Copyright August 11-17, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise 98 Degrees and the Backstreet Boys are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.  (The above disclaimer applies to *NSYNC and Five as well.)

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers.

Notice: Nick Lachey is Nick, and Nick Carter is Nick Carter, unless Nick Carter is the only Nick in the scene, at which point he's just Nick.

        The thing was, 98 Degrees was different from the other two groups.  For one thing, they had a more R&B style; they didn't consider themselves to be a "boy band."

        Also, the other two bands obviously were a group effort.  Even though two or three members sang lead more often, everyone knew that there were five of them.  For 98 Degrees, the public tended to see Nick Lachey and the Pips.  Nick was the front man.  It was sort of hard for the rest of them, especially since the entire group was Jeff's idea.  But Drew loved his older brother and he wouldn't change Nick for the world.

        Nick came up behind him, snatched off his cap, and ruffled his hair.

        Okay, maybe he'd change one thing.  He grabbed back his cap and returned it to its proper place.  "Don't mess with my hair, man."

        "Drew, nobody can see your hair, man," Nick teased, sitting beside him.

        Jeff walked into the room.  "Hey, Drew.  Hey, Nick."  They said hey back, and Jeff draped his jacket over the sofa arm to Drew's right, giving a miniature stretch.  Drew's eyes cut left and caught Nick's blue-eyed gaze skimming Jeff's physique.  "Drew, you have a good time at Nick's last night?" Jeff asked.

        Drew remembered that he wasn't the only Lachey brother who liked boys with pretty voices.  Well, Jeff was a man, older than Nick - - like by six months, but still.  And Nick Carter was only 20, and had just gotten dumped by Brian, and Drew had no business, absolutely no business-

        "Did I forget to ask that question out loud?" Jeff asked.

        "Oh, no, sorry - - yeah, it was great, Nick's great, Justin and JC are a lot of fun."

        "You're turning red," Nick said.  "You're blushing.  What's going on?"

        "If you don't confess, we'll have to torture you," Jeff said.

        "Do you believe in one love per lifetime?"

        "What?" Nick asked.

        Jeff sat on the floor.  "You mean one person for one person and that's it?  No, I don't think so.  What if something happens and your one true love dies when you're twenty-five?  Then you spend the next sixty years alone.  That's no good.  And I know if you're in love with someone maybe that love should last you for the next sixty years, even if you're separated by death, but it's not realistic and it's not fair."

        "So if you love somebody but that person doesn't love you, maybe you could be with someone else," Drew said.

        "Ideally, it's all reciprocated," Jeff said.

        "Doesn't always work that way," Nick said, and Drew wondered whether he'd just heard Nick sound...bitter.

        "Of course not," Jeff said.  "I mean, what should happen is that everyone can have a grand romance for sixty years.  But things happen."

        "So if somebody-"

        "What's this 'somebody'?" Nick asked Drew.  "What's with the questions?"

        "Never mind," Drew said.

        "You turn red and you ask about love and we're supposed to never mind?  Don't you never mind me, young man, you talk to me."

        "Or what?"

        He ended up on his back on the floor beside Jeff under one hundred eighty pounds of big brother.  "Or I will whip your butt.  Tell me."

        "Never."

        "We'll guess," Nick said.

        "No guessing," he said.

        "Let me guess first," Jeff said, lounging back on his hands.  Drew watched Nick's eyes start ogling again.  "You're worried that Britney Spears has a crush on you."

        "Britney has a crush on the son of the Prince of Wales," Drew said.  "Do I seem blonde and English to you?"

        "Plus the teeth," Nick said.

        "Hey if you were English you could be in Five," Jeff said.

        "And leave all this?" Drew asked.

        "Your turn to guess," Jeff told Nick.

        "You're in love with the son of the Prince of Wales," Nick guessed.

        "Would you get off of me?" Drew demanded.

        "My turn," Jeff said.  "You've fallen in love with Jessica and you're afraid to tell Nick."

        "Give me a break.  Get off of me you overgrown tenor!"

        "What's wrong with being a tenor?" Nick asked.

        "Don't make me help him beat you," Jeff warned Drew.  "We tenors are a very proud people."

        "My turn to guess," Nick said.  "Let's see...blondes...overgrown tenors...I'm picking up some clues here.  The blushing when asked about last night...  Hmm..."

        Drew put on his best glare.

        "Does this have anything to do with Nick Carter?" Nick asked.

        "Who?" Drew asked.

        Nick moved away, letting him up, and all three were sitting in a small circle on the floor.  "You like him?"

        "Am I totally obvious or just pathetic?" Drew asked.

        "We know you pretty well," Jeff said.  "You want to talk about it?"

        "Come on, guys don't sit around discussing their feelings."

        "You're worried about Brian?" Jeff asked.

        Drew got up and sat on the sofa.

        "You were asking questions, it only made sense," Jeff said.  "We're not going to run and tell everybody."

        "The National Enquirer, maybe," Nick said.

        "Dateline NBC," Jeff added, shrugging.  "No big deal."

        "Come on, Drew," Nick said.  "Nick and Brian are over, finished.  Nick knows it.  Why do you think he invited us over last night?"

        "He likes you," Jeff said.

        Drew reminded himself that he was a twenty-four-year-old man and not an eleven-year-old girl.  "Really?"

        "I think so," Nick said.

        "Definitely," Jeff said.

        "When we're all in Kendig for the Planet Earth VTV Music Awards next week, maybe you guys could get together," Nick said.  "Spend some time hanging out or something."

        "Get to know each other better," Jeff said.

        "In the totally platonic friend sense," Nick added.

        "Right," Jeff said.

        "No sex before marriage," Nick said.

        "No kissing before marriage."

        "No holding hands before marriage."

        "When you're engaged, you may gaze deeply into each other's eyes."

        "But that's it," Nick said firmly.

        Drew tossed a throw pillow at Nick, who hit Jeff with it.

        "I'm on your side!" Jeff told Nick before grabbing the pillow and whapping him with it.  "You don't beat up the people on your team!"

        "Then stop hitting me!"

        "You hit me first!"  Whap.

        "You're supposed to be mature and not hit me back!"

        "Why do I have to be the mature one?"  Whap whap.

        "You're - - stop it!"  Nick grabbed the pillow and bonked it over Jeff's head.  "Bad" whap "bad" whap "bad!" whap.

        "Hey you little-"

        "Little!  I'm bigger than you are!"

        "By two inches!"

        "And twenty pounds."

        "Of what, ego?" Jeff asked, grinning, getting to his feet and escaping.

        "Muscle!" Nick shouted, getting up and jumping over the sofa.

        "Where?" Jeff asked, ducking away and crouching behind the sofa arm at Drew's right.

        "Right here," Nick said, pouncing on the sofa to Drew's left, waiting for Jeff to move.

        "I don't see any," Jeff said, feinting right.

        "Could you not do this here?" Drew asked.  "One of you is going to squish me."

        "We won't squish you," Nick said, feinting left.

        "Says the guy who threw me off of the sofa five minutes ago," Drew said.

        "Just can't trust some people," Jeff said.

        "Me?" Nick asked, hurt.

        "There's the ego - - did I say I was talking about you?  You just assume everything has to do with you," Jeff said.

        "Drew, help me out here," Nick said.

        "Why?" Drew asked.

        "Because you're my little brother and you're supposed to support me," Nick said.

        "But you threw me off the sofa and Jeff let me in his band," Drew said.  "I like him better."

        "Where's your family loyalty?"

        Jeff in a graceful move stepped up onto the arm of the sofa and jumped over Drew, landing on Nick, knocking the two of them off of the sofa.  As Jeff and Nick rolled across the floor with the momentum, Drew made his escape.

        Three days later, Drew walked into a hotel room in Kendig.  They'd stayed in some very nice places, and this was one of the nicest of the nice.  It was a little too much, actually.  All he needed was a bed, a bathroom, and a snack bar.  He didn't need a hot tub and a marble sink and plush carpeting and wow holy cow this was one soft bed.  One big soft bed.  They could all sleep here.

        Hunh.  Nick might like that.  Provided that little brother Drew went MIA.

        "What's with the smirk?" Nick asked, coming into the room.

        "Nice place," Drew said, recovering quickly.  It was a good alternative to saying, "I was just thinking about how much you want to get naked with Jeff."

        "Really," Nick agreed.  "We can use the VIP weight room downstairs."

        "Cool," he said.  "I could use that.  Especially if we're going to be here for awhile."

        "We still need to talk about what we're going to do."

        "Do about what?  Oh, right, sorry, yeah.  I don't know.  We can't sing without Justin; it'll mess up the whole harmony."

        "Jeff was thinking we could rewrite your part so you could cover for it."

        "I'm supposed to play myself and Justin?  No, sure, I'll try."

        "Great.  Come on.  We'd better get started."

        Okay.  Here they were on a week of mini-vacation.  Justin was gone, he was supposed to be trying to see Nick Carter, and that would leave Nick and Jeff alone a lot.  Alone together, maybe.  With any luck.  Drew smiled.  Maybe if he just gave Nick a little shove...

        Hey, if Nick and Jeff were going to be messing with his love life, he could return the favor like any good little brother and band member should.

        Little.  Yeah.  Little like 5'6".  Five feet six inches.  As in: short.  Short short short short short.  People always thought that they were bigger.  On camera, Nick looked large and hulking like David Boreanaz.  But in person, Nick was 5'10".  Musclebound, broad-shouldered, sure and yes, but not all that tall.  But that was okay, because Nick was 5'10" and Jeff was 5'8" so they could be nicely sized for each other.  But little Drew, poor little Drew, was 5'6".  Short.  And Nick Carter?  Nick Carter was tall.  Nick Carter was 6'2".  Six feet two inches.  That was eight inches, eight whole huge long inches, taller than Drew.

        Of course, Brian wasn't exactly seven feet tall either, so maybe Nick Carter didn't mind short guys.  Of course, also of course, Brian was very cute and Nick Carter's best friend and lots of fun while Drew, Drew just had eight inches too short and didn't even sing lead.

        That was what he got for being a baritone.  The tenors always got to sing lead.  Everybody liked tenors.  And the first tenors always got the little flourishes and high harmonies and that pretty stuff - - Jeff, Chris Kirkpatrick, Howie D.  Guys like him and Justin and Lance Bass and Joey Fatone and Kevin Richardson just had to hang out and sing the low harmony and watch the girls trip all over themselves trying to get to the leads.  And he wasn't even the bass; he was like Joey Fatone, stuck in the middle and ignored.

        Not that he needed girls falling for him.  He just needed one tall broad-shouldered blue-eyed blonde.

        But that blonde had already fallen, for that pixie boy Brian Thomas Littrell.  Who ran off and went straight and left Nick Carter hurt and broken.

        And Brian was cute and fun and Nick Carter's best friend and had that pretty Southern accent and-

        "Hey."

        Woah.  "Hey."  He was not blushing.  He was a grown man.  Grown men did not blush.

        "Hey, Nick."

        "Hey, Nick."

        He sighed.  That was sort of annoying.

        "You just got here?" Nick Carter asked.

        "Two seconds ago, and he's already dragging me off to do work," Drew said.  "We're supposed to perform but Justin's not here.  We could cancel."

        "Yeah, when we had to be at the World Music Awards in '98 we had to back out of performing because of Brian," Nick Carter said.  "So we just sang at the podium."

        "We might not ever get to the podium," Nick said.

        "I hope you don't," Nick Carter said with a grin.  "You guys have work to do, I'll see you later.  Come by my room sometime, 621.  Later."

        "Later," Drew said, watching Nick Carter go.

        Nick chuckled.  "Somebody likes you."

        Drew shoved Nick against the wall and knocked on Jeff's door.  "You're evil and I'm telling Mom."

        They did want to perform, so the three of them sat around Jeff's room and ordered room service and talked over the phone with Justin for hours three different times and finally sorted out what they wanted to do.  Then they had to practice it so that Drew would remember his part.  At two a.m. when Drew and Jeff were just finishing up another run-through, Drew gave Jeff a little poke on the shoulder.  Jeff glanced over to the bed.  Nick was lying back on Jeff's bed, head on pillow, hand on stomach, asleep.

        "Wimp," Jeff said.  "What kind of rock star does he think that he's going to be if he falls asleep at two?  We're supposed to be out getting stoned until at least five."

        "If it's up to me to keep our reputation up, it's not going to happen," Drew said.  "I'm going to bed, too.  You want me to get him out of here?"

        "Nah, let him sleep.  As long as he doesn't snore."

        "I'll be back bright and early," Drew promised.  So that was all it took for Nick to get into Jeff's bed.  And he was sure, on every level, that Nick hadn't even done it on purpose.  Amazing.

        He stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind himself with a soft snick, and turned to go to his room - - and stopped short, frozen, hand poised just leaving Jeff's doorknob.

        There, in the soft shadows from the dimly lit nighttime hallway, were Nick Carter and Brian.

        "You don't know what you're doing," Brian said softly.  "You don't know what you're saying."

        "I'm saying you want to live your life and I want to live mine," Nick said, just as softly.  "And you made your decision, you left me, and I get that, I get that, I'm moving on, you need to let it go too."

        "You don't love him."

        "I'm going to."

        "You don't know that."

        "I do know that.  I'm falling in love with him."

        "You're making a mistake.  You're the one who's always going on about how we have to make sacrifices, we have to give up things for this life - - that's one of the things you have to give up," Brian told Nick.  "You can't be with him, you can't be with any guy-"

        "I can't be with you," Nick said, "and that was your decision.  Sacrifices, yeah, I mean things like not going to school and not seeing your family and missing out on sleep.  I don't mean things like hey I can never have a boyfriend and I can't fall in love and I have to deny everything about myself just so we can sell a few more albums.  I'm gay, Brian, or I'm bi anyway, and maybe I don't have to tell all of our fans but if I want to fall in love with Drew then I'm going to fall in love with Drew and you are not going to stop me."

        "You don't know how he feels.  Maybe he doesn't want to jeopardize his career."

        "I'm not jeopardizing anybody's career.  Not ours and not theirs.  I wouldn't do that.  I love you and you know I love you but I'm not in love with you, not anymore, I can't be.  You're my best friend and my brother and I won't do anything to hurt you or your career.  I want to be in the Backstreet Boys for years to come.  But I'm not going to pretend to myself or to you that I don't want to be with him."

        "Okay.  Okay.  Just be careful.  And if he does want to be with you...you might want to try out that thing with your tongue-"  Brian ducked and Nick gave chase and they disappeared around the corner.

        Drew turned and breathed and knocked quickly on Jeff's door.

        Jeff opened the door a moment later.  "What's wrong?"  He was wearing only jeans and had a toothbrush in one hand and a little smear of Colgate on his lower lip.

        Drew moved into the room quickly and locked the door and took a quick pace.  Then he sat on Nick.  "Wake up."

        Nick's eyes opened in the disorientation that comes from having slept too deeply in too brief a time.  "What?"

        Drew stood and paced again.  Jeff licked off the toothpaste and stuck his toothbrush back in the bathroom.

        "What?" Nick asked again, sitting up, rubbing his hand over one eye.  "What'd I miss?"  Then he saw Jeff coming out of the bathroom.  Drew watched Nick stare.

        "Drew left and came back like two minutes later," Jeff said.  "Drew, would you just stop moving please?"  Nick was still staring.

        "Nick Carter was in the hallway."

        "You saw Nick?" Nick asked.  Which reassured Drew that Nick's brain still functioned somewhat.  Not that he could blame Nick, really.  After all, Jeff was half-naked, and it was, to say the least, a sight worth seeing.

        "With Brian."

        "Oh not good," Nick said.

        "Doing...what?" Jeff asked hesitantly.

        "Talking," Drew said.

        "About what?" Nick asked.

        "Me."

        "Really?" Nick asked.  "What'd they say?"

        "Brian wants Nick to stay in the closet.  And Nick doesn't want to stay in the closet."

        "He wants to hit on you," Nick guessed.

        "He said he's falling in love with me."  Drew sat where he stood, on the floor, and hunched his shoulders, putting his hands on the back of his head.  The back of his baseball cap, really.  Or since it was on backwards, the front was really the back, or - - oh forget it.

        "Nick Carter is falling in love with you?" Jeff asked.

        "Wow," Nick said.  "That's amazing.  Someone's in love with my little brother.  It's about time."

        "They don't know I was there, I was eavesdropping on their totally private conversation."

        "Were they fighting?" Jeff asked.

        "Just talking.  Disagreeing.  Not...they weren't getting mad.  I think they're going to be okay.  As friends now."

        "That's great," Jeff said.

        "Love," Nick said.  "Did he mean like real forever soul love or hey you're pretty neat let's have some sex love?  Because if he means the second, you are staying far away from him.  We don't do that stuff."

        "I know," Drew said.

        Nick slid down from the bed and sat beside him, put an arm around his waist.  "This is a good thing, Drew.  You really like him and he really likes you."

        "I thought he'd just...I never thought anything would happen.  What if...what am I supposed to do?  I mean, something could actually happen.  I've never actually...I haven't even flirted with a guy, much less...kissed one.  And Nick's...he's done stuff.  I don't think that he and Brian stopped at holding hands.  I think they pretty much...you know...were all that they could be."

        "That just means that when you do get married and you can kiss him, that he'll know how," Nick said.  "That's good."

        "Right.  No sex before marriage.  No kissing  before marriage."

        "You'll be fine."  Nick's arm squeezed.  "You okay?"

        "I'm going to bed."

        "That's right, everybody out, some of us need our beauty rest," Jeff said, holding down a hand and pulling them to their feet.

        Drew couldn't believe it.  Here Nick and Jeff were, Jeff half-naked, Jeff taking Nick's hand and pulling Nick up and close, and there was no dramatic pause, no sexual tension whatsoever, just a casual friend helping a friend and then they kept moving like nothing at all had happened.  No sexual tension.  No mutual sparks.  Just casual guy stuff.

        Then he caught Nick's eyes running all over Jeff when Jeff went to unlock the door, and he grinned.  Nick was gorgeous, sure, but Jeff had a body and a half, ooh, and Nick was ready to ogle every last inch.

        Jeff opened the door.  "Gentlemen, good evening to you."

        "See you in the morning," Drew said.  "Come on, Nick, you need to put yourself to bed."  Someday very very soon he was going to tell Nick that he knew all about Nick's little personal fanclub of one for Jeff Timmons, but he decided to wait.  He was enjoying this part of it too much.

        In the morning he looked in the mirror and frowned.

        "Drew Lachey, you look twelve years old, boy."

        He took off the cap and tucked in his shirt.

        He snorted.  "Fourteen."

        He put the cap back on and pocketed his room key.  Talking to himself would not make him seem any more mature.  Prematurely senile, though, maybe.

        He went to Jeff's room.  They ordered food and worked on his temporary part.  Nick joined them, and after lunch they went down to the weight room.  There were two rooms, one that had to be booked specially and one that was for the special guests to use freely.  They qualified as special guests and weren't such prima donnas that they needed to book the private room.  Kevin Richardson and Chris Kirkpatrick were down there, as were a few people they didn't recognize.  They changed in the locker room and did some stretching before hitting the machines.  In sneakers and socks with baggy gym shorts and a T-shirt, sans hat, Drew knew that he could pass for any guy on the street.

        When he'd first come out, Nick had wanted to be supportive, so they'd rented some movies about gay men.  Every time he was in a weight room he remembered the scene in Jeffrey where the one guy was benchpressing and the other guy was spotting and the guy spent the whole time staring up into the other guy's crotch.

        He never bothered to do that, himself, since these days the only people spotting for him were Nick and Jeff and Justin.  He was sure that Nick thought about it, and he was pretty sure that that was why lately Nick asked him or Justin to do the spotting instead of Jeff.

        While Jeff was doing reps on the abs machine, he spotted for Nick at the bench.  He was humming his new hybrid part and counting and encouraging and making sure Nick didn't strain anything when all of a sudden Nick Carter walked into the room.

        "Holy shit you lift all that?" Nick Carter asked.

        "No, they're hollow, it's just for show," Drew said.  Nick glanced up at him and he could hear Nick thinking, "Drew, your new boyfriend swears," and he looked down at Nick and thought, in response, "Who doesn't?  And he's not my boyfriend."

        "How much do you press?" Nick Carter asked him.

        He shrugged.  "Seven sixty, give or take."

        "I'm going to guess take," Nick Carter said.  "You busy later?"

        "Why?"

        "Brian and Kevin are off somewhere and AJ and Howie are busy so I'm all alone for dinner.  We could eat together, the two of us, the four of us."

        "That'd be cool," Drew said.  "Sure."

        "If you don't want to go out and get mobbed we could eat in the dining room here."

        "Sure.  We'll - - six thirty okay?"

        "Yeah.  I gotta see Kevin - - see you guys later."

        Drew watched Nick Carter walk over to Kevin.  Then he remembered that he was supposed to be spotting Nick.  He helped Nick finish, then they hung the bar and Nick slid down, sat up, flexed.  Nick stood and faced him, said quietly, "You did hear him say 'the two of us.'"

        "I heard."

        "Jeff and I can back out if you want."

        "Your mother raised you better than that."

        "We-"

        "Don't even think about it.  Do not leave me alone with him."

        "You want to be alone with him."

        "That's why you can't let me.  You want to help me here?"

        "Sure."

        They set up the proper weights and Drew laid down, wrapping his hands around the bar, breathing deeply.  He lifted the bar and then Nick whispered, "He's watching," and he almost dropped it on his face.

        "Don't do that!"

        "Sorry," Nick said.

        "You don't sound sorry," he said.

        "He's still watching."

        Drew closed his eyes and kept going.  "Don't tell me that."

        "I don't think you should see him tonight after all.  Maybe you shouldn't see him again ever."

        "Why?"

        "I think he's trying to picture you naked."

        "You're fired.  Get Jeff over here."

        "He's busy."

        "Doing what?"  There was something weird about Nick's voice.

        Pause.  "Talking to Jennifer Anne."

        Drew's eyes shot open suddenly.  "The model?"

        "I think she's a supermodel."

        He finished his reps and sat up and Jeff was still talking with the supermodel.  Jennifer Anne was beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed, slender, curvy - - she was beautiful in a wholesome way, not anorexic or drugged.  She was dressed in aerobic workout slinky clothes and was standing with Jeff by the triceps machine talking.  She was prettier than Nick's former girlfriend Jessica Simpson, Drew's most recent form of comparison.

        "Let's go say hi," Drew suggested.

        "Trying to make your other long-legged blue-eyed blonde jealous?" Nick asked.

        "No, I'm trying to find out what has Jeff so captivated that he's been talking to her all of this time."

        "You have to ask?" Nick asked.  "You're gay, not blind."

        "You don't want to meet her?"

        "I think I'm going back to my room."

        "Already?"

        "Yeah."

        Drew sighed and followed.

        Drew remembered with a guilty start about two hours later, lounging in Nick's room, that he hadn't told Jeff about dinner.  He sprawled over Nick's bed and dialed Jeff's room.

        "This is Jeff."

        "Hey, it's Drew.  We're having dinner with Nick Carter at six thirty down in the dining room."

        "Oh."

        "What's that mean?"

        Nick looked at him very slowly from the armchair.  He swallowed and looked away, feeling bad about this already.

        "I sort of...  Jennifer Anne and I were going to eat in the dining room.  But we could all eat together.  I'm sure she won't mind."

        "No, that's okay.  Seriously.  You two go ahead."

        "Drew-"

        "We won't miss you, believe me."

        "That's insulting."

        "You have a nice time with your beautiful English supermodel."

        "You're sure?  It's no problem for us all-"

        "I'm hanging up on you now."  He hung up the phone.

        "He's eating with her?" Nick asked.

        "Yeah."

        "How tall do you think she is?"

        "Taller than I am."

        "You think she's taller than he is?"

        "Probably.  Supermodels are pretty tall.  That tall slender thing works so they can hang the clothes just right.  Which is why I'm not a supermodel."

        "You could be."

        "For the juniors department."

        Nick wisely let it go.  "I'll stay here."

        "You're not staying here."

        "I don't want to play third wheel."

        "You're not a third wheel.  It's not a date.  It's just some guys with common interests eating a meal together in a public place."

        "A guy who likes you asks you out to dinner and it's not a date?"

        "It's not a date."

        "I don't feel like going."

        Because Jeff and Jennifer Anne would be there, eating together, in the same room, and maybe they were on a date.  "If you don't come, it'll look like you're staying away on purpose, like you're trying to set me up, like - - Nick invited all three of us.  If only I show up, it'll look planned, like we're trying to turn it into a date when it's not, and that'll make me feel really awkward.  You're coming with me."

        "I don't have anything to wear.  I don't want to eat.  I'll throw up on you.  I'm too shy to eat in public.  I'm allergic to hotel dining rooms.  I-"

        "You're being ridiculous.  You're coming with me.  Now come on," he said, rising.

        "Where?"

        "Come on," he said, dragging Nick towards the door.

        "Where?"

        He knocked on Jeff's door.

        "Hey," Jeff said to them, opening the door.  "What's up?"

        "What are you wearing for your date?" Drew asked, walking right into the room.  "She wears good clothes for a living; you can't show up looking badly put together."

        "It's not a date," Jeff said.

        "First sign," Drew said, "that it's a date, is when someone starts protesting the idea that it's a date."

        "It's not a date," Jeff insisted.  "We met, she was very nice, she had to go, she asked if we could meet later, and we're going to have dinner tonight."

        "Eating dinner with a beautiful woman - - sounds like a date to me," Drew said.

        "So you eating with Nick isn't a date, but Jeff eating with Jennifer is a date," Nick said.

        "Drew and Nick are dating," Jeff said.  "They're interested in each other.  Jennifer and I are just meeting for food."

        "You're not interested?" Nick asked.

        "In the beautiful blonde woman?" Drew asked. He was trying very hard not to think about "Drew and Nick are dating."

        "No, I'm not," Jeff said.

        Drew put his hand to Jeff's forehead.  "You feeling okay?"

        "Do you fall in love with every good-looking guy you see?" Jeff asked.  "You know I'm not so shallow that I'll start dating somebody just because she happens to be very attractive."

        "Did you know that Nick was one of the Most Beautiful People in the World for 2000?"

        "They picked him over me?" Jeff asked.  "That's a slap in the face."

        "It's height discrimination," Drew said.  "You know they should've had me up there on the cover."

        "Who was on the cover?" Nick asked.

        "Julia Roberts," Drew said.

        "Yeah, I can't imagine why they picked Julia Roberts over you," Nick said.

        "Let's let Romeo get dressed," Drew said.  "You have a nice evening not dating a supermodel," he told Jeff.

        "And you have a nice evening not dating a pop star," Jeff said.

        "And I'll have a nice evening all by myself in my room," Nick said.  "Not dating anybody."

        "You're coming with me," Drew said.  "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and let's go."

        "I am not feeling sorry for myself."

        He grabbed Nick's nose and yanked Nick down until they were eye-to-eye.  "You are going to get over your hotel dining room allergy and have a nice time eating with friends and family.  Or friend and family member.  Or family member and family member's friend.  If you insist on eating in your room, we'll just come up with you and order room service.  How do you expect to get someone for yourself and stop being a third wheel if you're hiding in your room?"  He let go.

        Nick straightened.  "Ow," he said, rubbing his nose.  "I should've sneezed on you."

        "You're allergic to hotel dining rooms?" Jeff asked.  "Funny how I never noticed."

        "It comes and goes," Nick said.

        "And tonight it's going," Drew said.

        Drew decided, ten minutes later, standing before his closet, that he had nothing to wear.  He'd just have to go naked.  He had absolutely no clothes worth putting on tonight.

        Knock at the door.  He checked the peephole - - Nick.  He pulled open the door.  Well, see, now, why should he bother to show up at all if Nick was going to look this good?  He might as well just stay here.

        "You're not dressed."

        "I'm wearing clothes."

        "The same clothes you've had on all day."

        "So?"

        "So change."

        "I can't."

        "Why not?"

        "I'm allergic to my clothes.  I can't go.  You'll have to go and give Nick my apologies."

        "If you really were allergic to clothes and had to run around naked, I think that he's the last person who'd object.  Wow, that's one severe blush you have going.  Come on, I'll help you find something."  Nick went through Drew's closet while Drew sat on the bed and sighed.  "Here.  Put on this.  Don't fight with me, boy, and don't give me that look."  Nick went into the bathroom.  Drew sighed and started to change.  Nick came out a moment later.  "Here."

        "Really?"

        "It makes you smell good."

        "You think I smell bad?"

        "You are seriously flipping out tonight.  Drew, you've eaten with Nick before, at his place, and you weren't like this."

        "That was before I knew he might maybe consider liking me."

        "I think we're past might maybe considering," Nick said.  "Finish dressing and let's go."

        "You don't think this shirt is too tight?"

        "You don't even have it on yet."

        "But-"

        "Drew, put on the shirt."

        He tugged on his white tank T first.  He liked the shirt, long-sleeved and a perfect shade of light blue, but at some point, maybe he'd bulked up more, he didn't know, but now when he wore it everybody could see his nipples, and that was just really embarrassing.

        He took care of shoes and socks, put on his hat, looked in the mirror. Fourteen, maybe even fifteen.

        "Should've stayed naked," he muttered.

        "What?" Nick asked.

        "I look twelve.  When I'm naked I don't look twelve."

        "Oh we are not even going there."

        He laughed.  "I didn't mean - - oh man."

        "You don't look twelve.  You're twenty-four, I know you're twenty-four, Nick knows you're twenty-four."

        "Let's go.  Don't want to be late."

        They went down to the dining room.  Nick Carter was there already, standing outside of the room, watching through the glass panelled doors.

        "Hey," Nick said.  "What's going on?"

        "Hey," Nick Carter said.  "Wow.  Oh, um, Jeff's in there with that model."

        "Yeah," Drew said.  "Jennifer Anne."

        "Right.  Well, she's sort of..."

        Drew looked into the room.  He spotted Jeff, looking well-dressed and mature as ever, seated at a table in a corner with Jennifer.  Jennifer was not well-dressed, in the sense that her clothes weren't really covering her famous body very well.  And he'd been worried about people seeing his nipples.

        Jeff was saying something, and at first she looked extremely interested, judging from the way her hand slid up his arm.  Then she jerked back and started to look furious.  Jeff kept trying to say something, but she wasn't having any of it.  With great calm, meaning Jeff was seriously upset, Jeff said something, rose, and left the room.  Everyone, everyone, was watching.

        "Jeff.  Jeff," Nick said.  "Hey, man, you okay?"

        "Hey," Jeff said.  "I think that your allergy is contagious."

        "Pointless inside joke," Drew told Nick Carter.

        "You've gotta eat, though, right?" Nick Carter asked Jeff.  "You can eat with us."

        "We don't have to eat in here, though," Drew said.

        "You mind room service?" Nick asked Nick Carter.

        "Live on it," Nick Carter said.  "Whose room?"

        "Drew's is clean," Nick said.

        "Great," Nick Carter said.  "Let's go."

        "Let's go," Drew told Jeff.

        So the four of them went to Drew's room and sat around on the floor and took off their shoes and ordered room service.  Three of them were used to spending a lot of time together, so they could talk with great ease together, and Nick Carter joined in readily.  The scene was very relaxed and friendly.  Drew could almost think of it as it was, a not-a-date, except when his mind flashed back to that "Wow" and his cheeks flushed red.

        They cleaned up and lounged around some more.  Then Jeff said, "You young people stay here and chat.  The old-timer's going to bed."

        "Me too," Nick said, climbing to his feet.  "See you all later."  Good-byes were said, the door closed, and Drew turned around to find himself behind a locked hotel door, alone, with Nick Carter.

        He sat on the sofa, pressing against the armrest at his right side, and insisted to himself that he was not nervous.  He had no reason to be nervous.  Nervousness was inappropriate.

        "I'm going to ask you something stupid.  Don't get mad," Nick said, sitting beside him.

        "Okay," he said, telling himself not to get tense just because Nick was close.

        Nick's fingers came under his chin, turned his face, and suddenly they were in perfect kissing position and Nick was staring at him.  "What color are your eyes?"

        He felt the heat in his cheeks.  "Hazel."

        "They're really pretty."

        "Thanks."

        Nick let go of him.  "You've never been with a guy before, have you?"

        Well, that was blunt.  "No.  It's really that obvious?"

        "No, it's just you guys are really...clean, and it's not just an act for the public."

        "Yeah."

        "I've only...Brian.  You know.  That was it."

        "Do you still..."  That was totally none of his business.  "Sorry."

        "No, it's okay.  I think I miss a lot of things about how it used to be just the five of us, how close we were, how young and innocent we were.  We're still awesome, and I love it, but it's not the same.  But I understand.  I'm sort of starting to see that there are...other things...that are...important."

        Oh dear sweet heaven.

        "Is it okay if I try to seduce you?"

        "You really shouldn't."  His heart was pounding and he was about to embarrass himself.

        Nick shifted entirely, now facing him, legs up on the sofa.  "I really want to," Nick said, and long fingers stroked his jaw from ear to center.  "I've never really gotten to seduce anybody like this before."

        "Have you been with girls?"

        "Yeah.  Before Brian.  They were everywhere and they all wanted me.  You know what that's like."  Nick's fingers were caressing his throat.  "You've never done that, either, have you?"

        "I don't...like girls."

        "Good."

        Good?  Since when was that good?  Oh, this was good, he barely knew to remember to breathe when Nick was this close, with fingers caressing his skin, and those blue eyes on him, all of this attention, Nick wanted him, Nick wanted him.

        "You look like your brother," Nick said.  "I think it's the chin.  Or the mouth."  Nick's thumb passed over his lower lip.

        He was a good singer with good lung capacity but suddenly he couldn't breathe at all.

        "If you don't want to have sex with me tonight we don't have to," Nick said, and the words "have sex with me tonight" started to vibrate in Drew's brain, "but I can hold your hand, can't I?"

        "Sure," he said.  Hand-holding.  That was innocent enough.

        Nick took his right hand, turned it over, stroked the palm, caressed each of his fingers one by one, massaged his palm, turned it over again, and the back of his hand was raised to Nick's lips.  Nick ghosted a kiss over the back of his hand, kissed his knuckles, kissed the backs of his fingers, kissed the tips.  And then his first finger and middle finger were in Nick's mouth.  It was hot and wet, and Nick kissed and licked, and teeth scraped just ever so lightly over the sensitive skin, and he couldn't believe how good this felt, and every suck at his nerve endings echoed in the throbbing of his cock, and he knew what this was pantomiming, and he knew what Nick must have learned with Brian, and he knew what Nick was promising.

        Nick knew how to suck cock.

        Nick wanted to suck his cock.

        His cock very greedily thrust against the fly to his pants, begging for it, eager for it.

        But Nick was only twenty, not old enough to drink, certainly not old enough to...

        He'd never been this turned on in his life.  Maybe because he'd never gotten into a situation like this in his life.  It wouldn't be fair to take advantage of Nick.  It wouldn't be - - his fingers slipped free of Nick's mouth and he shuddered at the loss.

        "What can we do?" Nick asked, leaning closer.

        Drew backed up until his back was against the sofa arm, naked feet on the sofa cushion between them, knees up to force space between their bodies.

        "You can keep your chastity belt on," Nick said, "just let me kiss you.  If you want me to.  If you want me.  If you don't want me tell me and I'll go."

        He licked his lips.  He could do this.  It was going to be very very good, he just had to do it.

        Nick leaned in and he closed his eyes and there were lips, there, moving softly against his, and his brain was starting to drift out of his body, and his erection was starting to hurt it felt so good, and Nick's hand rested on the back of his neck, and very very good had been an understatement.  Nick's teeth gently caught his lower lip and Nick's tongue sort of opened his mouth and then Nick's tongue was licking him.  Oh.  Oh.  Oh dear sweet...  Nick's tongue slid against his encouragingly, and he couldn't help but respond, he had to respond, it felt...oh...

        He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but his tongue knew every detail of Nick's mouth and his hands had been all over Nick's neck and hair and shoulders and back when Nick finally let go of him, and not just to breathe, let go for real.  And he'd never had anything like this, never guessed.  His nerve endings were hyper-aware of every formerly innocuous place that Nick had touched him, and even more aware of the places that Nick had not touched him.  His skin was burning, his heart was pounding double-time, and his brain was screaming at him that this couldn't ever possibly be happening.  But Nick's body was warm and real, and Nick's hair was soft and thick, and Nick's mouth knew exactly what he wanted.

        "Do you want me?" Nick asked, still close but not close enough to kiss, hand no longer warming and supporting the back of his neck.

        His breath was too fast and rather uneven.  "Yes."  He didn't know where to look, those blue eyes, those soft reddened lips, Nick was close, and beautiful, and Nick's lips parted and something inside of him moaned.

        "You want me?"

        The words came out without his permission and his heart sped ever faster.  "I want you."  He did.  Oh yes he did.  And he'd known, on some level, just how badly he did, but until now he'd never felt it.

        They looked at each other, wanting each other, wanting each other badly, desperately, but knowing that they couldn't, not tonight.

        "I'll see you tomorrow," Nick said finally, too quickly.

        He nodded.

        Nick kissed him, kissed him deeply and sucked on his tongue and made a soft yearning sound, and then Nick was gone.

        He hugged his knees to his chest and closed his eyes and felt his cock throbbing.  He was going to have to do something soon to figure out whether he really wanted to keep his virginity.  Because if Nick Carter had anything to say about it, it would seem, his virginity would be a thing of the past in another twenty-four hours.

        Nick respected his decision, though, it would seem.  Nick hadn't pressed too far, hadn't touched him anywhere untoward, hadn't tried to take off his clothes, hadn't asked for anything he hadn't been willing to give.  He was glad that Nick respected his wishes; it made him feel good.  It made him think that, maybe, his heart and his body were in one accord.

        In the morning, Nick knocked on his door, big brother Nick.  "What happened?"

        "When?" he asked.

        "Last night.  After I left."

        "You mean with Nick?"

        "I mean with Nick."

        "Stuff."

        "What kind of stuff?"

        "Stuff that's none of your business.  You want a play-by-play?"

        "I'm not trying to invade your privacy.  I'm just worried."

        "Do you know how many twenty-four-year-old guys are still virgins?"

        "I'm going to assume that you still are."

        "And I'm the only one.  Nick, I like him a lot."

        "That's good.  I'm glad."

        "I'm not going to stay a blushing virgin forever.  Sooner or later, I'm going to let him...  And you know what?  Unless you want your little brother to round the bases first, you'd better get moving with Jeff."

        Nick's jaw hit the floor.

        How to give your brother a heart attack 101: Let him know that you know that he's in love with everybody's favorite first tenor.

        "How do you know?  How do you know?" Nick asked, sounding shocked.

        "You look at him."

        "I have to look at him.  We work together."

        "If I looked at Justin the way you look at Jeff-"

        "Do I look at Jeff the way you look at Nick?"

        "You look at him like your eyes are trying to have sex with him through his clothes.  If our songs weren't so aggressively heterosexual, I'd think you were singing about him."

        "I do sing about him," Nick said.  "He hasn't, you know, noticed me staring, has he?"

        "I don't think so."

        "You aren't going to tell him, are you?"

        "You are."

        "No way!"  Nick looked ill at the thought.

        "You have to tell him."

        "He'll...  It would ruin everything."

        "He's not homophobic.  I don't even think he's straight."

        "What?"

        "You're not, I'm not, why should he be?"

        "Because he is!  Most guys are."

        "Not most guys who sing with other guys, apparently."

        "Just because you and me...and Nick, and Brian, and JC, and Justin Timberlake..."

        "And Five."

        "Not all of them."

        "All of them."

        "Okay.  But Jeff's straight.  I know Jeff's straight."

        "What if he's not?  What if he likes you?"

        "Of course he likes me, we're friends."

        "Justin likes you.  I'm talking about Jeff liking you."

        "You need to stop."

        "Just tell him.  If you don't tell him and he figures it out on his own later or somebody else figures it out and tells him, it'll be worse.  Just...just tell him."

        "Sure.  Great.  I'll just say, 'Hey, Jeff, every time we sing 'I Do' I'm thinking about you and how much I'm in love with you and I'd really like it if you'd let me make love to you but since I know you're straight and now you hate me-"

        "He's not going to hate you.  Come on."  Lyrics flitted through his mind.  "You know, there's no gender in 'I Do.'"

        "I know."

        "It's just a lot of hey I'm in love with you and I will be forever."

        "I know, Drew, I sing the song."

        "No, I'm just saying..."

        "What is wrong with you?"

        "Sorry.  Nothing."

        "I'm not going to tell him."

        "I won't either, promise.  But you should."

        "I'll tell him, and it'll change everything, and he won't be able to be near me anymore, and that would kill me."

        "Hey, it's okay."

        "But I want you to be happy.  Just take care of yourself with Nick, okay?  Don't rush into anything."

        "I'm not rushing.  I can take care of myself."

        "I know."

        "What is your plan?  To be in love with him for the next seventy years and keep it to yourself?"

        "Yeah," Nick confessed.

        "You deserve better than that."

        "I just don't want to lose him."

        "You're such a girl."

        "Look who's talking."

        "What's that supposed to mean?!"

        "Nothing," Nick said, grinning.

        "You know, Nick said I have a chastity belt."

        "You'd better."

        "So, what, you're saying that if Jeff did like you and wanted to make love with you, you'd say no?"

        "If he loved me like I love him, and we were sure that it was right, and we were committed to each other, then, yes, we'd make love."

        "So you just have to be sure and committed."

        "You can't marry Nick, not legally, anyway.  And I know that you're not going to have a commitment ceremony because neither one of you is going to come out publicly.  But if you're truly in love and you've pledged a serious commitment, there's no reason you shouldn't make love."

        "Good."

        "You love him?"

        "I do.  I don't even, I mean, I feel like I should know him well for a few years before I'm sure, but I feel it.  I feel sure.  I know I'm in love."

        "Good."

        "Do you like him?"

        "Nick?  He's great.  Go for it."

        "He kissed me."

        He could see Nick on the verge of asking, "Where?" but luckily for Nick, what came out was, "What's it like?  Kissing a guy."

        "Really really really really good.  And you'd find that out for yourself if you'd just tell  Jeff."

        "No way."

        "Your loss.  His loss, too."

        "We're supposed to try out the stage soon.  So let's go do our jobs and not stand around here having the same conversation all over again."

        "Fine.  I'll go get Jeff."

        "Why can't I do it?"

        "I'm suspending your privileges."

        After they ran through their number and straightened out music and lighting, they retired to Jeff's room.  "You seeing Nick again today?" Jeff asked.

        "I was going to work out and see him afterward," Drew said, slouching on the sofa.  "You know, Nick and I were talking.  I'm gay, and Nick Carter and Brian and Justin Timberlake are bi, and JC's gay, and there's Five...  Is there something about - - I mean, for BSB and *NSYNC that's two out of five and two out of five.  And I'm one out of four.  So obviously there's some statistical anomaly."

        "Maybe straight guys aren't attracted to non-head-banging singing careers," Jeff guessed.  "I don't know."

        "You were," Drew said.

        "Yeah.  I wanted to talk to you about that," Jeff said.  "I wanted to do it when Justin was here, but...  I couldn't say anything at first, when we first put the group together and I didn't know you guys and it's not really something that you just tell people, especially in this business, when our success depends on our being straight.  And now we're all really close and I wanted to tell you, especially when you came out to us, but I - - there's no excuse, I was just afraid."

        "You're bi," Drew said.

        "I'm gay," Jeff said.

        Nick slid off of the armchair and sat on the floor.

        "You're gay," Drew said.  "That's...  You know you can trust us.  You know we're totally cool no matter what."

        "I know.  I'm sorry that I didn't say anything until now."

        "I understand," Drew said.  "It's hard to say sometimes."

        Jeff leaned forward slightly on the sofa.  "Nick?  You gonna say something?"

        Drew frowned.

        "Sweet baby," Nick said, and a broad hand covered Drew's eyes, and Drew heard Jeff gasp in shock and then there was this...sound...that sounded pretty much exactly like deep tongue kissing.  Wow.  Talk about moving in for the kill.  They weren't stopping, either.  He waited, and Nick's hand started to slip, and he moved away and opened his eyes.

        Wow.

        Okay, it looked like they'd be fairly busy for the next, say, five days or so, so he might as well excuse himself.  He left, carefully closing the door, hoping that they'd remember to lock it before they...um...yeah.

        He changed and went down to the the gym.  He bumped into Howie about halfway through and they spotted each other.  Howie brought up the subject of Nick Carter first, sort of letting him know that Howie knew, letting him know that Howie was cool with it.  As he was about to leave, Nick Carter showed up and came over to them.

        "You guys getting along?" Nick asked.

        "Yeah," Drew said.

        "Do you know how much he presses?" Nick asked Howie.

        "I'm not telling," Howie said.  "It'll just make me look like a wimp."

        "You're leaving?" Nick asked.

        "Yeah," Drew said.

        "That's Nick's way of asking if you're busy or if he can come with you," Howie said.

        "Thanks you're so helpful," Nick told Howie.

        "I do what I can.  See you later," Howie said.

        "Bye," Drew said.

        "Get out of here," Nick said.  Howie left.  "So.  Are you busy or can I come with you?"

        "I was just going to change and do nothing," Drew said.  "It's nice to do nothing when I can.  You know how busy it gets."

        "I know," Nick agreed.  "We could do nothing together."

        "Sure," Drew said.  "Except I sort of need to shower and change first."

        "So I'll sit like a good little boy and watch TV while you do that."

        "Okay."

        "Nick and Jeff around?"

        "They're busy," Drew said.  "I'm all on my own."

        "Good."

        Apparently Nick wasn't one for the art of subtlety.  And that pleased little smile was doing things to Drew.

        He and Nick went up to his room.  He grabbed his clothes and went to the bathroom and locked the door.  He was going to get naked with Nick just in the next room.  Life was being extra-extra good to him these days.

        He showered fast, then dried and dressed.  He pulled on jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt over his boxers and emerged to find Nick sitting on his sofa barefoot drawing something on the hotel stationery.

        "What's that?" he asked.

        "You don't want to see," Nick said.  "I can't draw right when I'm, you know...distracted."

        "Distracted?" he asked, taking his seat on the sofa.

        "Distracted."

        "It's all peaceful and quiet in here.  What's distracting?"

        "You're totally flirting with me."  Nick looked surprised and inordinately pleased.

        "I'm not very good at it."

        "So keep practicing."

        "Could I...you know."

        Nick smiled.  "You know I'm going to say yes to whatever it is, but you have to say it first."

        "I want to kiss you."

        "I'm the last person to stop you."

        He touched Nick's hair.

        "I'm going to ask you something that's none of my business.  Don't hit me."

        "Okay."  He kissed Nick just a little, just a little.  Mm.

        "Do you...when you're in the shower...do you...jerk off?"

        His cheeks flushed.

        "Do you?" Nick asked.

        Mm, nice soft lips.

        "You do, don't you?"

        "Sometimes," he confessed.  He was walking into new territory, down a dangerous path.  Innocent virginal Little Red Riding Hood, with the masculine seducer just waiting to lure him off into the woods.  He was a little scared; it wasn't like he talked about this stuff with anybody, ever.  But he couldn't refuse Nick, not when he wanted Nick this badly, not when his mind already was spinning with new feelings, new thoughts, new sensations.

        "Do you ever...do it...when you're...thinking about me?"

        Flicker of tongue.

        "Do you?" Nick repeated, soft, insistent, aroused.

        "Sometimes."

        "Last night?"

        Long, slow kiss.  And he found himself answering, "Yeah."

        "In the shower?"

        Deep kiss, tongue against tongue.  It was getting easier and easier to say these things, because Nick liked to hear them.  He said, being honest, "In bed."

        "Oh god."

        Slowly he drew on Nick's tongue.

        "You were in bed...thinking about me...touching yourself...coming...thinking about me," Nick whispered, licking his mouth.

        "Oh yeah."

        "Did you say my name?  When you touched yourself?  When you came?"

        "Yes."  He remembered it, whispering it to himself in the dark, quiet and alone, unable to keep Nick's name from escaping his lips.  He'd come fast last night, overexcited, remembering the way Nick's mouth felt on his mouth.  And remembering the way Nick's tongue had felt on his fingers, the same fingers he'd had wrapped around his own cock; and that made him think of Nick's tongue there, where he wanted it, where-

        "Are you circumcised?"

        "Yeah."

        "Me too."

        He was going to come in his pants, he just knew it, it was so hot, so erotic, so dirty.  "Nick?"

        "Yeah."

        He swallowed, kissed Nick's mouth.  "Do you...think about me?"

        "All the time."

        "Do you...do you..."

        "Ask me," Nick urged, and released his mouth, licking his jaw.

        He tilted his head back, that felt good, oh please.  "Nick."

        "Drew," was breathed against his neck, and Nick was kissing  his neck, and his fingers slid through Nick's short blonde hair.

        Nick wanted him.  Nick wanted him as badly as he wanted Nick.  Nick wanted him.  Nick really and truly wanted him.  Nick was excited and turned on and he knew, he knew that Nick had to be hard right now, that Nick's, oh, Nick's cock, Nick's circumcised cock, had to be hard in Nick's pants, jerking with every new stimulation like his was.  "Nick.  Do you masturbate?"

        "Hell yes."

        "Do you..." oh please please say yes he had to say yes "...think about me when you..."

        "Say it."

        "Touch yourself."  This was mortifying but thrilling all at once.  It was dirty and forbidden and shameful, but it was turning him on, talking about sex, talking about private no-no stuff, with a mouth on his neck, a young man's mouth on his neck, he couldn't believe it, he actually had Nickolas Carter's mouth on his neck.  Gay sex with the beautiful young Backstreet Boy.  God his life was good.  God his cock was hard.

        "I think about you every time I get off, and I get off every time I think about you," Nick said, and licked his ear.

        Oh sweet heaven yes.

        "Ask me."

        He did.  He asked.  Because he didn't care anymore about what he should or shouldn't do, he wasn't afraid anymore, he knew that Nick had to want him, he knew that Nick wanted him to ask.  Nick wouldn't leave him for asking, "Where?"

        "In the shower.  In bed.  Anywhere I can.  Any time I'm alone and the door locks."

        "Tell me more.  Please."

        "You want more?" Nick asked, sucking on his collarbone, licking his voicebox.

        "Please, yes."  Drew Lachey you are such a slut.

        "You want more," Nick said, "lay back and I'll give you everything you want."

        The possibility of non-compliance never crossed his mind.  He slid down until he was on his back, head at the armrest, one foot on the floor, looking up at Nick.

        "I won't mark you," Nick promised, and licked his neck.  He hadn't even thought about that, which just proved how he probably shouldn't be doing this.  Then Nick kissed his mouth and he didn't care anymore.  "I'm in the shower and it's hot and wet and there's steam, and I'm naked and wet, and the soap's real slick, and I think about you," Nick whispered, brushing soft kisses over his cheekbones.  "I think about how I want you in there with me, how I want you hot and wet and naked, I want to see you naked, I want to touch you, touch your naked body, look at you, touch your cock.  How I want to get on my knees for you, I want to suck you, I want to suck your cock, Drew."  And then Nick's body was on his, and oh good sweet heaven he was going to come, he was going to come right now, that was good, so good, too good.  He could feel Nick, feel Nick's hard erection against his body, could feel it right up against his through their cramped jeans.  He hadn't even oh oh oh.  "You feel so good," Nick whispered, kissing the shell of his ear, "you feel so good, Drew, do you feel good?"

        He made a sound that was supposed to be "Yes."

        "You feel good.  You want to feel good with me?"

        "Yes."

        "I lie in bed and it's dark and I'm all alone, and do you know what I do?"

        "No."

        "Do you want me to tell you?"

        "Yes."

        "Can I tell you what I do to myself when I'm alone in bed at night?"

        "Yes."  This was like porn or something, and it was totally working.

        Nick was kissing down his neck and ever so lightly rubbing against his body, rubbing cock against cock, and his mind was leaking out into his boxers.  "I think about you, I think about how good you look, how I want to see you naked, how I want you.  I want you, Drew, I want you.  And my cock gets hard.  I wait until it's half hard, and then I put my hand down in my underwear and I touch myself while I think about you.  I rub myself, I touch myself the way I want to touch you, the way I want you to touch me.  I want to touch you, Drew, I want to touch you there, I want to make you feel good, and my cock starts to leak, it's drooling for you, it wants you like I want you.  I pretend you're touching me and I pretend I'm touching you and when I come in my hand I pretend it's you coming in my hand, and I always make you come, Drew, and you always make me come.  I come so hard for you.  And then I taste it, just a little, I taste my cum and I pretend it's yours.  I want to taste you, Drew, I want to feel you in my mouth."  Nick licked into his mouth and Nick's hips ground against his and he couldn't take any more, no more, oh please please.

        Nick's hips stopped.

        He almost cried out in relief and frustration.

        Nick raised up a little, kneeling astride him, taking the pressure off of his body, putting space between them so that he couldn't feel Nick's weight or hardness anymore.  Nick's kiss slowed down a little.

        "Do you want me to suck you?"

        His body shuddered with want.  His nipples were hard and he felt goosebumps rise over his flesh.  "Yes."

        Nick looked into his eyes.  "Do you want me to suck your cock?"

        He swallowed.  "Yes.  Please."

        Nick smiled a little.  "Can I take off your hat?"

        "Yeah."

        "Come on, we've gotta get you undressed."  Nick stood and helped him up.  He took off his hat and ruffled his fingers through his hair and felt short.  "You look good with hair," Nick said, and Nick's fingers ran over his scalp.  "Okay, take off your clothes and let me watch."

        Great.  Now he was totally self-conscious.  He was 5'6" and didn't even hit 150 pounds and probably - - but Nick wanted him, right?  And he trusted Nick.  So he pulled his shirt over his head.

        "Wow."  Nick was staring at him.  "Wow.  I knew you had to be hiding something, but I didn't know you were ripped as all hell.  You have the best body I have ever seen.  Okay.  Time to stop and smell the roses later.  Keep going."

        He sighed and opened his jeans and shoved everything down and stepped free.

        "Oh my god."  Nick dropped to his knees.  Drew moved to step back but Nick's hands closed over Drew's hips.  "So fucking good," Nick said, and then...and then...and then there was a tongue licking up his cock.

        The next few minutes were a blur of ecstasy and awe for Drew.  He never was sure, later, whether he'd actually screamed aloud.

        When his eyes opened again, he was on the bed flat on his back with Nick's tongue on his sensitive nipples.  He shivered and rested a hand on the back of Nick's head.

        Nick slid up, resting half on top of him and half propped on an elbow, leaning in and kissing his nose.  "You have the best body I have ever seen.  You need to show this off a lot more.  And you have-"

        He put his hand over Nick's mouth.

        Nick kissed his palm and ducked away from it.  "You don't want me to say it?"

        He shook his head.  "May I...help you?"

        "You want to touch me?" Nick asked.

        "Yes please."

        "Is your brother hung like you?"

        His cheeks flushed.  "I'm not telling."

        "That means no."

        Well, he couldn't let Nick walk around thinking that the measure of his brother's masculinity was unworthy.  "There was an eligibility requirement to get into 98 Degrees."

        "Holy shit."

        He slid his hand up under Nick's shirt onto Nick's back.  "Thank you."

        "For what?"

        "Doing that."

        "Giving you a blow job?  The pleasure was all mine."

        "You like doing that?"

        "Totally."

        "Is it...hard to learn?"

        "It's a little challenging at first.  I guess it depends on the size of the equipment you have to work with.  And most people don't learn how to deep throat."

        "Do you...do that?"

        "Yeah."

        "Did you...just now?"

        "You don't remember?"

        "All I remember is that it felt so good that my brain had an orgasm in the first two seconds and everything after that was just a blur."

        "Okay, then I won't get mad."  Nick was grinning.  "No, I didn't deep throat you this time.  I can next time."

        "Could you teach me how?"

        "I would...  How many ways can I tell you yes to that?  Just tell me when."

        He slid his hand around to the front.  He wondered if Nick's nipples were sensitive, too, so he slid his hand up and found one.  Nick gasped.  He smiled and rubbed his thumb over the other one.

        "I'm going to look like a complete amateur and come in my pants if you keep doing that."

        "Take off your pants, then."

        "You're a bad boy.  I should make you naked more often."

        Nick's pleased, low, lascivious tone on the words "bad boy" rubbed against something dark inside him, made his body warm.  "I think you broke something in my brain."

        "You don't seem worried about it."

        "I'm enjoying myself.  Do you mind if I...?"

        "I don't know what you're asking but do it anyway."

        He slid his hand free of Nick's shirt and slowly slid his fingers down over Nick's waistband and onto Nick's fly, easing his grasp over Nick's erection.  It was very hard; it felt hot and alive down there.  He rubbed over it encouragingly, feeling it respond, wondering what Nick looked like down there.

        "Fuck," Nick gasped in his right ear, and then Nick's whole body tensed beside him, and then something pulsed under his fingers.

        "Sorry," he said softly.

        "Don't be sorry," Nick said.  "I'm just surprised I didn't come on the couch, or while I was going down on you, or when you passed out."

        "People falling unconscious excite you?"

        "You look really good spread out on a bed at my mercy."

        "Oh."

        "Okay now this is just gross and I have to wear these back to my room."

        "You could just stay here naked forever."

        "Okay."  Nick rolled off of the bed; Drew sat up to watch.  Nick stripped, then used the boxers to wipe off the excess semen, then said, "You're staring.  Why are you staring?"

        "I'm enjoying myself."

        "That's good.  You're making me nervous."

        "Don't be nervous.  Come here.  I was just thinking that there's six feet two inches of gorgeous young man naked beside my bed and all of that is mine."  Nick accepted his hand and sat beside him, pushed him onto his back, got on top of him.  "Which is stupid, I mean, really, because you're not mine, you don't belong to me-"

        "I could if you want."

        "Really?"  Oh, wow, Nick was entirely naked, and so was he, and Nick's naked body was just inches above his naked body, smooth and pale.

        "Sure."

        "Okay.  Wow.  My very own personal Backstreet Boy."

        "Are you nervous?"

        "A little.  Can we, um, talk about something?"

        "This sounds like serious 'we have to talk' stuff.  Like you're dying of cancer or you want to dump me or-"

        "I just...want to make sure that we both understand something."

        "Okay.  Do you want me to get off of you?"

        "No, stay."

        "Okay."

        "But we shouldn't be talking about this naked in bed, because-"

        "Just say it."

        "I'm in love with you."  He closed his eyes.  He hadn't meant to say it like that.  He was supposed to explain, explicitly, that he wasn't interested in casual sex and that he felt that an emotional commitment was necessary for a physical relationship, and he was - - but no, he'd just stepped right in there with hey, I'm in love with you.  Stupid.

        "Wow."

        He opened one eye, then the other.  Nick was staring at him.

        "Wow.  This is like the best day of my life.  This is better than, hell, I don't know, signing with Jive.  This is like...wow.  Drew Lachey is totally in love with me.  I really..."

        Okay, so he hadn't ruined everything.

        Nick kissed him.  Slow and deep, loving and erotic.  "I am so fucking in love with you," Nick said, kissing him again, "I can't believe this, it's like a fantasy or something," kiss, oh, his toes were curling, "I just want to stay with you forever," long kiss, tongue stroking tongue, Nick's hands sliding over his torso.  He wound his arms around Nick's neck and sucked Nick's tongue to keep it still and spread his legs, pulling Nick down right against him, slowly rocking his hips.  His mind was grooving on a blissed-out plane somewhere, and his body was eager to join it.  Nick left his mouth and slid down to his nipples, soft pink lips wrapping around them, tongue rubbing over them, and then Nick licked the ridges of his six-pack and kissed his navel, and then, oh, he'd never had his balls licked before...

        Yes, Nick liked to suck cock.  That pleasure was evident in every lingering lick, every soft moan, every hungry sigh, every greedy suck.  And, yes, Nick knew how to deep throat, too.  And when Drew's hips rocked to thrust his cock down Nick's throat, Nick let him, Nick loved it, Nick encouraged him.

        Drew collapsed.

        "I'm going to ask you something and you can't hit me."

        "Yeah," he said vaguely, wrapping himself around Nick, eyes closing.

        "Are you interested in...anal sex?"

        His eyes opened slowly.  His brain was paying attention now.  "Um...I'm curious about it.  I don't know if I'll like it.  I've never tried it."

        "You ever touched yourself there?"

        "No."

        "You think you'll want to try it with me?  Not today, not for a while, but sometime?"

        "Yeah.  You've...done that?"

        "Yeah."

        With Brian, of course.  "Both ways?"

        "Stop blushing, it's cool.  Yeah, both ways."

        "You liked it?"

        "It's better than sucking cock."

        And he knew how Nick felt about that activity.  So.

        "You think you'll want to eventually?"

        "How's tomorrow?"

        Nick laughed.  "Don't rush into it."

        "I want you."

        "You got me."

        He slid his hand down between their bodies, down to wrap his fingers around Nick's erection.  He got his fingers wet with pre-cum and brought them back to his lips.  His tongue flickered out to taste.

        "God where's my camera?" Nick asked, sounding breathless.

        "I don't...think I can..."

        "Swallow?"

        It was a great relief not to have to say it himself.  "Right.  But could I..."

        "Taste?"

        "Is that okay?"

        "The things you think I'll object to are amazing.  Go ahead."  Nick rolled onto his back and Drew scooted down between Nick's legs.

        He'd never been this close up and personal to another guy's cock.  Challenging; that had been a good word Nick used.  Daunting.  He breathed on it and it twitched.  He closed his eyes and parted his lips and leaned in to taste.

        "Fuck," Nick gasped, breathing funny.

        He massaged Nick's balls in one hand, kissing and licking bit by bit along the way.  This was a lot of fun.  And it was easy to judge what Nick liked - - well, Nick seemed to like pretty much everything he was doing.  He was careful to keep his teeth out of the way.  He took the head into his mouth, tested how much fit and how far down he could go, moved up and down a little.

        Nick sat up suddenly and grabbed him and yanked him up and kissed him and came, hard, between their bodies.  "Oh god."

        "I want more," Drew said softly, kissing Nick.

        "Oh god," Nick said again, sinking back onto the mattress, arms wrapped around him, kissing his mouth.

        Later, after they'd spent the entire afternoon and evening together, talking and ordering room service and making out some more, making aborted attempts at getting dressed, there was a knock at the door.

        "Shit," Nick said.  They scrambled into their clothes.  Nick made a run for the bathroom; he grabbed Nick's arm.

        "No, don't hide."  He peeked at the peephole.  "It's Nick."

        "He's going to kill me."

        "Only a little."

        "Don't open the door until I've made it out the window."

        "Oh calm down."  He unlocked the door and opened it.

        "What took you...so...long," Nick said, looking at Nick Carter.

        "Hi," Drew said.

        Nick was looking at the bed.  Jeff appeared behind Nick.

        "So.  How've you been?" Drew asked.

        Nick looked at him, realized what he was asking, and turned bright red.

        "That good," Drew murmured.  He wasn't surprised.  "Nick, could you-"

        "I'm just going to go now," Nick Carter said.  "I'll see you later.  Have a nice day.  Bye."  Nick Carter escaped; Nick and Jeff came in completely; Drew locked the door.

        "You had sex," Nick said.

        "Just some," Drew said.

        "Are you sure about him?"

        "Yes.  Are you here just to check up on me or for some other purpose?"  He turned to Jeff.  "And how did you ever get him off of you?  When I left it looked like he was settling in for good."  It was amazing; it had seemed like Nick had just sort of...stormed Jeff.  Ran right in and took possession.

        "You did not just ask that," Nick said.

        "Of course not," he said.  "But really, are you here to talk about me, to talk about you, or to talk about business?"

        "I wish Justin were here," Nick said.

        "We could borrow Justin Timberlake," Jeff said.

        "What is 'some sex?'" Nick asked.

        "That is none of your business," Drew said.

        "You're my little brother, you've known him all of-"

        "You know I wouldn't do this if it weren't right for me," Drew said.

        "He's young and experienced."

        "He's good to me.  You keep blowing hot and cold on this.  One second you're teasing and supportive, the next you're all conservative and judgmental."

        "Conservative," Nick said.  "You just - - he called me conservative."

        "You're fired," Jeff told Drew.

        "So what happened after I left?" Drew asked.  "I mean, it's been hours and hours and hours."

        "We had some...talking to do," Nick said.

        "Before or after the hot monkey sex?" Drew asked with a grin.

        "Both," Jeff said, taking a seat on the armchair.

        "We did not," Nick said, looking at Jeff.

        Drew smiled.  "One of you's lying.  So what'd you talk about?  Did you pledge your undying love?  Did you call each other cute food nicknames?  Did Nick tell you how hot he gets whenever you do that little descant in 'Fly With Me?'"

        "What?" Jeff asked.

        "I hate you," Nick told Drew, slumping on the sofa.

        "You know, the part where you sing 'fly.'  There's the harmony but then you sort of take off.  It's really pretty.  Every time you sing it - - well, every time you sing anything, Nick gets...turned on.  You know, the little descants and solos, the times when the two of you harmonize, the regular four-part harmony."

        "I hate you more," Nick told Drew.

        "Every time I sing?" Jeff asked.  "That's...a lot of the time."

        "More and more," Nick told Drew, his face in his hands.

        "So between rounds of hot monkey sex, you didn't talk about that," Drew guessed.

        "He told me he's in love with me," Jeff said.

        "And?" Drew prompted.

        "And he made a lovely confession that's given me lots of new lyric ideas."

        "And?"

        "And then I let him...have more hot monkey sex."

        "And?!"

        "And then we had a lot more hot monkey sex.  And then he started to worry about you, so we showered and dressed and came over here."

        "You didn't make a lovely confession?" Drew asked Jeff.

        "I didn't really get a chance, between his grand passionate speech and all of the hot monkey sex."

        "We did not have hot monkey sex!" Nick exclaimed, shooting to his feet.

        Jeff smiled.

        "I hate you," Nick told Jeff.

        "That's mean," Drew said.

        "What would you call it?" Jeff asked.

        "We made love," Nick said.

        "As in you made love or as in you made love?" Drew asked.

        "What's the difference?" Nick asked.

        "You know...  I'm not going to say it!"

        "He means did we have some sex or did we...be all that we could be," Jeff said.

        Nick turned bright red.

        Drew sat on the floor.  "You...you..."

        "We made love," Nick said, still red, sitting again.

        "You had sex.  Real sex.  Together."

        "For the past eight hours," Jeff said.

        "You made love and then you told him how you feel and you made love again and he still hasn't told you how he feels and you're yelling at me?" Drew asked Nick.  "And you're just evil," he told Jeff.

        "He made it very difficult to say no," Jeff said.

        "So you made love," to Nick, "and you had hot monkey sex," to Jeff.

        "Yep," Jeff said.  "What about you?  Did you have some sex or did you make a little love?"

        "We made love, we just...weren't as thorough about it as you two.  I don't even know how to do that."

        "I'm sure Nick'll show you," Nick muttered.

        "He and I feel the same," Drew said.  "We're in this together, for real.  He's not just in it for fun, or on the rebound, or anything like that.  He loves me."

        "Good," Nick said.  "You deserve that."

        Jeff was humming his part of "The Hardest Thing."

        Drew wondered which one of them...well, in eight hours, there had been plenty of opportunity for them to take turns.  Still...

        "Why are you staring at me?" Nick asked.

        "Just thinking."

        "You stop thinking, and you stop humming.  I'm going to my room."

        "Don't forget to lock the door," Drew said.  "You don't want any evil-minded people getting in there."

        "If you get that song in my head," Nick warned Jeff.

        "It's a good song," Jeff said mildly.

        "Nick likes it," Drew said.

        "I show up a lot in that song." Jeff said.

        "Still hating you," Nick said.

        "Oh.  I...sort of...told Nick something," Drew remembered with a guilty start.

        "What?" Nick asked warily.

        "Never mind."

        "What?"

        "You don't want to know."

        "What?!"

        "I told him that there was an eligibility requirement for getting into 98 Degrees."

        "There was," Jeff said.

        "Not that kind."

        "What?" Nick asked.

        "You know...something...uh...never mind."

        "What is he talking about?" Jeff asked Nick.

        "What are you talking about?" Nick asked Drew.

        "Don't make me say it," Drew said.

        "So it's something indecent," Jeff said.  "What dirty things are you telling people about us?"

        "I...  There's something...  And he asked me about Nick...  And I said..."

        Jeff coughed.

        "What?" Nick asked.

        "You told him we're all...?" Jeff asked.

        "I didn't mean...I just...," Drew said helplessly.

        "What?" Nick asked.

        "Drew told his new boyfriend that we're all...you know...hung," Jeff told Nick.

        Nick stared at Drew.  "You what?"

        "I didn't want to lie," Drew said.

        "You...but..."

        "You'd rather he lied and said we're not?" Jeff asked.  "You want people to think you're...not?"

        Nick's cheeks turned red.

        "He's not going to tell everybody," Drew said.

        "He'll probably tell Brian," Jeff said.  "Or JC and Justin.  And they'll-"

        "I don't want everybody thinking that," Nick said.

        "You're ashamed?" Jeff asked.

        "It's embarrassing."

        Drew had known that Nick wanted Jeff.  And he'd known that it went much deeper than simple desire or even lust; he'd known that Nick was in love, deeply forever in love, with Jeff.  But now, just knowing that the two of them had...made love, had been together, had shared something that profound...  It was awing and moving and a little frightening, a little...perhaps intimidating was a better word.  They'd moved onto an entirely new path of life.

        He couldn't help but wonder again which of them had made love to the other.  Maybe Nick had made love to Jeff first.  But no, Jeff had said that after Nick's confession, "then I let him..."  So Jeff had gone first.

        "You're staring again," Nick said to Drew.

        "And I can make you feel the world belongs to you," Jeff sang softly.

        "Stop it," Nick said.

        "Together we can touch the moon and kiss the sky."

        "Stop it."

        "And together we'll fly..."

        "Stop it!"

        Jeff grinned.

        "You go to your room and lock the door," Drew told Nick.  "You, evil bad person, out of my room," he said to Jeff.

        "Come on," Jeff said to Nick, rising.

        "Not together!" Drew protested.

        "How can my singing make you...turn...you know?" Jeff asked Nick.  "It's just singing."

        "You have a very pretty voice," Drew said.  "You just glide through high notes - - it's lovely."

        "What about Chris and Howie D.?" Jeff asked.

        "He's not in love with them," Drew said.

        "Does Nick Carter's voice...affect you?" Jeff asked.

        "He overemotes."

        Jeff laughed.  "You don't sound very lovestruck."

        "I think it's just that...he's been a Backstreet Boy since he was thirteen.  And their sound is changing, maturing, but it's pretty much been the same experience for seven years now.  He hasn't been given the right encouragement to grow.  He was talking about how impressed he is that I had a real life before I joined 98 Degrees.  I grew up and got a job and made a difference first.  He grew up in the Backstreet Boys, and the difference comes out in the music."

        "You can help him.  Just not too much.  They are our competition."

        "Nobody's our competition," Drew said.  "We're too good for all of them."

        "You said it."  They knocked fists.

        "For our next album...  I was thinking, I mean, we're not all coming out or anything, but three out of four Degrees are other than straight.  So maybe our songs could be less aggressively heterosexual," Drew said.  "Not that we can come right out and sing about guys or anything, but we don't have to say 'girl' every other verse."

        "Sure," Jeff said.  "It's a lot easier to sing it real if you don't have to sing about something you aren't feeling."

        "I'm leaving," Nick said, standing.

        "Bye," Drew said as Nick left.  He pushed Jeff.  "Go after him."

        "You said I wasn't allowed to go with him."

        "You're not fooling me at all.  Hot monkey sex.  You're totally in love with him."

        Jeff smiled.

        "Aren't you going to tell him?"

        "But this is fun."

        "Tormenting him?"

        "Letting him love me."

        "I don't know why I ever joined this group.  If I'd known you were psychotic-"

        "I'll tell him.  I promise."

        "When?"

        "When it's right."

        "When?"

        "Give me a deadline."

        "Five minutes."

        "Try again."

        "Before we perform.  Two days."

        "Okay."

        "Promise."

        "I promise."

        "Behave yourself."

        "You behave yourself, too."

        "You know, I have Nick my brother and Nick my boyfriend.  That's going to get old fast."

        "What's Nick's middle name?"

        He winced.  "Gene."

        "Well, Nicholas Scott Lachey, Scott's not bad.  Or you could just call Nick Carter 'Pooky Bear Sweetie' all of the time."

        "Are you and Nick going to have cute names for each other?"

        "The second he starts calling me 'angel pie' he's gone."

        "Go take care of him."

        "Are you going to be spending the evening alone here?"

        "Maybe."  Maybe not.

        "Don't do anything I'd do."