Copyright November 21-December 3, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise 98 Degrees, the Backstreet Boys, and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor, the Savage Garden slashers, and anyone who's actually following this series.

Notice: "Living" series: "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace."

        "We're not rich."

        "Drew.  We're rich."

        "Comfortable."

        "Wealthy."

        "We won't be after this wedding."

        "Maybe we can get Nick to pay for everything."

        "I bet we could."  Drew smiled.  "Want to try?"  They exchanged mischievous glances.

        "Nick?" Brian called.

        "What?" Nick called from the kitchen.

        "Come here for a minute, please."

        There was an audible groan, then the scraping of a chair.  Nick came to the living room and waited, hands on hips.  "Yes?"

        "This wedding was your idea," Brian said.

        "Yeah."

        "We think that you should pay for it."

        "Me?"

        "You."

        "I'm not getting married."

        "It was your idea."

        "If I'm paying for it, I should be part of it."

        "We could reinstate you as best man."

        "Oh, that's big of you."

        "Fine.  What else do you want?"

        "Nothing from you."  Nick's eyes raked over Drew.  "You get a choice of three."

        "If I say no?" Drew checked.

        "Then I keep my money to myself."

        "What are my choices?"

        "Sixty-nine.  Thong.  Fisting."

        "That's not fair," Brian said.

        "You play hardball, I play hardball.  Sixty-nine, thong, fisting.  Sixty-nining, either you and Brian or you and me, I don't care.  The thong, you have to let me see you in it, let me touch you in it.  And fisting, if you say yes I know I can get Brian to say yes."

        "Okay," Drew said.

        "Okay what?"

        "Okay.  I'll do it."

        "Which one?"

        "That's up to me."

        "You have to tell me."

        "We'll do it tonight.  Start filling out checks."

        "You-"

        "You can be best man, too.  Better get a tux."

        "It's a good thing I trust you," Nick said.  "Okay.  You're really going to do it?"

        "Tonight," Drew said.

        "Wait.  You're giving me sex, and I'm giving you money."

        "That sounds fair," Drew said.

        "You're a very naughty Drew.  What happened to you?"

        "You happened to me."

        "Oh.  Is there a rewind button on you somewhere?  Can I feel around for one?"

        "A rewind button?"

        "So we can get you back to sweet innocent Drew.  Right around the sexual awakening.  With the hat."

        "I've retired the hat."

        "I know.  It's okay.  I like you with hair."

        "Gee, thanks."

        "Do you really think it's my fault you grew up?  Or is it just...you fell in love and you got shot and you came out and that was in the wrong order but you know what I mean."  Nick was talking too quickly because he did not like to talk about Drew...getting...shot.

        "A lot's happened," Drew agreed.  "I don't think that I grew up; I think that I lost my innocence."

        "I wish you hadn't."

        "It's better this way."

        "You think so?"

        "I can handle things better.  Justin never lost his, and now..."

        "What?"  Justin resisted, sinking back down to the sofa.

        JC pulled Justin's arm again.  "Come on.  You have to get dressed."

        "I am dressed."

        "No, you're not.  Come on."

        "Why?"

        "We're going out."

        "No."

        "Lance invited us for dinner."

        "No."

        "Justin, baby," JC said, sitting beside Justin on the sofa, "please?"

        "No.  Stay here with me."

        "We can go out together.  To see Lance."

        "He was just here."

        "That was two days ago."

        "Oh."

        "You want to see him?  We can go to his place, eat, see how he's doing."

        "No."

        "He's expecting us."

        "Stay here with me."

        "Okay, baby."  JC kissed Justin's temple.  "I'll be right here with you."

        "I will.  We will."

        "Where's Drew?"

        "He was on his way."

        "He took a wrong turn?  He got lost on the stairs?"

        Brian smiled.  "I think he's unloading the dishwasher before he comes up here."

        "He has weird priorities.  This is why I don't live with Kevin."

        "And I think if you asked Kevin to wear a thong, he'd hit you."

        Nick snorted in apparent disagreement, but only said, "Why don't you wear one?"

        "Me?"

        "You."

        "I don't have the body for it.  Nick - Nick, stop it," Brian said, trying not to laugh as Nick collapsed on the bed.  "Nick, stop it.  I don't.  I don't!"

        "You don't what?" Drew asked, coming to the doorway.

        Brian grabbed Nick's hand.  Nick stopped laughing long enough to look, then stared.  "Drew?"

        Drew scratched behind his ear, a nervous gesture, almost shy.  "Hi."  He was barefoot, in jeans and two T-shirts, with a navy blue baseball cap on in its traditional pose, backwards and over his right ear.

        "So fucking pretty," Nick said.

        "Did I always have these kinks?" Brian asked, still staring.

        "No, they're his fault," Nick said, and climbed off of the bed.  "Hi, Drew."

        "Hi, Nick."  He held still and let Nick touch his jaw, his lips, his cheekbones.

        "Let me kiss you," Nick urged, fingers touching the sensitive skin behind Drew's earlobe.

        Drew's eyes darted past Nick to Brian and back again.  "In front of him?"

        "Oh, damn," Nick breathed.

        "I don't want to make him uncomfortable," Drew said softly.

        "Brian, get out," Nick said.

        "Don't be mean to him," Drew chided, and left Nick to sit beside Brian on the bed.  Nick took a moment to blink at the empty carpet before him, then turned to see Brian trying very hard not to touch Drew, who was sitting casually close.  Nick hurried over there and climbed up behind Drew on the bed, getting Drew in the vee of his thighs, resting one hand on Drew's abs.

        "We should go sometime," Drew was saying.

        "That would be great," Brian said.

        Drew inhaled quickly and said, "Nick, please don't do that."

        "Sorry," Nick said guiltily, and slid his hand up again.  Then he smiled in quick recognition.  God, this was great.  He'd barely brushed his fingers past Drew's navel.  This was skittish, shy Drew, and you couldn't just do stuff to this one, couldn't just touch Drew like that.  He was wrapped around Drew's finger, any and all versions of Drew, but with this one came those quick stabs of guilt, and those could be fun, good, because they reminded him that he was being bad, he was seducing little innocent Drew Lachey.  And Drew's hand was resting on his shin, absently rubbing up and down, slipping under to his calf, as though Drew were unaware of it.  So sexy.

        Nick tuned out their conversation, just watching.  He could see Brian looking at Drew with a look more hungry than predatorial.  Not predatorial because Drew was Nick's, and Brian couldn't do anything about that.  But hungry, very definitely hungry.  Nick wondered how far Drew would carry this.  They all knew how the story ended.

        Nick yawned.

        "Are we keeping you up?" Brian asked.

        "Yeah," Nick said with a grin.

        "Okay, I'll go," Brian said.  From behind Drew, Nick gave him a look, and he tossed Nick a brief questioning glance, and Nick gave him another look, and Brian nodded with his eyes, getting the briefest excited twitch at his lips.  "See you guys later."

        "Good night," Drew said as Brian left the bed.  While Brian headed for the door, Nick's hand slid down again, fingers grazing beneath Drew's navel.  "Nick..."

        Nick was trying to figure out just how to work this.  He'd seduced people before, why was he worried about it this time?

        Because this was Drew.  He had Drew, he knew what Drew meant.  And this little blast from the past was reminding him of how far they'd come.  How much, at this point not so long ago, he'd had to lose.  If he'd screwed up then, he might never have come to the life he had now.  So even though this didn't really mean anything, to some weird part of his brain, it was really important to him, because he knew what an important time this time, back then, had been between him and Drew.

        He leaned around and sucked Drew's left earlobe into his mouth.  "I think he wants you."  Yes, he could talk with his mouth full.

        "Who?"

        "Brian."

        "That's not, he's, Nick," and Nick remembered how easily turned on this Drew was.  Actually, old Drew and new Drew were both pretty easy.  Drew's short fingernails dug into his calf.

        "You want him, too?"  Nick's fingers ran up Drew's chest.  Drew didn't answer, but he could feel Drew shudder.  "You want me?"  He slid his hand down again, pulled Drew just a bit closer, let Drew feel his arousal.  Drew's breaths were coming quick and uneven, something Nick had liked right from the start.  "You want me?"

        "Yes," Drew said, leaning back into him, and Drew's thighs spread, and damn Nick wished that Drew always issued that invitation.

        Maybe if he'd done something differently in the beginning, Drew would...?  Maybe.  But Nick didn't care.  As long as he had Drew, he didn't care if he never got his dick in there.

        "Come here, turn around," and he guided, and Drew obeyed, and then Drew was sitting astride his right thigh, Drew's hands on his shoulders, and Drew still looked gorgeous and flustered and there was this light in Drew's eyes that he'd always, always, always loved.  Brian got that light sometimes, too.  It was an I'm here, I'm happy, I enjoy life kind of light, something maybe that good, happy people really should have.  It was kind of like a happiness that came from inside, from some native inner light, like a clean soul or something.  And then Nick realized that he was just sitting here staring.  But it was amazing how much fun some people had just in living.

        Drew's fingers were sliding up into his hair now.  "Nick?"

        "What?"

        "Are you...do you..."  Drew stopped talking.

        "What?  You have to ask me."

        "I," and Drew paused, and then Drew kissed him.  Sweet, sweet kiss, slow, just nice and easy at first, but Nick got impatient and deepened it, getting some tongue in there, opening Drew's mouth.  Yeah, this was it, this was good, and he could almost forget what was really going on here, forget the scars and the ring and Brian standing right over there watching.  Brian really had left the room, and Nick wasn't sure whether Drew knew that Brian had slipped in again.

        "You have to," Nick said during one break for breath, and then during the next gasp he finished, "let me suck your cock," and then Drew made the hottest shocked, eager sound into his mouth.

        "Nick," Drew said.

        "Tell me."  He couldn't get enough of this mouth.  He kept kissing Drew, figuring that he could use Drew's tongue himself until Drew decided to talk again.

        "May I touch you?" was asked sort of shakily and sort of fast.

        "Any time you want," Nick said, and ran his hand down Drew's back, making himself stop at Drew's waistband.  Then he felt Drew's hand dropping to his lap, and those inquisitive fingers felt over his erection, and it felt so good, he was so hard, damn, he wanted out of these jeans now.  He let Drew stop kissing him, watched Drew's gaze track down his body, watched Drew watch Drew touching him.  He wanted nothing more than to get Drew's hand, Drew's mouth on his naked cock, nothing more than to get his hand in between Drew's thighs.  And he remembered feeling like this before, when he'd first been with Drew.

        He'd come from his relationship with Brian, where they were very easy with each other, familiar, where he could be totally horny and make Brian totally horny, where they'd gotten to the point where they were very, um, sexually friendly?  And then he'd gone to Drew, who knew nothing and had done nothing, and he'd felt like a caged beast, wanting to grab Drew and get naked and fuck.  But he couldn't do that.  And yes, he'd pushed too hard, he'd gone too far too fast, and if he had it to do all over again, not just pretending like this but for real, he hoped that he'd move slower.  Because Drew deserved slower, deserved someone who would have taken more time to teach and explore.

        When he'd first been with Drew, half of him had been screaming "must fuck must fuck must fuck" and the other half had been sighing with this weird romantic pleasure.  Just showing Drew what it could be like, watching Drew get wide-eyed and flustered and so incredibly turned on, had been amazing.  He'd been Drew's first, Drew's first everything, for the most part.

        And god - - no offense to Brian, Nick loved Brian, he loved everything about Brian, he loved Brian's body, God knew he loved Brian's cock - - but getting to give Drew a blowjob, putting that in his mouth...  The very first time, and then a second time, deep-throating, swallowing that gorgeous hard-

        He was going to come any second now.

        Drew gasped and broke away from their kiss.  Nick, even on the verge of orgasm, could see that something was a bit...off.  "You okay?"  Drew panted and shuddered, and he pulled Drew closer, held Drew's shivering body.  "What's wrong?"

        Drew shook his head, forehead on Nick's shoulder, hand slipping from Nick's crotch.

        "Drew, tell me.  Did I do something?"

        "No, it's me, I'm so stupid."

        Drew sounded incredibly embarrassed.  "What's wrong?"  Nick asked.  Brian was edging closer, worried.

        "Ouch," Drew said.

        "What?" Nick asked.

        Drew's arms came around Nick's shoulders, and he whispered, embarrassed, shy, in Nick's right ear, "My underwear's cutting off my circulation."

        Nick's cock twitched.  "Why?"

        "I'm hard," Drew whispered.

        Nick smiled.  "Good.  You're supposed to be.  I mean, what, are you..."  He hesitated, just savoring the idea, picturing it.  "Are you wearing briefs?"  And maybe Drew should pick a different size next time.  Although Nick liked how tight they were.

        Shy whisper.  "No."

        Oh.  Oh.  Oh god.  "You're wearing the thong."

        Tiny voice.  "Yes."

        Nick fell onto his back, Drew dropping with him, and he wanted to laugh and come and jack Drew, but his hips rose of their own accord, and his knee bent, and his thigh was already between Drew's thighs, and he gave a quick, dirty grind, and Drew gasped and looked really turned on but said, "Ow, ow, stop it."

        "Let me see."

        "I can't, I, I, I have to take it off," Drew said.

        "Let me see that, too.  Take off your shirts first."

        Drew sat up, wincing, and pulled off his T-shirts.  And there was the tight, defined torso that Nick had fallen for.  Drew's abs were even better now.  And there were the scars from the shooting and surgeries.  And there was that gorgeous tattoo, a symbol of their love, the three of them, together.

        "Hold on," Drew said, sounding very much like the modern older Drew, and he reached a hand down inside his pants, by his right hip, and yanked hard.  He grimaced in pain, then gave a slow sigh of relief.

        "What did you just do?" Nick asked.  "You...bad Drew!"

        Drew winced and wriggled, which was terribly enticing, and then, after a bit more enjoyable wriggling, held up a scrap of red, torn, stained with pre-cum.  He tossed it aside and said, "Where were we?"

        "You were supposed to let me see it," Nick said.  "You promised."

        "Are you mad at me?" Drew asked, looking wounded, slowly opening his jeans.

        That was not playing fair.  Drew was a bad, bad, naughty man.

        "Please don't be angry with me," Drew said, kneeling up, swinging his other leg over until he was astride Nick's hips, letting his jeans slide down his hips, and Nick distinctly heard Brian moan.  Drew dropped down, over Nick, and gave Nick a tiny kiss.  "Please, Nick."

        Nick slid down the bed, sliding under Drew until he was there, yes, right there, if Drew was going to tease then he was going to take, and he opened his mouth for that drooling cockhead.  Drew made a shivering kind of moan and Nick opened farther, letting his tongue get busy.  This was how far they'd come.  Almost two years later and Nick would still do anything to get Drew in his mouth.  Nick hoped that that would never change.

        Drew's hips were faltering, probably because Drew was afraid to thrust but really wanted to, which Nick could understand.  But, as he kept trying to explain to Drew, he could take it; he wanted Drew to fuck his mouth.  He slid his hands back to that bared ass, Drew's jeans halfway down tightly muscled thighs.  He encouraged the movement of Drew's hips, and Drew gasped, and then Drew was coming hard, spurting down his throat, thick salty cum making Nick moan.

        And then he moaned again, because quick, familiar hands were opening his jeans, freeing his hard, trapped cock.  Living wet heat, cavern of mouth and slip of tongue, and Nick's hips bucked in eager response.  He came too soon, too turned on to last, letting Drew's cock slip from his own mouth and cradling it gently in one hand.

        Drew dropped to one side, catching his breath, and Nick crawled back up beside him, and Brian rose onto the bed and finished undressing Nick.

        Drew tossed his hat to the floor.  "That was sort of disturbing."

        "You broke your thong."

        Drew sighed and turned his head, looking at Nick.  "You really want to see me in it?"

        "Yes.  So does Brian.  Go get another one."

        "Okay."  Drew sighed again and left the bed.

        "You're going shopping now?" Nick asked, sitting up, one hand sliding into Brian's lap.

        "No."  Drew opened his dresser drawer, pulled out something, and said, "I'll be right back," leaving for the bathroom.

        Nick and Brian stared at each other.

        Nick leapt from the bed and yanked open Drew's top dresser drawer.  Boxers: white, blue, black.  Socks.  Two leather belts, one black, one brown.

        Mmm, belts...

        Nick slapped himself mentally and looked again.

        "Don't go through his things," Brian said.

        "You're right.  It's wrong to invade Drew's privacy," Nick said.  "Especially when he has such interesting stuff."

        Silence.

        "Interesting stuff?" Brian asked.

        "But you're right, it's wrong."  Nick started to close the drawer.  Then he remembered that he was talking to Brian, and Brian would, even if terribly curious, never look in here, never ask what the interesting stuff was.  Terrific.  Nick gave up and said, "It's just boxers and socks and belts.  And briefs.  And a notebook.  And a picture of you and me where I'm squinting, I think that was in Japan or something, I don't know how he got it.  And this, which-"

        "Give me that!" Drew exclaimed, snatching it from his hand, dropping it in the drawer, slamming the drawer shut.  Not mad, just scandalized.

        "Why do you have gold glitter?" Nick asked.  And then he looked.  Stared.  Drew.  Black thong.  Drew.  "Turn around."

        "Please don't go through my things."

        God, there was a guilt trip.  Serious, sad Drew, standing there looking like SEX and not even using it, approaching him one-on-one like they were completely dressed on a street corner.  "I'm sorry.  I won't."

        "Thank you."

        He couldn't help it, reached out, stroked Drew's thigh.  Drew, either to show that there were no hard feelings or just because, stepped closer to him, moving into his touch.  Compact muscle, skin like silk under the light dusting of dark hairs.  "Turn around."  Drew turned; Nick kissed Drew's nape and looked, admiring the way the black fabric bisected Drew's tight ass.  He slid his hand down, cupping the round curve, fingers stroking the sensitive skin where ass met thigh.

        Brian, the only one in the room who was still dressed, had stayed on the bed, watching.  Nick said, "Come and play with my new toy."  He ran his finger down the fabric, down the divide of Drew's ass, and Drew shivered and stepped away from him a bit.  "Sorry."

        "I liked it," Drew said.  "I just don't want to get hard again."

        "Good luck," Nick said, just as Brian knelt before Drew.

        When Chris had gone again, JC read his own letters, just a few from family and neglected friends.  He penned quick, appropriate replies: everything was great, back in the studio next week, enjoying this short break.  Then he returned to Justin.
 
        "Your mom wrote to you," JC said, sitting beside Justin on the sofa.  Justin didn't respond.  "You want to read it?  And your sister.  And I don't know who this is.  You want to read them?"

        Justin made a vaguely disinterested face and changed the channel.

        "Justin?  Tell me how you're feeling, baby," JC said, stroking Justin's hair.

        "JC?"

        "I'm right here, Justin."

        "I'm hungry."

        "Okay, baby.  I'll get you something to eat."  JC left the envelopes on the sofa cushion, rising and going to the kitchen.

        "Sorry," Brian said.

        "It's all right," Drew said.  "I wasn't going to wear it again anyway."

        "The hat, the thong...I like playing Drew dress-up," Nick said.  "What else can we try?"

        Drew sighed and dropped to his back.  "I liked it better when you just liked me naked."

        "That's not a problem," Nick said, staring.  Drew, naked, stretched out all casual and relaxed in his bed.  Naked naked Drew.  Naked naked Brian.  Wow.  Nick ran his hands down Brian's chest, over Brian's arms.  "Brian?"

        Brian relaxed back against him.  He closed his eyes, feeling the soft crush of Brian's hair against his cheek, Brian warm and strong in his arms.

        Envelopes.  Mail.  He picked them up idly, looking.  Oh, for him.  Okay.  He opened the one on top, tearing the envelope, humming softly.  He unfolded the paper.

        Justin gasped.

        As the page unfolded, something fell out into his lap.  He picked it up with suddenly trembling fingers and looked.

        A picture of JC.  Just a small one, clipped from a magazine.  With a red circle and a slash through it, right over JC's face.

        JC.

        JC.

        DIE FAGGOT DIE

        Justin vaulted over the couch and ran, grabbed JC and spun him around, holding on too tightly.

        "Justin?" JC asked, startled.

        "Don't die, don't die, don't die, don't die, please, JC, don't die, don't leave me, I need you, you know I need you, don't leave me."

        "I won't, baby, I-"

        "Bullshit!"  He smacked JC's shoulder, moving away, angry.  "That's bullshit!  You left me, you were gone, you went out and bought a gun, a gun, JC, what were you going to do, kill yourself?!  And you won't leave me?  Unless you were planning on taking me with you?"

        "No!  No, I would never do that, I would never hurt you-"

        "Never hurt me?  Never hurt me!  What do you think it did to me when you were out there, I didn't know where you were, I thought you were dead!  I thought you were dead!"

        "I..."

        "What?!"

        "I thought that's what you wanted."

        "No!  No, that is...you're so fucked up!"

        "I know."  JC rubbed at his eyes.  "I know, I know."

        "You're so fucked up!" Justin yelled.  "I don't want you dead, you know I don't want you dead, I love you, I need you, you know how much I need you, what were you thinking?!  Don't you ever do that again!  Don't you leave me!  And so what if I did?  What if I did want you dead, even for one tiny little second, what if I did?  That doesn't mean you go out and kill yourself!"

        "I didn't do it!"

        "Why not?" Justin asked, voice suddenly much quieter.

        "I couldn't."  JC sagged a little.  "I just couldn't.  I wasn't strong enough to do what you wanted."

        "I didn't want that!  And what are you talking about, strong enough?  That's not strong, that's weak and pathetic, JC, and you're so strong, you're so much better than that."

        "I didn't do it, all right?  Can we drop it?"

        "Drop it?  Drop it?  What the - - no, we're not dropping it!  JC, we have to talk about this.  About us.  What are we doing to each other?"

        "I don't know.  And what...what are you doing here?  You've been sitting on that sofa taking a serious vacation from reality for days now.  What happened?"

        "I opened my mail."

        JC frowned.  "What's wrong?  Something happened at home?"

        "This is my home.  Some psycho - - more psycho than we are, if you can believe it - - sent me homophobic hate mail.  It could be a death threat."

        "What?  Justin, are you okay?  Let me see it.  We have to-"

        "We'll do what we always do.  We tell Rick, and he takes care of it.  I'll do that.  You finish, what are you doing?"

        "You said you were hungry."

        "Actually, I am.  You make food, I'll call Rick, and then we need to talk.  About all of this.  And then, god, JC, when's the last time I kissed you?"

        "We haven't kissed since...since I left.  But don't - - not right now, okay?"

        "Okay.  Can I...?"

        "Yes, yes, please," and they embraced, clinging tightly.  "I love you, Justin."

        "I love you."

        Nick looked over suddenly.  "Brian.  Hey."

        "You're crying," Brian said, alarmed, worried, coming over to him.

        "No," Nick said, wiping quickly at his cheeks.

        "What's wrong?" Brian asked, sitting down with him.  "Nick?"

        Nick sniffed and wiped his face again.  "Nothing."

        "Nick, come on.  You know that you can tell me anything."

        Nick faced him, and he saw more tears.  "I don't want you to marry Drew."

        "Oh, Nick..."  Brian felt a tugging at his heart, felt a few of his own tears rise to his eyes.

        "I know, I know, it's stupid, I didn't...I..."  Nick breathed shakily, looking out the window again.

        "No, it's not stupid," Brian said, turning Nick's face to his again.  "Tell me more."

        "It's...it's like the end of an era, the end of...the end of us.  It's always been us, you and me, Frick and Frack forever.  And now you're going off and marrying somebody else.  You're not supposed to get married.  And if you do, you're supposed to marry me."  Nick wiped away more tears, frustrated.  "What are you doing marrying him?"

        "I love him," Brian said.

        "And he's mine, I found him first, he fell in love with me, he's my Drew, why do I have to share everything with you?  He was supposed to be mine, just mine, something I had all by myself, just for me.  And you walked in and now you're taking him away from me."

        Neither of them had noticed Drew in the doorway.

        "And now the two of you will be married and together and official and it'll be different, you'll be a real couple, everybody will see you as the real couple and I'm just there, in the way.  You don't need me anymore.  I'm just good for sex anyway."

        "Nick-"

        "How can you do this to me?!"

        "Nick.  Nick," Brian said, taking one of Nick's hands in his, looking into Nick's eyes through the tears in his own, "I love you.  I'm in love with you, I've been in love with you for a long, long time now.  Drew loves you, too.  We both love you and you know that.  We'd never have this, we'd never be together, without you.  If you don't want us to get married, we won't.  I know I can't do it without you, and I know that he won't, either.  If you say no, we'll say no."

        Nick sniffled.

        "I know you're scared.  I'm scared, too.  Things will change.  The public perception of us will change, the media's presentation of us will change, and that will affect our relationship.  It has to.  But we're still the three of us, together.  It's not Brian and Drew, plus Nick.  We're all together, we belong together."

        Nick sniffled.

        "I think that we each have our outsider moments.  I know that Drew's felt like the two of us are the real couple and he's the add-on.  And I felt like you had this wonderful new relationship and I was intruding where I didn't belong.  But we do belong together, the three of us.  That won't change.  Drew and I wouldn't be the same without you.  We need you for this relationship to work.  Just like you and I need him."

        "I need him so much," Nick said.

        "I know."

        "Sorry.  I'm crying like a girl," Nick muttered, wiping at his face again.

        "Don't apologize," Brian said.  "I hate to see you cry, but if you're scared, I want you to talk to me.  Remember?"

        Nick nodded, sniffling.  "This whole thing was my idea.  The wedding, the marriage.  I want you and Drew to get married."

        "Why?" Brian asked.  "Why to each other, why not to you?"

        "It just...you're both so good.  And romantic.  And traditional.  I thought you needed it more than I did.  And I know that Drew thinks, or used to think, or still thinks, that you and I have a connection that he's not sharing.  He's wrong, but I wanted to give him a connection.  And you two look good together.  You're short and cute and old."

        "We are not."

        "Short and old and ugly?"

        "You feel better?"

        "Yeah."

        "You know we need you," Brian said, still holding his hand, still looking into his eyes, serious.  "And it's not about sex."

        "Yeah."

        "Tell me you believe me."

        "I believe you."

        "Okay.  Good."

        "I'm sorry I made you cry."

        "I'm sorry I made you cry," Brian said.  "Do you want to talk to Drew about this?"

        Nick shook his head.  "I don't want to upset him."

        "You really should."

        "Upset him?"

        "Talk to him.  Nick?  If I hadn't come down here...would you have said anything?"

        "No."

        "You can't do that.  You have to talk to us when something's wrong.  No matter what it is."

        "I didn't want to mess up anything.  You guys are so happy."

        "We're happy because we thought that you were happy.  We are happy, I'm very happy.  But you have a lot to do with that."

        "Plus you're going to get to screw Drew."

        "Nick."

        "Sorry."  Nick sighed and leaned back against the arm of the sofa.  "I'm happy, you know?  I am.  For you and Drew.  For me.  It's great, it's exciting, you two are getting married.  It's what I wanted.  It's still what I want.  But I feel cheated or something.  Like something's ending, and something's being taken from me."

        "Nothing's being taken from you," Brian said.  "Not us.  Nick, if you don't want Drew and me to get married, we won't get married.  And if you want to marry one of us, we can do that, too.  I'd be happy to stand up and marry you.  And I'd be happy to stand up there as your best man while you marry Drew."

        "Can't we all get married at once together?"

        "We're pushing it with the gay thing.  Nobody's going to let all three of us do it, not all at once, not in three separate ceremonies."

        "I know.  That sucks."

        "Nobody has to get married.  It's okay if you don't want-"

        "I do want you to get married.  You and Drew.  I made that decision, and it was the right decision, I'm glad that I did it."

        "Then what's this?"

        "Cold feet?  Last-second regrets?"

        "It's a lot more than that."

        "I'm jealous.  And I'm sad.  And I'm scared.  But I'll get over it.  Because as soon as we're there, and you're saying 'I do' and wearing tuxedoes and I know you're going to start crying up there in front of everybody, it'll be good.  That's what I want.  You and Drew and wedded bliss."

        "You're a part of that, Nick.  A necessary part."

        "It's Carter Littrell Lachey.  Carter comes first."

        "That's right," Brian agreed, smiling.

        Nick's eyes widened.  "How long have you been standing there?"

        Drew walked towards the sofa.  "A while.  I heard Brian coming downstairs and wanted to see what was wrong."

        "What did you hear?"

        "I came in on, 'What are you doing marrying him?'"

        "Oh, shit.  Drew, I-"

        "No, it's okay," Drew said, kneeling down by the sofa.  "I'm sorry, Nick.  I didn't know you were scared.  I knew I was scared, but I thought I was alone.  You know everything that Brian said is true.  We need you.  We can't do this without you."

        "You're scared?"

        "I'm getting married," Drew said.  "That's pretty scary.  And I..."  His eyes flickered to Brian.  "I was worried that you might regret it."

        "Which of us?"

        "Both of you."

        "Regret what?  You and Brian getting married?"

        "I could never regret that," Brian said.  "The only thing that would ever be better is marrying both of you."

        "Or marrying you and getting a Grammy on the same day," Nick said.

        "Nick, I want you to tell me these things," Drew said.  "I need to know what's inside your head.  You read my mind sometimes, but I can't read yours."

        "I didn't want to ruin anything."

        "You won't."

        "See, you were supposed to be up there sleeping, and I'd come down here and flip out, and then I'd calm down and go back to bed.  And now we're all awake, and we're all down here, and come here."

        "Where?"

        "Here.  You scoot," he said to Brian, pulling Drew's hand.  Drew climbed up onto the sofa, and he took a moment to slide his hand down Drew's rear through Drew's boxers before pulling Drew around.  "Get comfy."  Drew obeyed, settling in his lap, back against his chest, head on his shoulder, stretched out along the sofa.  "You next," Nick said, and Brian laid down similarly on Drew, Drew's arms coming around Brian comfortably.

        "Are we squashing you?" Brian asked Nick.

        "Nope.  Just right."  Mostly naked and warm, holding mostly naked and warm Drew and Brian, secure under their weight, Nick fell asleep.

        JC nodded.

        "First things first," Justin said, sitting on the kitchen table, lotus-style.  "No suicide.  No weapons.  No self-inflicted injury."

        "I won't.  And you can't, either."

        "I won't.  Next.  No disappearing.  If you have to get out, tell me first.  Just tell me that you have to go.  Telling me where would help, too."

        "I won't leave you like that again," JC said.  "But you're right, if something happens, if I have to get out, I'll tell you first."

        "Sex is not therapy.  I don't know what the fuck that was, you giving me that blowjob."

        "I think it was supposed to help."

        "Well, it didn't.  JC, we can't do that.  What we have is way too strong and way too real for us to be messing like that.  When we make love, we have to keep it solid, you and me, that connection.  We were not connecting, and we can't have sex when we're not connecting."

        "I know."

        "What started this?"

        "You thought that I was using you for sex."

        "And then I totally overreacted.  And then I came home, and you were right here but you were miles away from me."

        "I thought that you wanted space."

        "You overreact to everything I do."

        "You pulled away from me."

        "You were supposed to come after me!"

        "You wouldn't let me!"

        "Maybe I wouldn't," Justin admitted.  "I was upset."

        "You know I'm not using you for sex.  How could you think that?"

        "I was feeling pissy.  And you'd just been coming after me all day, all night, all day, and it's like you just touch me and my body turns on.  I feel like a wind-up sex toy.  Whenever you're in the mood, you stroke me, suddenly I'm in the mood, we fuck.  That's the cycle."

        "If you don't want to make love with me-"

        "I do!  That's just it, every time you want to, I want to.  All you have to do is touch me, look at me, and I'm ready.  Once you're on, I'm on."

        "If you want me to back down, I will.  If you want me to stop going after you, I will.  And if you want to be the one turning me on, we can do that, too.  I don't have to start it.  You know I love it when you come to me."

        "It's just scary.  How I'm in tune with you like that."

        "We're like that."

        "Can we break for some news flashes?"

        JC nodded.  "Like what?"

        "I just...there are some...misconceptions that we've got going on here.  We both know you're insane about me.  Sort of literally.  But that goes both ways, and we keep forgetting that."

        "You need me."

        "I need you."

        JC nodded.

        "And...at the same time, you don't have to...be like that."

        "Like what?"

        "Taking care of me.  The way you've been.  I have to be on my own.  I have to learn how to be just me.  I'm totally dependent on you right now, and that's not good, JC, that's not safe.  We need to create some...distance."

        "I am not putting up barriers."

        "I know you want us to be as close as possible.  No matter how close we get, you always want more.  It's like you want to be me, or we should be one person.  And I want that too, JC, I want us to be...one.  But we can't.  It's not safe."

        "I can't...I can't put distance between us.  I can't separate us."

        "You have to.  If you won't help me, I'll do it by myself."

        "No."

        "JC-"

        "No!" JC shouted.  "You can't do that!  You can't."

        "I have to.  We have to.  We're too dependent.  It's not good for us."

        "It's good for us."

        "It's killing us!"

        There was a long silence.

        Justin broke their locked gazes.  "I can't do it anymore."

        "I can't live without it."

        Justin looked up again.  "And what am I supposed to say to that?"

        "You said that we should be honest.  I'm being honest.  I can't live without you."

        "That is not my fault."

        "I know.  I know."

        "We're doing this all wrong," Justin said, jumping down from the table.  "What's our main problem?"

        "We love each other too much."

        "We can't fix that," Justin said.

        "Thank god."

        "So we have to find a way to keep that, to stay strong together, but still re-learn how to be ourselves.  Put the Justin Timberlake back in the Justin Timberlake Chasez."

        "How?"

        "I don't know.  You have to give me space, JC.  If you give me space, that'll give you space, too."

        "I can't."

        "Try!"

        "I can't!  Why don't you?!"

        "You won't let me!"

        "Try!"

        "That's low.  That's low and that's cheap."

        "Good."

        There was another silence.

        "Is this why we never fought before?" Justin asked.

        "I think so," JC said.

        "We could kill each other doing this."

        "I know."

        "God, and there are people out there wanting to kill us.  JC, do you think we're insane?"

        "I don't know."

        "Maybe we should call the guys.  Tell them that we're...back to normal."

        "Are we?"

        "I think so.  This feels real in a way I haven't felt since we started fighting."

        JC nodded.

        "Okay."  Justin caught sight of the clock on the microwave.  "Okay, it's really late.  We're going to bed.  We can do something in the morning.  Call the guys, maybe talk some more."

        "Do you want to make love?"

        "No.  But as soon as I lay down with you in that bed, we'll start.  You know it."

        "I know."

        "Hey, it's Joey.  Justin call you?"

        "Yeah.  You think he sounds better?"

        "A lot better."

        "He was sort of strange, but he sounded stronger."

        "At least he's up and in touch.  That's a big improvement."

        "You think we should do something, or wait and see what happens?"

        "Keep an eye on them.  Give them a little time.  It sounds like they're really trying now."

        "Yeah.  I want to talk to JC."

        "Did anybody tell them that Brian and Drew's wedding is tomorrow?"

        Lance laughed.  "I don't think so."

        "They might want to know."

        "You want to go over later?  We could just stop by, see how they're doing in person, tell them about the wedding."

        "Great."

        "Nick!  Who do you think you are running off and getting your lovers married without telling me?!"

        "Justin?"

        "You didn't invite us, but that's okay.  We'll come anyway."

        "Justin...hi.  You're..."

        "Sane."

        "Kind of."

        "Yeah, kind of.  It's okay.  We're working on it.  I can come to the wedding, right?"

        "Yes!  Of course!  You have to come, we want you there.  We were thinking of moving it back until you...were...better, but the church was-"

        "No problem.  We'll be there."

        "How's JC?"

        "Gorgeous.  Irritating as hell."

        "No, I said how's JC, not how are you."

        "Oh.  Sorry.  He's fine."

        "Good.  Hold on a second."  Nick set down the phone and ran to the den.  "It's Justin.  He and JC are coming to the wedding.  Can I ask them?"

        "Are you sure?" Drew asked.

        "Are they all right?" Brian asked.

        "I'm asking."  Nick ran back to the kitchen.  "Justin.  Can you do me a favor?"

        Pastor Russell came out first, bowed to the altar, and took his place.

        "Anywhere for You" began.

        Justin Jeffre and AJ came along the aisle together, Justin the only one who'd agreed to walk with AJ, whose tux was sleeveless.

        Next came Jeff and Howie, Howie winking at Chris, who pretended not to notice.

        Nick Lachey and Kevin followed Jeff and Howie, and no one could determine later whom in the congregation had whistled at which of them.  Joey firmly denied all allegations.

        Nick Carter came last, Drew's hand tucked in one elbow, Brian's in the other.  He'd planned to walk up alone, preceding them, but they'd insisted otherwise.

        Reaching the altar, Nick stopped.  He kissed Drew, whispering something to make Drew blush; then kissed Brian, whispering something to bring tears to Brian's eyes; and he nudged them towards each other.  Brian took Drew's hand and closed the gap, bringing the two of them together, Nick just a step behind them.

        Brian did cry during their vows.  Anyone else with wet cheeks clearly had allergies and was excused.

        When Nick handed over the wedding bands, Brian and Drew kissed him again, whispering, "I love you."

        Vows.  Rings.  Kiss.  Brian and Drew were married.

        Nick pinched him.

        "And the other Mr. Carter Littrell Lachey!"

        Everyone had to come and hug Drew and Brian, and then Nick, too.

        "Welcome to the family," Nick Timmons-Lachey told Brian, shaking his hand.

        Drew coughed.

        "You, too," Nick said, shaking Nick Carter's hand.

        "Thanks," Nick said.

        "Congratulations," Jeff said to Brian, giving him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.  "You're a very lucky man.  And you," he said to Nick Carter, "you keep an eye on them."

        "Someone has to," Nick said.  "They're always getting into such trouble."

        Jeff kissed him.  "Be good."

        "Starting right now?"

        Jeff caught his hand before it ventured anywhere interesting.  "Starting right now."  Jeff put an arm around his husband and walked away.

        "Thank you," Nick said.

        "What?" Jeff asked.

        Nick kissed him.  "Let's go find our table."

        Standing off to one side, JC straightened Justin's tie.  "You look good."

        "Thanks.  You too."

        "You ready?"

        "Ready."

        "If you get scared-"

        "I won't."

        "If you-"

        "I won't!"

        "If you get scared, sing to me."

        Justin kissed him, hard, tongues dueling.  It was an angry, punishing, I love you so much I need you, I need you so much I hate you, kiss.  "I won't."  He grabbed his microphone.

        Lance, seeing that Justin and JC were ready, said, "You guys ready?" to the newly married couple.

        "You ready?" Brian asked Drew.  Drew nodded and took his hand.

        "Should've married AJ," Nick told Drew softly.  "Brian can't dance."

        "He'll be fine," Drew said.  "You want to dance with me next?"

        Nick smiled.  "Sure."

        "Good.  Drew squeezed Brian's hand.  "Come on."

        Nick watched Brian and Drew walk together to the center of the floor as the music began.  There was a moment where they paused and frowned and smiled, and everyone else began to laugh, because they weren't sure who was supposed to lead.

        "You lead," Brian said.

        "You sure?" Drew asked.

        "You dance better."

        Drew smiled.  "Okay."

        The first cue had come and gone.  It was easily explained, as the dancers weren't ready yet.  But JC knew better.  It came again, and Justin looked into his eyes, right at him, and sang, "When the visions around you bring tears to your eyes, and all that surround you are secrets and lies, I'll be your strength, I'll give you hope, keeping your faith when it's gone.  The one you should call was standing here all along."

        JC took his hand for the chorus.  Justin closed his eyes and breathed.

        "You think they'll be okay?" Howie asked.

        AJ watched Drew and Brian dancing on their wedding day.  Watched Nick watching Drew and Brian dancing on their wedding day.  Watched Justin feeding off of JC just to sing this familiar song before friends,  JC encouraging Justin to do it.  "Yeah.  They'll be okay."

        "Guess we'll see," Howie said.