Controlled Perfection

Controlled Perfection

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Ashley Angel/Aaron Carter

Disclaimer: Nick Carter, Aaron Carter, and the young men who comprise the O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Wherein Ashley, oh, Ashley, what are we going to do with you?

Notice: Normally, I would give this story a higher rating because Aaron Carter is a minor. However, I don't want to scare away readers by making them think that I'm writing about a grown man having sex with a teenager, because I'm not. Therefore, the rating stands at PG-13.

Click here to see what Aaron looks like in 2003.

Vanessa

“We are not opening for Aaron Carter.”

“What is he now, twelve?”

“Doesn’t he still take his tutor on tour with him?”

“He still takes his mother on tour with him.”

“And his sisters.”

“What the hell is this, the Partridge Family?”

“Except Nick Carter’s David Cassidy. Aaron’s like Danny Bonaduce.”

“We are not opening for Danny Bonaduce.”

“Does he still sing ‘I Want Candy?’”

“I am not opening for Nick Carter’s dick, much less his baby brother.”

“Jesus Christ. Aaron Carter?! What the fucking hell?!”

“Opening for the Backstreet Boys would be an insult. Opening for Nick would be the kiss of death. Opening for Aaron will happen over my dead, rotting, stinking corpse.”

“Are you done?” They were given a pointed stare. “Do you want to sell albums? Do you want to get your music out there? Do you want to have a career this time next year? You will go on this tour, you will get onstage, and you will perform. I don’t care if you want to open for Aaron or not. I don’t care who’s onstage after you, if it’s Janet Jackson or Dumbo the Flying Elephant, you’re going to do this. If you don’t want to, they’ll find someone who does want a career, and you can all go home and get your bios ready for ‘Where Are They Now.’”

Dan put his hand on Jacob’s arm to keep Jacob from lunging for their manager’s throat.

“Didn’t he already do a tour for this album?” Erik asked.

“Aaron isn’t afraid of a little hard work,” they were told pointedly.

There was murder in Jacob’s eyes.

“I guess we’ll do it,” Trevor said, looking at each of them for their responses.

“Yeah,” Ashley said.

Dan squeezed Jacob’s arm.

Jacob still looked dangerously close to attacking.

Erik rubbed the back of his head. “Oh, Aaron.”

They were going to open for Aaron Carter.

Ashley was looking forward to it for gut-twisting personal reasons.

He had a crush on Nick.

A hot, guilty, wrenching, luscious crush on Nick.

He’d never been able to get close to Nick. There were too many professional-political barriers. They’d met, of course, which was how he’d developed the crush in the first place. But he’d never gotten a chance to get close.

Now he had his chance.

Nick was bound to show up on Aaron’s tour.

Anyone who paid the least bit of attention to Nick knew how close Nick and Aaron were. Nick flat-out loved Aaron. If Ashley got in Aaron’s good graces, he’d be in with Nick.

And if he had to listen to a few rounds of “Aaron’s Party” to get there, he’d do it.

They’d negotiated for extra stage time, so they could put on a pretty full show. They’d decided, largely because of Dan’s encouragement, to view it as an opportunity, not some sort of punishment. They’d tour, they’d put on a show, they’d do their best. They’d pretend it was their tour, and screw Aaron.

They met Aaron in his official capacity as headliner. He was friendly, and acted like they were all in this together.

Erik was still calling him Danny Bonaduce behind his back.

The first week was as rushed and stressful as it could be. Equipment was missing, they had to scramble to replace a bassist, Erik sprained his ankle, and on, and on.

Aaron was everywhere. That kid was busy. When he wasn’t running around doing something, other people were rushing him somewhere. Radio interview, soundcheck, meet and greet, the regular crazy nonstop bustle. It had to be harder, doing it all solo, instead of as part of a group, because all of the pressure was on him, all of the eyes were on him. Then he had to do his freaking homework.

He was always in motion. Dancing. Playing. Rehearsing. Bouncing. Then he’d stop, like he’d just remembered he was older now, and cooler. Then he’d forget himself, and turn into a kid again, fooling around. Ashley remembered being at the stage, halfway between kid and adult, but he’d done it in the privacy of his home and school, not in front of an international audience.

All of that said, Ashley didn’t like him.

He was Nick-Lite. Close to Nick, but falling short in every capacity. Riding Nick’s coattails like a motherfucker, and not even ashamed of it.

His voice sounded like Nick’s, only not as good. He seemed to have all of Nick’s mannerisms, only they worked much better on Nick. He wasn’t nearly as good-looking. His teeth weren’t as good. His mouth was all wrong. His eyes were the wrong color entirely. And it was still under discussion whether he dyed his hair or not.

He didn’t have Nick’s presence. He didn’t have Nick’s talent. Fine, he could do one-handed backflips, or whatever the hell those were, but Nick was gorgeous, and when it came down to it, gorgeous sold records.

Ashley and Jacob wanted to play Kingraiser V. Erik and Trevor wanted to play Hellbound Fury. Dan wasn’t there to be the tie-breaker, so the four of them were settling things the old-fashioned way. They were fighting for it. Erik stole the cartridge for Kingraiser V, so Jacob stole the cartridge for Hellbound Fury. Jacob locked himself in the bathroom with it, so while Trevor beat on the bathroom door, Ashley chased Erik into the hallway. He pounced; Erik went down; he was on Erik’s back, trying to hold on, while Erik tried to shimmy away, when someone reached down and took the cartridge from Erik’s hands.

Ashley looked up to protest, and saw Aaron.

Erik reached back and pushed. Ashley got up, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Aaron said, in that Nick-eight-years-ago voice.

“Can I have that back?” Erik asked, getting to his feet, sounding borderline pissed.

“Oh, yeah,” Aaron said, and handed it to him. “I love Kingraiser. The effects are better in VI, though.”

“You have Kingraiser VI?” Ashley asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron said.

“You’re kidding,” Ashley said.

“It’s in my room,” Aaron said. “You want to play?”

“I didn’t even know it was out yet,” Erik said. “Trevor!”

Trevor leaned out into the hallway, hanging from the doorjamb. “Yeah?”

“Aaron has Kingraiser VI,” Ashley said.

“No shit?” Trevor asked. “Damn, is that out? Jacob!”

Even Jacob was willing to put aside his differences for a good round of Kingraiser. They ended up in Aaron’s room, grouped around the controllers, trying to master the new version. Aaron knew most of the inside tips, although he hadn’t made it all the way through yet.

The afternoon started to remind Ashley of elementary school, or junior high, where there was always one kid, a nerdy kid or a whiner or someone who in general was a pariah, but had a rich dad or cool toys, so everybody would hang out at that kid’s house. They didn’t care about Aaron; in fact, they pretty much ignored him for the majority of the time. They were just there for the game.

Those kids, the ones who got used for their toys, usually knew that was their only way in, and ended up offering stuff to make friends. Aaron didn’t seem to be doing that, exactly. He wasn’t desperate for companionship. He just wanted to hang out and play videogames.

Ashley wondered if Aaron could tell they didn’t like him. He’d stopped interacting with them, and was sitting back, watching, chewing on one fingernail. He didn’t look unhappy, exactly, or lonely, quite. More like he was used to this, and if he waited, it would be over soon.

Ashley had the feeling they’d let him down. Like he’d wanted to be friends, and now he saw that they weren’t returning the favor.

Ashley didn’t like Aaron any more than the other guys did, but the kid was being nice, and he didn’t want to be mean in return. He might as well make conversation. “What other games do you have?”

“Uh…” Aaron shrugged. “Everything.”

“You have Mouthblood 300?” Erik asked. “Trevor lost ours.”

“I didn’t lose it,” Trevor said. “It was misplaced at some point after I played it.”

“You played it last, you saw it last, it hasn’t shown up since. You lost it,” Erik said.

“I have 300,” Aaron said. “It’s on the bus. I left 400 at home, but Angel’s bringing it when she comes.”

“Angel?” Trevor asked.

“My sister,” Aaron said.

Jacob paused the game and turned to Aaron. “Did you say 400?”

“He did,” Erik said. “You have Mouthblood 400?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I got it right before we left, but I forgot to pack it. I only played it once, too.”

“I didn’t think 400 was out yet,” Trevor said.

“It’s not,” Jacob said.

“I guess you’d know,” Trevor said.

“I do,” Jacob said, and stared at Aaron. “Either you’re lying, or you have some explaining to do.”

“Why would I lie about having a game?” Aaron asked. “Nick gets advance copies of most of the games FullTrader puts out. He gave Mouthblood 400 to me because he knew how much I liked 300. Why do you think I have Kingraiser VI?”

Jacob’s stare hardened.

“I wish we got advance copies,” Ashley said, trying to ease the tension.

Aaron stood. “I have to meet Jimmy now, so…” He looked disgusted with them. Ashley didn’t really blame him.

“Your tutor?” Erik asked. Jacob smirked.

Ashley wanted them to shut up. So the kid had a tutor. Would they prefer it if he skipped his education altogether? “We’ll get out of your way, then.” Ashley pulled Trevor towards the door. “Thanks for the game.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Trevor said.

“Later,” Erik said, and walked out with Jacob. Trevor followed them.

“Bye,” Ashley said, hesitating in the doorway. He felt like an ass, which was stupid, because he hadn’t done anything. Aaron had been naïve to think they’d be friends in the first place. They were older, and had no use for a kid, especially one who hadn’t earned his fame on his own merits.

“Yeah,” Aaron said.

Ashley wanted to apologize for Jacob, but Jacob would be pissed if he did. Instead, he walked away.

Erik wanted to ask Aaron if they could borrow some of his games. Dan said it didn’t seem right. Erik said if Aaron didn’t want to do it, all he had to do was say no. Trevor said there was nothing wrong with asking. Dan said it wasn’t a great idea.

Erik and Trevor were voting yes. Dan was voting no, because they’d told him how things had gone yesterday, and he didn’t want them to come off any worse than they already had. Jacob was voting no because he wanted nothing to do with Aaron.

Ashley was supposed to break the tie.

He hesitated.

“I barely got a chance at Kingraiser VI,” Erik said.

“His sister’s bringing Bloodmouth 400,” Trevor said.

“Who knows what else he has?” Erik asked.

Jacob shook his head.

“Maybe we should give it a few days,” Ashley said. “A little grace period.”

The rec center down the street from the hotel had a gym. Ashley and Trevor went to work out. Cooling down, waiting while Trevor chatted up a girl, Ashley wandered around a little.

There was an indoor basketball court. Aaron was there with two of his male dancers.

“Hey,” one of the dancers said to Ashley. “Make it two on two?”

“Singers against dancers,” the other guy said.

“Sure,” Ashley said, walking onto the court.

Aaron grinned and passed him the ball. “I hope you’re good.”

“I’m good at everything,” Ashley said with a grin. “Let’s go.”

Aaron was quick on his feet and had good natural grace for someone still growing into his body. Ashley quickly adjusted to the flow of Aaron’s game, finding an easy rhythm. They beat the dancers in two out of three.

“Trevor said you and Aaron hooped it up,” Erik said, perching on the tabletop.

“Yeah,” Ashley said. “He’s not bad.”

“You hit the showers afterward?”

“Yeah,” Ashley said. “Why, do I smell or something?”

“Just wondering if you…took a peek.”

“At what?” Ashley asked.

“You’re disgusting,” Trevor said to Erik.

“What?” Erik asked. “I’m just asking.”

“He’s a kid,” Trevor said.

“We all know Nick’s got the goods,” Erik said. “Just wondering if it runs in the family.”

“That’s sick,” Ashley said.

“You should be behind bars somewhere,” Trevor said to Erik.

“We know what’s in Nick’s Easter basket. I’m just curious as to whether the bunny was that good to Aaron,” Erik said.

“For a straight man, your obsession with male genitalia is frightening,” Ashley said. “And we don’t know for sure about Nick. That’s just rumor.”

“I wish someone would start that rumor about me,” Erik said.

“And I wish I could fly, but some things will never happen,” Ashley said. Trevor grinned at him behind Erik’s back.

“Yeah,” Erik said. Then he frowned. “Hey!”

“I’m not asking him,” Jacob said.

“I don’t think we should be asking him,” Dan said.

“You ask him,” Erik said to Ashley.

“Why me?” Ashley asked.

“You’re his friend.”

“We played basketball together,” Ashley said. “That’s it.”

“You’re more charming than I am,” Erik said. “You can get a few games out of him.”

“Ask when his sister’s bringing Mouthblood 400,” Trevor said.

“Ask if he has any NBA games,” Erik said. “Or NFL. Or wrestling!”

“Just see what he says,” Trevor said.

Aaron was getting off of his bus, picking up his bags, talking to his security guard. Ashley walked over with a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Aaron said, giving him a brief smile in return, then checking to make sure he had everything. “What’s up?” He shook his hair out of his eyes.

“You have time to play some Kingraiser later?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Shoot, no, I don’t.”

Ashley tried not to smile. Shoot? “You’re busy all night?”

“It’d have to be late,” Aaron said.

“Late’s good for me,” Ashley said. “Unless you have a curfew or something.”

“He does,” the security guard said, with a knowing look at Aaron.

“Yeah, whatever,” Aaron said. He laughed when he got another look. “Okay, I know. Guess I’ll have to get a rain check on that.”

“Okay,” Ashley said. “See you later.”

“Curfew?” Jacob asked.

“He has a bedtime?” Erik asked.

“We have a curfew,” Ashley said.

“No one enforces it,” Erik said.

“Those burly men who kick out our guests and make sure we’re in our rooms, they’re enforcing it,” Dan said. “Our curfew’s for the good of the tour, to make sure we go to bed at some point, since we get up at ungodly hours. It’s the same for Aaron.”

“Except his bedtime’s probably eight o’clock,” Erik said. “And his mother tucks him in.”

“We were always complaining that we never saw our families,” Dan said. “You can’t rip on him because he gets to see his.”

Ashley wondered when he’d have the balls to speak up like Dan did.

Ashley sat up in bed. He could swear he heard a soft tapping. Almost a scratching. Where was it coming from? He got up and followed the sound to the door. Someone was out there. Just as he was about to check the peephole, he heard a threatening bellow: “Aaron!”

Quick feet.

Ashley opened his door in time to see Aaron disappear into a room down the hall. He closed his door again, grinning.

Twenty minutes later, the hallway was clear.

After pulling on sweatpants and a T-shirt, Ashley snuck out of his room and tapped softly on Aaron’s door. There was a soft glow coming from underneath it. Aaron opened the door and he slipped in. A lamp was lit, and TechTron: Defeat the Gods was onscreen.

“We have to play with the sound down,” Aaron explained softly.

“I figured,” Ashley said. “What happens if we’re caught?”

Aaron shrugged, grinning. “Nothing.”

Ashley grinned back. “Then let’s do it.”

It happened very naturally. At first, while they played, they had the usual gaming conversation of cheering for themselves and dissing each other. Then Aaron yawned, and Ashley asked if they should stop, and Aaron said they should keep going, and they started talking about tomorrow’s schedule, and tour life in general, and how to survive bus rides. Ashley said that he and the others were sick of playing the same games for hours on end during every single bus ride, since they’d already mastered the games before hitting the road. Aaron offered some of his games. Ashley hesitated. Aaron offered again, obviously not thinking twice about it. Ashley, feeling very shady, accepted.

So, the next night, before hitting the road, Aaron took Ashley onto his bus to get some games.

Ashley was used to sharing a bus with at least four other people. That made it cramped and messy, just for starters. He had been on Britney’s bus, once, and damn, had that been nice. Aaron’s bus was almost as good. It should have had “Prince of Pop” written on the side, in glitter.

“You have this all to yourself?” Ashley asked.

“Not really,” Aaron said. “My mom, one of my sisters, Jimmy, usually there are a couple other people here with me.” He led Ashley to the back. “Most of my games are here. You can borrow whatever you want. Just don’t tell my mom I have Dungeon Beast 3. She thinks I gave it back to Nick. It’s supposed to be too bloody or sexy or something.”

“Then I definitely want to borrow that one,” Ashley said.

Aaron laughed.

When Ashley stepped onto the bus with Aaron’s games, he received a round of applause. “How’d you do it?” Trevor asked.

“He offered,” Ashley said. “He was really nice about it.”

“What’d you get?” Erik asked. “Dungeon Beast 3! Sweet! You guys have to see this one.”

“Final Game’s Grudge Match!” Trevor exclaimed. “We’re doing this one first.”

“He does have everything,” Dan said, impressed.

“Neon Fantasy Eight! This one’s impossible to beat. See if he knows any of the tips,” Erik said.

“Why do I get the feeling that this will go down in history as your favorite tour ever, not because of the shows, but because you get to rifle through Aaron Carter’s videogame collection?” Jacob asked.

“Jacob. He has Dungeon Beast 3. It’s so nasty parents are petitioning to get it off the market,” Erik said. “Aaron Carter is my new best friend.”

Ashley knocked on Aaron’s hotel room door.

Aaron’s tutor, Jimmy opened the door. “Ashley, right?”

“Right,” Ashley said. “Is Aaron busy?”

“Come on in,” Jimmy said. “Five minutes,” he told Aaron, and left.

Ashley walked into the room. Aaron was on the couch, knees up, frowning at his laptop screen.

“Homework?” Ashley asked.

“I have to write an essay,” Aaron said. He started chewing on his thumbnail.

“What about?” Ashley asked, walking closer.

“This Boy’s Life. How the biography compares to the movie in its portrayal of…whatever.”

“Isn’t that the one with Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert DeNiro?”

“You’ve heard of it?”

“I saw it, yeah.”

“Want to read the book and write a quick essay?”

Ashley smiled. “No, I’ll leave that up to you.”

Aaron tapped a few keys, apparently at random.

“Guess I should go,” Ashley said. “Don’t want to interrupt genius at work.”

Aaron snorted.

“Good luck,” Ashley said, heading back towards the door.

“Thanks,” Aaron said, sounding like he thought he’d need it.

Ashley paused in the doorway. “How old are you?”

Aaron didn’t even glance up. Apparently he was used to the question. “Almost sixteen.”

Ashley nodded and left.

Aaron was wandering around onstage, singing. “Have you ever wondered why I gave three wishes to you?” He took a few impromptu dance steps. “You asked a question but the answer lies in you.” He started to get into it, dancing around to amuse himself while he sang.

He was a good dancer.

Well, shit.

Okay, he wasn’t Usher, but he was good. He was better than any of them, anyway. Not that Ashley was going to tell Jacob.

When soundcheck was over, Aaron started to walk offstage, and he saw Ashley. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Ashley said.

“I’m going out for a meet and greet. You want to come?”

Ashley hesitated. Were they supposed to be friends now?

“Last time I took Nick to one, this one girl was so surprised she fainted. I was so scared we’d just killed someone,” Aaron said.

Nick. Ashley remembered why the hell he’d started talking to Aaron in the first place, and why he had to keep doing it. “I can’t promise I’ll make anyone faint, but I will sign a few autographs.”

“Now all we have to do is find out where it is,” Aaron said.

“Is Nick… The rest of your family seems to be in and out. Is he planning on visiting, too?” Ashley asked.

“Yeah, sometime,” Aaron said. “He always does. He likes to make sure everything’s going right. Why is it that all day long I have a dozen people hovering around me, and now that I need help, they’re all gone?”

“If you’ll stop complaining, Mr. Pop Star, I’d be happy to direct you to your fans,” his bodyguard said.

“Got to get the autograph hand ready,” Aaron said, shaking out his right hand. “Someday I’m going to start signing other people’s names, just to be stupid. See if anyone notices.”

“My handwriting gets out of control if I have to do too many in a row,” Ashley said.

“Tell me about it. I start drawing a weird squiggle instead of my name.”

“It’s rough being famous, isn’t it?” Ashley teased.

“Oh, it’s terrible,” Aaron agreed. “People should feel sorry for us.”

“He is not blond.”

“He’s been famous since he was in diapers, and he was blond then. Nobody dyes a seven-year-old’s hair.”

“Have you met his mother?”

“Maybe he started off blond, but he’s not blond now.”

“He’s blond! It’s just dark at the roots.”

“The hair under his arms is sort of in-between.”

“There’s hair under his arms?”

“There’s no hair under his arms.”

“Yes, there is. He’s not eight.”

“Is it in-between like dark, or in-between like blond?”

“It’s in-between like in-between.”

“There’s hair under his arms?”

“You’re the one who’s around him all of the time. How did I notice if you didn’t notice?”

“I’m not looking.”

“Hair under his arms? What’s next, shaving?”

“Our baby’s becoming a man.”

“Oh, Aaron.”

Ashley stepped out of his room to go to Trevor’s room, when he saw Jimmy step into the hall, too. “Five more,” Jimmy was saying. “I’ll be back to check on you.”

Jimmy went around the corner. Ashley poked his head into Aaron’s room. “Hi.”

“I hate geometry,” Aaron muttered without looking up.

“Five more what? Minutes or problems?” Ashley asked.

“Problems.” Aaron started erasing. “Are you good at math?”

“I did okay in geometry. What’s up?” He sat across from Aaron at the table, taking the other chair.

“I’ll pay you a hundred bucks to do this for me.”

“Is that an exaggeration, or would you really?”

“Cash up front,” Aaron said. “My brain is fried,” he muttered.

Ashley watched him. His eyebrows were heavier and darker than Nick’s. His eyelashes were the same dark shade as his eyebrows, and fairly long. His eyes were…

Aaron looked up. “What?”

“Nothing,” Ashley said. “You done yet?”

“I’ll give you two hundred,” Aaron offered.

“You don’t really carry two hundred dollars in cash on you.”

“No. But I’d find a way to pay you.” Aaron tapped his pencil and went back to work.

…alive. His eyes were warm and alive. Deep and soft. Dark and wet, like melted chocolate. Brown wasn’t really a pretty color, at least not in Ashley’s experience, but…

“Great show last night,” Aaron said.

“What?” Ashley said.

“Great show. Last night,” Aaron said. “You guys.”

“You saw it?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I get sort of nervous sitting backstage just waiting, so I’ve been coming up to watch some of your show.”

“Thanks.” Ashley wondered what it was like to be the only one out there, the only star. All of that pressure. He got nervous before shows, sure, but he had four other guys being nervous with him, and they could support each other. Also, when he was onstage, only one-fifth of the crowd was looking at him, so if he screwed up, it was mortifying but not the end of the world. How did Aaron do it? Manage to go out there every night? So freaking young and so freaking alone. Sure, Aaron had his family’s support, and dancers, and a band, but when it came right down to it, when Aaron was out there onstage, he was it.

Aaron looked up again. “What?” He sounded almost nervous, but he was smiling, like, why is this freak staring at me?

Ashley tried to think of an excuse. “Are you really blond?”

“You did not just ask me that,” Aaron said, and laughed. “Wow. Yeah, I am. Sometimes they put extra streaks in it for videos, or they try to lighten the roots for photo shoots. But it’s natural.” He looked at Ashley with a sly little smile. “Why, what about you?”

“Me?” Ashley asked.

“Is yours natural?”

“Yes,” Ashley said. He couldn’t be offended, because he’d just asked the same stupid question.

“I’m done with this,” Aaron said, snapping his book shut. “What time is it?”

“Just past eleven.”

“You want some room service? I’m starving.”

“Yeah,” Ashley said, as Aaron got up to find the menu. There was a knock; Aaron veered in that direction and opened the door.

“All set?” Jimmy asked.

Aaron groaned and stalked back to the table, sitting down again and opening his textbook. “I only had one left,” he muttered, picking up his pencil.

“Now you have six left,” Jimmy said. “Ashley?”

“I’d better go,” Ashley said, getting up. “Good luck.”

“You could’ve made an easy two hundred, and I could be so well-fed right now,” Aaron reminded him.

Ashley grinned. “Maybe next time.”

After the show, the other guys took off. Erik and Trevor wanted to get out and have fun; Dan and Jacob wanted to be alone. Ashley roamed the bowels of the arena, wondering where Aaron’s dressing room was, and what Aaron was like during the final countdown to showtime.

He found Aaron’s dressing room, but the sign on the door clearly stated that no entry was allowed, and the guard at the door didn’t look inclined to let Ashley in.

A few minutes later, though, Aaron emerged. In seconds, people were on him, adjusting this, adjusting that, getting him miked. He looked good, outwardly jittery but inwardly focused. When he saw Ashley, he smiled. “Hey.” He pushed his hair back off of his forehead. “Thought you’d be long gone by now.”

“Thought I’d hang around, watch the show,” Ashley said. “You’d better go.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Aaron jogged off.

Pretty together. Pretty professional. Ashley had to admire him for it.

The show was good. The show was fun. Aaron was good. He was pretty close to owning the stage, and he was working his butt off to entertain the crowd. His dramatic pause, the hallmark of a true performer, wasn’t bad, and those flips were no joke.

Ashley had a good time. It was a good concert.

Well, shit.

Somehow, Ashley ended up on Aaron’s bus for their next ride. It had happened so casually and so, so fluidly, that he’d just gone along with it. So there he was, on Aaron’s bus.

Once he realized what had happened, he felt a prickling sense of dread. They were going to be there for hours, and he was trapped, stuck, and Aaron was fine in short spurts, but long-term? He’d be clawing his way out through the floor to escape.

Jimmy was there, and so was Jonas, Aaron’s bodyguard, but they were sticking to themselves. That left Ashley pretty much alone with Aaron.

Aaron was nice, but… God. Maybe he’d go to sleep and leave Ashley alone.

They played videogames, and they watched Rat Race, and they scrounged through the refrigerator. Then they started talking about football, and then Aaron asked what he’d thought of the show, and before Ashley knew it, the ride was over.

It was something of a relief to rejoin the guys.

But he had a weird feeling of regret when he watched Aaron walk away.

Dan and Jacob were…yeah. Erik and Trevor were out. Ashley went to the lounge, because his room was making him claustrophobic.

Aaron came in. “Hey.”

“Don’t tell me you have free time,” Ashley said.

“No, I have an interview in half an hour,” Aaron said. “Bop. Or Tiger Beat. How do you tell them apart?”

“I don’t,” Ashley said.

“Great show last night.”

“Thanks. You, too.”

“I like the choreography for ‘Liquid Dreams.’”

“Really?” Ashley asked.

“I like the,” he put his arms up, “‘with Janet Jackson’s style,’” he did the move, rocking his arms back and forth, then dipping low and sweeping back. “That’s pretty tight.”

“Thanks,” Ashley said. “That was pretty good.”

“What’s the hardest part of dancing, do you think?” Aaron asked, sitting on the couch’s armrest, looking at Ashley.

“Getting it right in time with the other guys, so we’re synchronized,” Ashley said. “And not bumping into each other; we used to do that a lot. The stuff we do… We have to learn it, and it is choreography, and we have to get it right. But it’s not like, it’s not Michael Jackson-level difficult. Jacob gets it pretty quickly.”

“The best thing I ever learned was when AJ told me about muscle control. It’s like voice control. Once you have it, you can do whatever you want. When he taught me how to roll my hips, I knew I had it.”

“Let me see it,” Ashley said.

“You don’t think I can do it?” Aaron asked, eyes sparkling at the challenge.

“You’re fifteen.”

“Age has nothing to do with it. Brian’s old and he can’t do it.” Aaron got off of the armrest and took up a preparatory stance. “It’s just…” He rolled his hips several times in slow succession, a controlled, provocative, full-body move. It was almost invitingly sexual. “It has to come through you like a natural flow.” He grinned. “Besides, I’m almost sixteen. And once I start having sex, this is going to be a very important move.”

“I can’t believe you just said that!” Ashley said.

“What?” Aaron said, sitting on the armrest again. “That’s what all of the thrusting and rolling is for, isn’t it?”

“It’s dancing, not sex.”

“Dancing is two things: entertainment and sex.”

“Who told you that?” Ashley asked.

Aaron grinned. “AJ. He told me a lot of good stuff. He said a lot of the stuff they had Nick doing, Nick was too young and trusting to think twice about, so he didn’t know really what it was he was doing. AJ wanted me to be aware of it and not get taken advantage of.”

“That’s smart,” Ashley said. “I know I’ve done things and agreed to things I wish I hadn’t done, but at the time, I didn’t know better.”

“Like what?”

“Like getting videotaped in the shower.”

“What?” Aaron asked, shocked. “When did that happen?”

“It was on the show. They had the rights to videotape us all of the time. So everyone in America got to see me in the shower.”

“Naked?”

“They didn’t show everything,” Ashley said. “They can’t do that.”

“Still, that’s pretty wild,” Aaron said. “What was it like, being on TV, having the cameras around no matter what?”

“It was the worst thing we could have done,” Ashley said. “But we didn’t have a choice. That was how we were put together.”

“Did they have the other guys shower on TV, too?”

“No, just me.”

“Really? Guess that makes you the heartthrob.”

Ashley winced. “Don’t say that.”

Aaron laughed. “Sorry. I’ve been a student of the male pop group thing my whole life. But it’s true, though, isn’t it? You’re the heartthrob?”

Fortunately for Ashley, Aaron’s mom walked in just then, sparing him further humiliation. She and Aaron had a quick discussion out of Ashley’s earshot, during which she tidied up Aaron’s hair and adjusted his shirt. Then she left, and Aaron resumed his perch on the armrest. “Sheila Lee from Bop is on her way. You want to stay?”

“Isn’t this your interview?” Ashley asked.

“Yeah, but it’s not like she’ll mind. She gets two for the price of one.”

“Is your mom, are your people, going to be okay with that?”

“Sure,” Aaron said. A woman walked in, followed by a photographer. Aaron jumped off of the armrest. “Hi, I’m Aaron.”

The interview went pretty well. Aaron was polite and interesting. He came off as warm, confident, and bubbly-friendly about most things, although endearingly unsure about a few other things, which was an irresistible combination. He was generous with his time, and also with his spotlight, inviting the interviewer to talk to Ashley, “since it’s his tour, too,” which was so glaringly inaccurate Ashley had to force a smile.

When Sheila asked whether the two of them were good friends, Aaron glanced at Ashley with a slow sweep of dark lashes and hesitated a heartbeat too long before saying yes. Apparently Aaron was still uncertain of his footing, which suited Ashley just fine. They were too close as it was; if they got any closer, he’d have to start feeling guilty for using Aaron to get to Nick.

She asked about Nick, of course, and how Aaron felt about Nick’s solo career, and how Aaron would feel if Nick made a second album and they had to compete in the market. Aaron said since their music was so different, he didn’t see how they’d be competing. “But of course I’m going to kick his butt in sales,” Aaron added, and grinned, so amused by himself Ashley had to smile, too.

Ashley groaned, kicking off the covers, getting out of bed and opening the door. “What?”

“Hi,” Dan said. “Can we switch rooms?”

“What’s wrong with your room?” Ashley asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Aaron’s right beside it,” Dan said.

“What’s wrong with your room?” Ashley asked Jacob.

“Aaron’s mom’s right beside it,” Jacob said.

Yeah, that wouldn’t be good. “Okay,” Ashley said. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks. 218,” Dan said, handing him a key card. “Appreciate it.”

Ashley accepted the key and shuffled down the hallway. He passed 216 on his way, and noticed a soft glow coming beneath the door. He hesitated, then knocked.

Aaron opened the door. “Hey,” he said.

“Go to sleep,” Ashley said.

Aaron grinned. “I’m watching The Matrix. Want to come in?”

“Go to sleep,” Ashley said.

“They’re right at the part where-”

Ashley poked him in the forehead to puncuate each word: “Go. To. Sleep.”

Aaron batted away Ashley’s hand. “Agent Smith is-”

“Sleep,” Ashley ordered, and tousled his hair. “You have to look presentable for your fans.”

“What’re you doing up, anyway?”

“Sleepwalking,” Ashley said. “Go to bed.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Nice underwear,” he added as he closed the door.

Ashley rolled his eyes and went to Dan’s room.

Ashley looked at Erik. “Take off your glasses.”

“Why?”

“Because I asked you to?”

Erik did it.

Ashley leaned in closer. He narrowed his eyes.

“What are you looking for?” Erik asked.

Ashley stared into Erik’s eyes.

“What?!” Erik demanded.

“You have brown eyes,” Ashley said.

“Yes, I do, Captain Obvious.”

Ashley stepped back. He didn’t get it.

“So what’s it like?” Erik asked.

“What’s what like?” Ashley asked.

“Being a dumb blond. Does it-” Erik didn’t finish his sentence; he was too busy fending off Ashley’s attack. Ashley got him down to the ground, and he was begging for mercy when Dan said, “Hey, Aaron.”

Ashley stopped struggling, merely holding Erik down, and looked up. Aaron, who looked amused, didn’t comment but said, “Leslie sent over Mouthblood 400, if you guys want to borrow it.”

“Let me up, let me up!” Erik said, surging forth and breaking free. Ashley landed on his ass, laughing, while Erik snatched the game from Aaron’s hand. “This is treasure! You are a wonderful child,” Erik said to Aaron.

“Thanks,” Aaron said.

“We’ll make him give it back,” Ashley said, getting to his feet. “Have you beaten it yet?”

“Almost,” Aaron said. “It’s really good.” Someone called his name. “Gotta run. Bye.”

“Bye,” Ashley said. “Thanks.”

“He’s a good kid,” Dan said.

“Yeah,” Ashley said. “He is.”

Aaron did have hair under his arms. It was dirty blond, and soft-looking. Ashley had the weird urge to touch it.

“You’re going to be tall,” Ashley said, looking at Aaron’s long legs and arms, long torso.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Probably. I hope I’m taller than Nick.”

“What’s he like?” Ashley asked.

“For real, you mean?” Aaron scratched the side of his head. “He’s great. He loves me, you know, I guess he loves me more than anyone else does, and I know I take advantage of it. He’s grown up now, really grown up. He’s funny and he’s stupid and I want him to be happy. I don’t think I’m answering your question. Nick’s Nick, he’s really giving when he loves you, but if you cross him it’s over. I think the industry did that to him.” The bus slowed and Aaron glanced out the window. “A lot of people think I’m using him to get my career, but he doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as I’m doing my own thing, and he’s helping out if he can. He said he’s coming to see me soon. Angel’s not coming after all, she doesn’t like to hang out on tour as much.”

“How old is she?”

“Fifteen. Almost sixteen.”

“You’re fifteen, almost sixteen.”

“We’re twins. She’s a model. Want to see?” Aaron got up and left; a second later he was back with a photograph. “That’s Angel.”

“She’s a model?” Ashley asked.

“Yeah. Why are you looking like that?”

“Don’t get me wrong, she’s pretty, but I think it’s kind of funny that she’s the one who wants to be a model when her brothers are prettier than she is.”

Aaron laughed, true laughter, delighted shock. “I can’t wait to tell her that! She’ll be so mad at me!” He sat down again. “She’s way better-looking than I am, though.”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because she’s pretty and… I don’t like the way I look.”

“You don’t?”

“God, no. I’m so skinny and my hands are too big and I can’t take pictures with my mouth open because my teeth aren’t straight like they should be. My eyebrows are so dark and my eyes are brown, I wish they were blue. I look so ordinary, I don’t know why people have posters of me.”

“You’re crazy,” Ashley said. “You’re beautiful.” The sentence slipped out before he realized what the words were, but once it was out, he knew he’d meant it. “Besides, all of those things you said are wrong. You’re not skinny, you’re young and slender. Your hands aren’t too big; you have great long fingers and you’re going to have great hands once you’ve finished growing. Your teeth are fine. You don’t have to have Nick’s teeth to have a great smile. Your eyebrows match your roots and draw attention to your eyes, and your eyes, they’re so dark and deep, I wouldn’t change them to blue if you paid me. You don’t look ordinary, you look like Aaron Carter, and…” He’d said it once, he might as well say it again. “You’re beautiful.”

Aaron tugged at the hem of his shorts. “Angel likes you. She thinks you’re really hot. She got so excited when I told her I saw you in your underwear.”

“Thanks for telling her,” Ashley said.

Aaron grinned. “No problem.”

Ashley had been staying back after every show to watch Aaron. Sometimes he’d go down to see Aaron come out of his dressing room first; sometimes he wouldn’t.

One afternoon, Trevor sliced the sole of his foot open. Since Jacob had already lost his voice, management decided that maybe they shouldn’t go on that night. Erik went with Trevor to the hospital, while Dan stayed at the hotel taking care of Jacob. Ashley made sure Trevor was okay, made sure Jacob was okay, and went to the venue that night.

He wasn’t sure why he was going. He had no reason to be there. True, they wouldn’t have let him go to the hospital, since Erik was already there; and there wasn’t anything he could do for Jacob. Still, he could have taken the night off. Instead, he was acting like an idiot who was showing up for work out of habit like he couldn’t stay away.

He hadn’t seen Aaron all day, with one thing and another, which wasn’t all that unusual. They were so busy, and Aaron was so busy, that it had occurred to Ashley more than once that he seemed to be taking up all of the so-called free time that Aaron did have.

Then there Aaron was, coming around the corner. “Hey, Ashley,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing,” Ashley admitted.

“How’s Trevor?”

“He’ll be okay. It’s going to hurt like a - - it’s going to hurt, but the show goes on, right?”

Aaron smiled, like he knew what Ashley had been about to say. “You can curse in front of me. I’m not supposed to do it, but I know how it works.”

“Bad for your image?” Ashley guessed.

“Yeah. Listen, I’m going back to my dressing room. You want to come?”

“Yeah,” Ashley said, curious about it.

It was nice. There was a good spread of snack food, a Nerf basketball set, and a gaming system. There was a cell phone sitting on the table, which Ashley didn’t really get. He and Aaron picked up sodas and sat on the couch with a bag of Doritos open between them.

“You can’t swear in public, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it in private,” Ashley said.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to do something in private that I can’t do in public. If I get used to doing it, I’ll probably do it when I shouldn’t, out of habit.”

“That makes sense,” Ashley said. He watched Aaron eat. “You’ve never had sex?”

Aaron looked at him. “No.” Brown eyes darted. “Why?”

“You have a lot of fans. You could get laid any time you wanted to. That sounded a lot cruder than I meant it to, but you know what I mean.”

“I guess that’s what’s wrong. I know how it goes. You pick a girl out of the crowd and have somebody get her for you. Management or security or whoever supplies girls for you. It’s one of the perks, right?”

“Yeah,” Ashley said, because it was true.

“Have you done it?”

“No.”

“But you could.”

“Yeah.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“It’s…personal.”

Aaron weighed that and let it go. “I don’t want to do it that way. I want to, I guess I want to get a girlfriend on my own, and then have sex with her once I know her and I feel like I’m in love with her. Maybe in ten years I’ll be picking girls out of the crowd outside my hotel, having them sent to my room like I’m ordering room service, but I don’t want that now. Especially not for my first time, that’d be wrong.”

“You want to be in love first.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you really a guy?”

Aaron hit him in the shoulder.

“No, I’m kidding,” Ashley said. “I think that’s great, I really do.”

“Uh-huh,” Aaron said, not believing him. “You’ve had sex, right?”

“Yeah,” Ashley said.

“A lot?”

“I wouldn’t say a lot.”

“Did you like it?”

“It’s sex,” Ashley said. “It felt incredible. Of course I liked it.” He took a drink. “How far have you gone?”

“Uh, not far,” Aaron said. He bit off the end of a Dorito. “Kind of not far at all.”

“You’ve kissed girls, right?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess. A few, or whatever.”

Ashley smiled. “How many is a few or whatever?”

Aaron was turning red. “It’s personal,” he said, repeating Ashley’s earlier words.

“Tell me.”

“None, but don’t tell anybody.”

“None?” Ashley asked. “None?!”

“Shut up.” Aaron scrunched down farther into the sofa, embarrassed. “It’s not like there’s some law saying I have to.”

“It’s okay,” Ashley said. He brushed Aaron’s bangs out of his eyes. “It’s kind of cute.”

Aaron made a face.

Ashley laughed. “It’s okay. It’s probably better for your image, anyway.”

The cell phone on the table rang. “Hold on,” Aaron said, getting up. “Hello? Hey.” He came back, sitting on the armrest. “Nothing. O-Town’s not going on tonight. Trevor cut his foot open. No, Ashley said he’ll be okay. No, she’s taking care of something, I don’t know what. No, Ashley’s here. Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah? Really? Hey, did you talk to Angel? I don’t know, that’s what I was wondering, but I can’t ask her because she isn’t talking to me. No, I told her something Ashley said, and she got all mad at me. Tell me about it. What, I’m not telling you.”

Ashley was getting a suspicion about who was on the other end of that call.

“I just said I’m not telling you. You don’t listen very well. Hey!” Aaron laughed. “Jerk. Okay, so I showed Ashley a picture of Angel, because she’s all into him, or whatever, and he said, yeah, okay, so she’s pretty and all, but it’s kind of weird that she’s the one who wants to be a model when her brothers are both prettier than she is. I know! I know, you’re ugly as dirt. You don’t have to tell me. But anyway, so I told her, and now she won’t talk to me. I am not! I am not - - shut up! Shut up, Nick. Okay, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever, would you shut up?”

Ashley wanted to take the phone from him.

“Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love you, too. Okay. I will. Love you. Bye.” Aaron hung up. “Nick said hi.”

“How’s he doing?” Ashley asked.

“Good.” Aaron slipped down from the armrest onto the cushions, resuming his earlier spot.

“Does he call before every show?”

“If he can. When he can.” Aaron took a drink. “You want to play something?”

They played videogames for a while. Then Jonas knocked on the door.

“I, uh, have to get dressed,” Aaron said.

“Okay,” Ashley said. “I’ll go. Have a good show.”

“Thanks.”

“Your first girl is going to be very lucky,” Ashley said.

“Okay, just go.”

Ashley laughed and left.

“You can stop that any second now,” Jacob said.

“What?” Ashley asked.

“You were singing,” Jacob said.

“It’s what we do,” Ashley said.

“You were singing one of Aaron’s songs,” Jacob said.

“Oh.”

A few hours later, he heard himself doing it again.

It was a king bed, so there was plenty of room for both of them to sprawl across it. Ashley found himself looking at Aaron’s hand where it was plucking at the bedspread. Aaron had great hands with long fingers. Very attractive. Aaron raised that hand and started chewing on his fingernails, which led Ashley to look at his mouth. Aaron’s mouth was nowhere near as good as Nick’s, but it looked so soft…

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah,” Ashley said.

“There’s a… I talked to Nick and AJ about it. It’s… You’re a guy.”

“Yes.” Ashley smiled. “What’s going on?”

“Do you get a hard-on when you’re onstage?”

Oh. Ashley licked his lips, playing for time. “Honestly? Yeah, sometimes.”

“Don’t you get embarrassed?”

“Yeah, but I can’t do anything about it. I just ignore it and hope no one notices.”

“The first time it happened, I was so embarrassed. So embarrassed.”

“It’s natural. It happens to a lot of us. Jacob says that’s how you know you’re meant to be a performer.”

“I have this…trick.”

“Trick?” Ashley asked. “To keep it from happening?” he guessed.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. He plucked at the bedspread again.

“What is it?” Ashley asked.

“It works almost every time.”

“What is it?”

“Right before I go on, I mean right before, when I’m dressed, right before I go out to hit the stage, right before I leave my dressing room.”

“What?” Ashley asked, his mind already working.

“I… You know. You saw that bowl of water on the table? That’s where I wash my hands.”

God.

“Is that really, really weird?” Aaron asked, meeting his eyes.

“It’s actually pretty smart,” Ashley said. “You’re taking care of the problem.”

“It’s weird,” Aaron said, dropping his forehead to the mattress, hiding his face. “I’m a freak.”

“It’s smart,” Ashley said again. “The rest of us don’t have that much sense.” He rubbed his hand over Aaron’s back. “Next time I have that problem, I’m going to wish I’d done it.”

Aaron raised his head, rolling onto his side. Ashley pulled his hand back. “AJ says he likes it. It makes him feel more alive during the show.”

“You’re not a freak. AJ’s a freak.”

Aaron laughed.

Ashley realized he’d stopped thinking of Aaron as “the kid” or “Nick’s brother.” Aaron was Aaron now. A young person coming into maturity, on his way to manhood, becoming himself. An independent individual not defined by family or status.

Ashley liked to spend time with him, and got frustrated when their schedules didn’t allow them time together. He started to hang around even when Aaron was doing homework, when he could, because it gave them a chance to share time and space.

He liked watching Aaron. He liked talking to Aaron. He liked listening to Aaron. He liked looking at Aaron.

Aaron’s mannerisms reminded him less and less of Nick and more and more of Aaron.

Aaron’s show had not gone well. His mike had been in and out. He’d returned late from a quick change. One of his dancers had fallen. Some of the pyro hadn’t gone off at all, while one explosion had come in late and exploded dangerously close to him.

Ashley wanted to make sure Aaron was okay, but Aaron wasn’t around, which only made him want to see Aaron more. Finally, he went to bed, vowing to track Aaron down in the morning.

Soft tapping at his door.

Ashley pushed himself out of sleep and out of bed. It didn’t sound like one of the guys, so he pulled on jeans and checked the peephole. Aaron. He snatched open the door.

Aaron put his finger to his lips and then mouthed, “Get dressed.”

Ashley scrounged up a T-shirt and sneakers. He ran his hands through his hair.

“Jacket,” Aaron whispered.

They were really going somewhere? Ashley pulled on his jacket and followed Aaron into the hall, closing his door quietly, slipping his key into his pocket. They took the stairs and went out the back entrance, managing to avoid everyone.

“Where are we going?” Ashley whispered once they were outside in the dark night.

Aaron didn’t answer, just ducked around the corner. Ashley followed. There was a motorcycle parked beside the wall; Aaron went straight to it.

“You have a motorcycle?” Ashley asked.

“Yeah.” Aaron handed him a helmet and got on.

Ashley put on the helmet and sat behind Aaron. He had to hold onto something, so he put his hands on Aaron’s hips. The motorcycle roared to life, light flaring in the darkness, and they were off.

Ashley had no idea where they were going, so he hoped Aaron had at least a clue. They hit a highway, and Ashley held onto Aaron more tightly, his chest to Aaron’s back. The cycle thrummed dangerously between his legs.

Aaron took an exit ramp and drove down a dark road until they were away from any buildings. Then Aaron slowed, easing the bike to a stop, pulling off of the road.

Ashley got off.

Aaron got off, too, letting his helmet fall to the ground, dropping down beside it.

Ashley sat with him.

“You saw the show?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah,” Ashley said. The moon was behind clouds; he slid closer to see Aaron’s face better.

“I know it’s not my fault. That’s what’s so hard about it. Katrina’s never slipped before and she won’t do it again, the sound guys are checking and double-checking everything from now on, the pyro guys are going to go over the system a million times, wardrobe apologized over and over again. None of it’s my fault. That means my show sucked, and I can’t fix it. I can’t do anything to make it better. It’s like it’s my show and it’s out of my hands.”

“Everyone knows it’s not your fault. The audience loved the show and they loved you. You did the best you could, and everyone knows that. You did great, Aaron. That was insane, it was crazy, everything was going wrong, and you were so good up there. You were clean and professional the whole time. A lot of people would have been shaken, would have started screwing up, especially after that explosion. Hell, I know I would’ve messed up after that. But you held the show together, all by yourself.”

“My mom’s so upset. The show going wrong. Her little boy almost getting blown up. Tonight was crazy. After the show was worse than the show, with everybody going off on everybody else.”

“I think tonight may have been one of your best shows ever,” Ashley said. “You showed how good you really are.”

Crickets chirped.

Time passed.

Ashley sat with Aaron.

“We should get back,” Aaron said. “You want to drive?”

“Yeah,” Ashley said. He got up, dusting off his ass, and straddled the bike, pulling on his helmet. Aaron sat behind him, and they hit the road.

There was a weird vibration running through Ashley, and it had nothing to do with the thrum of the bike. It had everything to do with being snug in the vee of Aaron’s thighs, the press of Aaron’s chest at his back, the grip of Aaron’s hands on his hips. Aaron’s fingers hooked through his belt loops, briefly tugging the denim more tightly over his hard-on.

Fifteen, Ashley’s mind whispered.

Almost sixteen, licked down his spine.

Almost sixteen is not sixteen, it’s fifteen.

Almost sixteen.

Even if he were sixteen, you’re twenty-two.

Only six years.

Six years is a long time! He’s a minor. You’re an adult.

Oh, hell, it’s not like it matters anyway. Nothing’s going to happen. Let your dick want whatever it wants. It’s harmless, passing desire.

Fine. Just make sure it stays that way.

Fine.

It wasn’t like Aaron was in danger of anything. Aaron was off-limits for several very pressing reasons, and Ashley knew that. Besides, Aaron was straight, and Ashley was in the closet, and nothing could have happened between them even had Aaron been older, for those reasons.

Ashley found his way back to the hotel, and parked where the bike had been. “I’ll get Jonas to put it away for me in the morning,” Aaron whispered.

“Does he know you-”

“No, but what can he do about it now?” Aaron asked.

Sound logic. They snuck back in, carrying the helmets. In the hallway, Aaron gave Ashley a stricken look in the dim lighting. “Ashley.”

“What?” Ashley whispered.

“I don’t have my key.”

“What?”

“I don’t have my key.” Aaron started searching his pockets.

Ashley thought quickly. They couldn’t go to someone else like Jonas or Aaron’s mother, because they’d be asked why Aaron was up. Jonas was going to know in the morning, but why tell him earlier than they had to? They could go to the front desk, but was that really a good idea? “Can you stay in my room?” Ashley asked.

Aaron stopped searching and gave the idea consideration. “Yeah. I can say I was upset about the show and came to talk to you, and then I realized I didn’t have my key, so I stayed. We can skip the motorcycle part.”

Ashley let them in and locked the door. “Do you,” well, shit, “do you want the bed?”

“It’s your room,” Aaron said. “Can’t we share it? I snore, but I don’t take up a lot of room.”

“Okay.” Ashley undressed, keeping his T-shirt on with his underwear, and Aaron did the same. They got into bed, sticking to their respective sides.

“Thanks for coming out with me tonight,” Aaron said.

“I had a good time,” Ashley said. It sounded slightly odd, but it was true.

That night, Aaron literally danced through Ashley’s dreams.

“Ashley. Ashley.” Aaron was shaking his shoulder.

Ashley opened his eyes and was smacked upside the head with how good-looking Aaron was. Then he remembered last night, and realized that someone was knocking on the door. He sat up quickly, organizing his brain, and got out of bed. Aaron stood, too, hanging back. Ashley tucked the helmets and Aaron’s jacket out of sight in the bathroom, then opened the door.

“Do you know where-”

“Hey, Jonas,” Aaron said. “Can you let me in my room? I left my key.”

“You should have asked me for it last night,” Jonas said, “instead of letting your mother find your room empty and your bed not slept in.”

“It’s not like I ran away,” Aaron said. “You guys worry too much.”

Jonas gave Ashley a hard look.

“Can you let me in my room?” Aaron asked again. “I have to get ready.”

“Come on,” Jonas said, relenting. “I know you were up to no good, but I can’t prove it, so I’ll let it go this time.”

“Thanks,” Aaron said. “Bye, Ashley.”

“Bye,” Ashley said. When the door was safely closed, he laughed.

When Jonas returned to ask for the helmets and Aaron’s jacket, Ashley handed them over with a straight face.

It struck Ashley as almost flattering that Jonas had come to his room to track down Aaron. They were friends, and it was known.

That very afternoon, the afternoon after Aaron’s bad show, Aaron was onstage during sound check. Ashley was onstage, too, but staying out of the way. Aaron, singing “Do You Remember,” danced in Ashley’s direction. When he got to “first steps on the moon,” he rolled his hips, and Ashley laughed, loving it.

Out of nowhere, out of fucking nowhere, Nick fucking Carter ran in and grabbed Aaron, throwing him over one shoulder. “This is a kidnapping! Nobody move!”

Aaron, laughing like crazy, squirmed in a vain attempt to get free. “You jerk! This is sound check! Let me do my job!”

“I’m all about you, I’m all about us, oh baby you never have to question my love-”

“Let me down! Put me down!” Aaron ordered, hitting Nick’s back.

“Okay, okay, Mr. Prima Donna, whatever you want,” Nick said, and dropped Aaron onto his ass.

Aaron sprung up and pushed Nick in the chest. “You jerk! What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my little brother,” Nick said. “Can’t be you, though. You’re way too old. You’re so freaking tall! What the hell have you been doing? When did you get this big?”

“You just saw me a couple of months ago,” Aaron said.

“God, you’re huge. Come here.”

Aaron hugged him, and Nick squeezed back tightly, then swung Aaron in a circle before letting go. “What are you really doing here?” Aaron asked.

“I told you, I came to see you. I’ve been telling you I was coming.”

“I know, but… Mom told you about last night?”

“Yeah. How are you doing?”

“Okay. I’m good with it. I talked to Ashley.”

“Yeah?” Nick’s eyes darted past Aaron and settled on Ashley for the first time. “That’s good. Okay, you finish up with your big important pop star work, and I’ll see you in a minute.”

“Get out of here,” Aaron said, pushing him.

Nick shoved Aaron back, then walked over to Ashley.

Ashley’s brain was a whirl of confusion and desire. Nick was inhumanly gorgeous. But why had he ever thought that Aaron and Nick looked alike? They looked entirely different.

“Can I talk to you?” Nick asked. It wasn’t really a question.

“Yeah,” Ashley said. He glanced at Aaron’s back and followed Nick.

They went to Aaron’s dressing room. Ashley couldn’t help but glance at the bowl of water on the table.

They didn’t sit.

“Aaron really likes you,” Nick said. “That’s great. I want him to have friends. You’re a great guy, I know that.”

He sounded sincere, which made this harder, because Ashley knew what was coming, and it made it hurt more, knowing that Nick meant it.

Nick’s eyes shifted to the side, then back to Ashley. It reminded him of Aaron. “Maybe you should spend a little less time with him.”

Ashley nodded. Nick’s gaze measured him. That reminded Ashley of Aaron, too. Funny, how now they were Aaron’s mannerisms on Nick, instead of the other way around. No, not funny at all. Painful. “I should spend more time with the guys, working, anyway. And the tour’s almost over.”

Nick’s turn to nod.

“How did you know?” Ashley asked. “I barely know.” He still wasn’t sure he did. All he knew was, he was walking towards something dangerous, and Nick had seen that. Did Aaron see it? Would Nick talk to Aaron?

“Things he said,” Nick said. “I talked to him, to see what was going on.”

“I didn’t… It just happened.”

“I know.”

Ashley left. He stayed with the guys until it was showtime. After the show, he went back with them instead of staying to watch Aaron.

For the next few days, it was easy to avoid Aaron. Nick was getting all of Aaron’s time and attention, anyway. The quick glimpses Ashley got reinforced what he’d already known, that they were very in tune with each other and very physically affectionate.

At one time, he’d wanted to be on the receiving end of all of that affection from Nick, wanted to know what it was like to connect with Nick that closely, wanted to know what it was like to have Nick look at him like that.

Now, he wanted to be the one whose love Aaron took for granted yet returned without reserve.

“We’re seeing a lot of you lately,” Jacob said.

“You always see a lot of me,” Ashley said.

“No, we always see a lot of your back as you run after Danny,” Erik said.

“His name is Aaron,” Ashley said.

“Oh, Aaron,” Trevor murmured, shaking his head.

“No, it’s more like, oh, Aaron! Oh, Aaron! Oh, Aaron!” Erik cried, sounding like he was in the throes of ecstasy.

“That isn’t funny,” Ashley said.

“Right,” Erik said. “Come on, Ash, we all know you’re shagging the talent.”

“What?” Ashley asked, straightening his spine, sure he’d heard wrong.

“Banging the boy?” Erik suggested.

“Fucking Aaron,” Jacob said flatly.

“That’s not funny.” Dan said it this time.

“No, I think it’s fucking hilarious,” Ashley said. “Is that what you guys think? That I’m - - fuck you.”

“Ash-”

“Fuck you!” He stormed out and went to his room, slamming the door. Fuck them. Jacob was a judgmental hypocritical prick, and Erik was a fucking asshole. They didn’t know him and they didn’t know Aaron. They hadn’t even tried to get to know Aaron.

Ashley sat on the foot of his bed.

He hadn’t tried to get to know Aaron, either. He’d tried to get to know Nick’s little brother so he could work his way closer to Nick. But he hadn’t gotten away with it. He’d ended up getting to know Aaron anyway, whether he’d wanted to or not. Aaron had drawn him in, sucked him in, and now he wanted to drink Aaron in, soak Aaron up, imprint Aaron on his brain, his fingertips.

Dan knocked on his door a few minutes later, and Trevor did the same a few minutes after that, but Ashley didn’t want to talk to them.

He wanted to talk to Aaron.

Aaron was the one person he couldn’t talk to.

He managed to avoid Aaron very well for days. Then they ran into each other in the hallway.

“Hey,” Aaron said.

“Hey,” Ashley said. Something was different, and he couldn’t figure it out, and Aaron was coming closer, and he knew he had to escape, but then Aaron was close enough for him to figure out what was wrong. “Your eyelashes are blond.”

“What? Oh, yeah. Photo shoot. It’ll wash out if I scrub hard enough. Do you want to come to my room? Nick brought some new games.”

“Is he still here?”

“No, he left this morning.”

Well, shit. Of course, Nick would be keeping tabs on Aaron anyway, but without Nick’s presence, it would be so easy to - - “Don’t you have homework?”

“I always have homework,” Aaron said. “Come on.”

“No, I have a group meeting,” Ashley said. Fucking key card wouldn’t work.

“Okay,” Aaron said. “I’ll see you later?”

“Uh, yeah,” Ashley said.

“Okay.”

Ashley made the mistake of glancing at Aaron again. Fuck. Aaron knew he was lying. Aaron knew he was running. Fuck. Ashley’s resolve crumbled to dust. “Which games did you get?”

“An NBA one, an NHL one, and Portal Ghost H60. It’s impossible to figure out.”

“I’ll play if you do me a favor and wash your eyelashes.”

Aaron laughed. “Okay.”

Ashley tried to figure out how to get through the first level of Portal Ghost H60 while Aaron was in the shower. Aaron came out of the bathroom in shorts and a T-shirt, hair damp, sitting beside him, too close. “Better?” Aaron asked.

It wasn’t right to be aroused, but Ashley was. Aaron’s eyelashes were dark again, and he smelled like soap. “Yeah.”

“How’s the game?”

“Impossible,” Ashley said, and tried to steer his attention back in that direction. It would help if he remembered which game he’d been playing. Oh, right. “I can’t get out of this one room.”

“I know, that’s where I keep getting stuck, too,” Aaron said, looking at the screen where Ashley was paused. “I think there has to be a secret door or something.”

“Why don’t you have friends your own age?” Ashley asked.

Aaron ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I guess I prefer people who are a little bit older.”

“What were you like? When you were younger?”

Aaron laughed. “I went through a real bratty phase. I know, can you believe it? I don’t think kids that young should have that much attention, maybe. I don’t know, it’s like now I don’t relate to people my age that well, or something. Or they don’t relate to me.”

“I think that’s it,” Ashley said.

“What, it’s not me, it’s them?”

“I think so,” Ashley said.

Aaron smiled.

“You don’t mind?” Ashley asked.

“I do,” Aaron said. “I mean, I get lonely sometimes. I wish I had more friends, real friends. My own age or any age, I guess. But people older than me think I’m a kid, and people my age don’t get me, so I’m sort of stuck being lonely. But I’m busy, so I don’t have a lot of time for friends, anyway. It all kind of sucks.”

Aaron’s mouth looked so fucking soft, Ashley wanted to…

“You’re kind of staring,” Aaron said. “Did Nick say something to you?”

“What?”

“When he showed up, he went off and talked to you, and I haven’t seen you since then. Did he say something stupid?”

“He didn’t…talk to you?” Ashley asked.

“About what?” Aaron asked.

Ashley was getting way too hard at the worst time possible, but Aaron was sitting so fucking close, and he just wanted to, wanted to-

“Fuck!”

What?! Aaron was up and across the room, and Ashley wondered with panic whether Aaron had read his mind. He hadn’t moved, had he? Hadn’t actually reached for Aaron the way his dick had been begging him to.

“He told you,” Aaron said. “He told you. That’s why you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I thought you didn’t curse,” Ashley said.

“What did he say to you?” Aaron asked.

“We don’t have the most appropriate relationship,” Ashley said. “I’m too old to... Nick’s looking out for you.”

“Nick should mind his own business!”

“He’s right.”

“That isn’t all he said! I know he said something else. What did he tell you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I want to know.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Then you can tell me.”

“I’m gay,” Ashley said. “I’m gay, and you’re young, and Nick doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to get too close. I think he’s right.”

“I know you’re gay,” Aaron said. “I know about Dan and Jacob, too.”

“What?”

“I thought you were bi, but close enough.”

“You knew?”

“Okay, I’m lying, I didn’t know, but I didn’t want you to think I was stupid. You’re gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Does Nick know?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Aaron sat on the foot of the bed, drawing up his legs. “He talked to me, too. He told me to stay away from you.”

“Now you know why.”

“I’m gay, too,” Aaron said. “That’s why I haven’t kissed any girls. Haven’t kissed any guys, either. I kind of like you, and Nick figured it out. He doesn’t want me getting hurt.”

“He’s right,” Ashley said over the pounding of his heart. “You should stay away from me. I should stay away from you.”

“Angel was telling me how hot you were, and I was like, yeah, whatever, and then the tour started and I was in the hallway and you were wrestling with Erik, remember? I saw you and I was like, I don’t know, you looked so good… I thought maybe if I talked to you, you’d… I wasn’t trying to start anything, you were straight and didn’t like me anyway, but I just wanted to talk to you.”

“I didn’t like you because I didn’t know you then,” Ashley said. “Aaron, are you really gay?”

“Yeah. You’re the first person I told outside of my family. I didn’t even tell them, I just told Nick, and he told them for me. I think Jonas knows, but Jonas knows everything anyway.”

“I should go,” Ashley said, rising.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, eyes lowered.

“The tour’s getting close to the end.”

“Yeah.”

Ashley put his hand on the doorknob.

Aaron rested his forehead on his knees.

Ashley wanted to go to him.

“I never touched you,” Aaron said. “I want you to remember that. I didn’t try anything. I just wanted to be your friend.”

“I know,” Ashley said.

“Why can’t we be friends?” Aaron asked, raising his head. “Why can’t we… I won’t do anything.”

“It can be hard to resist…temptation.”

“You’re not that hot,” Aaron said. He groaned, dropping his head again. “Yes, you are.”

Ashley smiled despite himself.

“I hate this,” Aaron said.

“I’m going to miss you,” Ashley said.

Aaron didn’t say anything.

Ashley left quietly.

He’d been a coward. He hadn’t told Aaron how he’d felt. Aaron thought that it was one-sided.

But how would it have helped Aaron to know how he felt? They couldn’t be together anyway.

Ashley and Aaron didn’t exchange one more word for the remainder of the tour.

MatthewHaldemanTime.com