Hell no."

        "I can think of four people off of the top of my head."

        "You can not."

        "I can so."

        "He's funny-looking."

        "Why do you say that?"

        "Have you looked at him?"

        "He's gorgeous."

        Nick snorted.

        "He is."

        "His body's okay."

        "Okay?"

        "If you like the type."

        "The type?  Nick, are you trying to tell me that you don't like muscular men?  Go ahead.  Tell me what about Nick's body isn't up to your standards.  You don't like muscular men?  You don't like men who are shorter than you are?  You don't like tattoos?  You don't-"

        "If you aren't quiet I'm going to have sex with you."

        "Nick's gorgeous."

        Nick pounced.  "I'm gorgeous."  He stopped short.  "Wow.  You're gorgeous."

        "Thank you," Brian said, running his hand over Nick's shoulders.  "Can we get Drew out of the bathroom now?"

        "Are you going to fuck him?"

        "Not tonight."

        "But sometime?"

        "I want very much to make love to Drew," Brian confessed.  "It's what I've wanted for a long time."

        "Me, too," Nick said softly.  They were quiet.  "You think he's mad at us?"

        "I think he's mad at me."

        "He should be."

        "I know."

        "I bet he's not."

        "I deserve it."

        "You're scared.  You think you're scared of losing.  I have...  You...almost...once."

        "Nick.  That was years ago.  Nothing happened."

        "It could have.  Don't fuck with me."

        "I'm sorry."  Brian pet Nick's hair.  "It's okay."

        "And then there's Drew."  Nick cleared his throat.  "Who's in the bathroom, hiding from us.  Naked.  He's probably in there touching himself."

        "He is not."

        "He is.  He's in there jacking off.  He won't let us watch, either.  I let you watch me."

        "Thank you for that."

        "The two of you are just sick and nasty.  Masturbating in private like it's some shameful thing.  I'm a real man.  I do it where everybody can see."

        "Not everybody."

        "Everybody who wants to see."

        "I think there are a lot of people who want to watch that."

        "Really?  Like who?"

        "Let me get the phone book."

        "You know who I want to see jerk off?  Besides you and Drew.  Because, duh, obviously.  But besides you and Drew."

        "Jeff."

        "How did you know?"

        "You have a sick preoccupation with his..."

        "His what?  You can't say it!  You're turning into Drew right before my very eyes.  Oh good, two Drews.  I'd like that.  You want to wear the hat?"

        Brian flicked Nick's arm.  "You have a preoccupation with Jeff's cock."

        "Who doesn't?  Have you seen it?  Yes, you've seen it.  I wonder if he'd ever let me touch it."

        "No."

        "It's his stupid husband's fault.  But I bet I could get it on with Jeff if you and Drew distracted Nick."

        "I am not going to distract Nick so you can make a move on Jeff."

        "You're no fun."

        "I know.  It must be terribly dull for you around here."

        "Really dull.  You have no idea.  I'm in bed lying on top of you naked, and it's just so boring."

        "And the sex is so boring it usually puts you to sleep."

        "That was funny."

        "Thanks."

        "I'm going to get Drew.  Stay here."

        "I'll get him."

        "I'm doing it."

        "I need to apologize."

        "Stay.  Brian.  Stay.  Listen to me!  No one ever listens to me!" Nick protested as Brian left the bed.  Nick dropped to his back and scowled.  "Stupid men."

        Brian knocked on the doorframe.  "Drew?"

        Silence.

        "Drew?"

        The door opened.  Drew looked at his feet.

        "I'm sorry.  I-"

        "No.  I just..."  Drew met Brian's eyes.  "You do want me, don't you?"

        "Yes."

        "I can wait.  If you want to wait.  I made you wait, I can wait for you.  I just...as long as you want me.  I mean, I know you want me, it's...  That's sort of...  I mean...  We make love all of the time.  I just, when you shout 'No!' and push me away, it's kind of hard not to take that badly."

        "Drew, I'm sorry-"

        "You don't have to apologize.  Just..."  He swallowed.  "Please tell me you want me."

        "I do.  I want you."  He hesitated, then touched Drew's naked arm, kissed Drew's lips.  "I want you.  Please.  Come and make love with me," he said, and Drew's mouth opened under his.

        "Hey!  I want you, too," Nick said from the bed.  "I don't get sex?"

        "Wait your turn," Drew said, kissing Brian, pulling him closer.

        "I have no sex life," Nick muttered dismally.

        Drew and Brian started to laugh so hard they had to end their kiss.  Drew held onto Brian, who leaned against the doorframe for support.

        "I get no sympathy," Nick said.  "No respect.  I'm over here naked and lonely, all alone in this whole big bed, cold and sad, and they're over there getting it on and laughing at me like a couple of girls.  I never get laid, I haven't had sex since-"

        "Since this morning," Brian said.  Drew laughed.

        "Ages ago," Nick said.  "It's been so long I'm getting blue balls."

        "You are not," Drew said.

        "Maybe he is," Brian said.

        Drew looked at Brian.

        Brian looked at Drew.

        "Maybe we should check," Drew said.

        "For medical reasons," Brian said.

        "We'd better look," Drew said.

        "Whoa," Nick said, when they approached the bed.  "Don't come near me.  What are you doing?  Hey!  Hey!  Oh.  Oh shit.  Oh my god."  He moaned and relaxed, boneless.  "Oh..."

        Drew handed Brian the lubricant and kissed Nick's mouth.  "Nick."

        "Touch me," Nick said, "Brian, touch me, deeper, deeper."

        "What do you want?" Drew asked, looking into Nick's eyes.

        "I want you to fuck me," Nick said, and gasped.  "I want Brian to fuck me.  I want Brian first, I want him in me, so deep inside, so hard, I want him to come in me."

        "Why?"

        "It's so hard, it's good, it fills me, it makes me, it...  He's so good, he makes me so hard, I get so hard I can't stand it, I can't take it, it's so much, he's so good.  He's so hot it burns."

        "Tell me what it's like," Drew whispered.

        "It feels like you're coming apart and your body's inside out and you can feel everything but there's this narrow tunnel where it's just you and him and his cock, so big and hard inside you, like there's too much, it's too much, and it's fireworks and your brain vibrates and then you come, you come so hard your heart bleeds."

        "Will you do that to me?" Drew asked softly.

        Nick gasped, and twisted, and came.


matthew@matthewtime.com
"Destiny" Part Eleven
"Destiny" page
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