That Wasn't in the Brochure

Are We Friends?, a slashfic in two parts

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairing: Graham Miller/Daniel Osbourne, Riley Finn/Xander Harris

Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," with its related characters and themes, belongs to Joss Whedon and others, not to me. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and Bailey Chase. And for Riley Finn, for asking if Graham Miller wanted him naked and unconscious. (Did anyone else notice Graham totally checking out Riley's butt in that scene?)

Wherein Xander plays with Buffy's old toys, Graham donates blood, and no, it's not Riley's turn to clean the bathroom.

Notice: This story is set in Buffy's sophomore year at UC Sunnydale. Without Dawn. Also, yes, I named the demon that on purpose; I'm an M/O convert.

"Are We Friends?" Part Two: That Wasn't in the Brochure, Was It?

Oz sat on the kitchen counter and watched Graham eat breakfast. It had been a busy morning, and all four of them had come into the kitchen at once. When Riley had been at the stove and Xander had been going through the cupboards and Oz was trying to get to the refrigerator and then Graham entered, Riley had decided that there wasn't room enough for four of them. So Riley had hoisted Oz up onto the counter and sent Xander to his bedroom. Now Riley was giving Xander breakfast in bed and they were, no doubt, going to be late. And Oz was still on the counter, watching Graham.

He wanted to stroke Graham's broad shoulders. Broad shoulders, powerful upper body. He wanted to pet Graham's short, soft, spiky hair. He wanted to lick along that powerful jaw, those cheekbones. And there was something about those eyes...

He slid off of the counter and sat at the table, directly across from Graham.

Graham scratched his shoulder and glanced at Oz distractedly. "Yeah?"

"Nothing."

"You need something?"

"Just looking."

Graham's brow furrowed briefly, but Graham went back to reading the paper. Oz looked his fill.

Some people had a "look but don't touch" aura about them. Xander's aura, unfortunately for Xander, invited touching. Graham's aura said "don't fuck with me." Oz respected that. But he wanted to touch. He'd have to seek permission.

He went to class, went to his self-defense class, did his homework, and went on an evening's patrol with Riley and Xander. Buffy and Graham were teaming up these days. After patrol, he brushed off the vampire dust and sat in his room, studying for his sonnet exam.

Oz's room was pretty cool, in his opinion. Not super-cool, but he'd done what he could with what he had.

Okay, it was small and cramped and dark and filled with crates of books. But he liked it.

He could sit on the floor, on his desk chair, or on his bed, which was pushed against the wall in the far corner. Tonight he was tired, and his elbow hurt from a slaying fall, so he'd opted for the bed, pampering himself. He was lying there barefoot, feet at the head of the bed and head at the foot, reading, when Graham came to the doorway.

"Hey."

"You busy?"

He closed the book. "No."

Graham took a few steps into the room. "Dingoes playing at the Bronze tomorrow night?"

"Yeah."

"Think Buffy and Giles would let me go?"

He smiled. "They might give you time off for good behavior."

"You busy afterward?"

"No plans."

"We could hang out if we don't have to run off and save the world."

"Always a big if around here, but I'm willing to risk it."

"Great." A small smile, and Graham left him alone again.

Had he just agreed to a date? Probably not. Most likely not. Still...it sounded nice anyway, even if it wasn't a date.

The following night, after the first set, Oz went down onto the floor. He found Riley, Xander, and Graham at a table together. He was very aware, suddenly, that he'd never seen Graham dress for anything on purpose. He wondered whether Graham could possibly look this good tonight by accident. His nostrils flared. "You smell good."

"Thanks," Graham said.

"What do I smell like?" Xander asked.

Oz smiled. "Riley."

"Is that really really cool or just scary?" Xander asked.

"Really really cool," Oz told him.

"You sound great," Graham said. "The Dingoes, I mean."

"Thanks," Oz said. "We practiced this week. I think."

"You think?"

"It's hard to tell. Our practices sound a lot like fooling around and doing nothing. Like our songwriting sessions sound like talking about sex and getting high."

"Getting high?" Riley repeated.

"I'm the clean Dingo," Oz said. "No groupies, no pot. All the work of being a musician with none of the perks. Not that I do that much work."

"The Dingoes have groupies?" Graham asked.

"Devon has groupies. I used to, but it didn't really work out once I started being more interested in conversation than sex."

"Are you male? Are you human?" Xander said. "Okay, aside from the werewolf thing."

"Hard to get excited over someone without a personality."

"Explains why Buffy dumped me," Riley said.

"Am I allowed to laugh at that or will you hurt me?" Xander asked.

"You can laugh," Riley said.

"Hey, Oz, come on. Woah. Nice. Graham?"

"Devon."

There was silence while Devon and Graham sized each other up. Oz wasn't sure what they were doing or why. Then Devon said, "Come on, Oz, can't keep our adoring public waiting," and he went back onstage.

After the second set, when they were packing the van, Devon said, "He's gorgeous. Fuck him," and kissed Oz's cheek. Oz, amazed as always at Devon's complete clarity of vision despite Devon's utter cluelessness, was glad that Graham had Devon's complete seal of approval. Devon was his best friend. If Devon said to go for it, he'd go for it.

When he went back into the Bronze, Riley and Xander were leaving. That left him alone with Graham, who suggested that they move to a less teenaged venue. The two of them unloaded the van and went to a coffee shop. Picking a back corner booth, Oz ordered his coffee black; Graham ordered milk.

"Milk," the waitress repeated.

"Milk please," Graham amended.

"Milk," she said, and left them.

Oz decided, not for the first time, that Graham had lovely eyes.

Oz drank his black coffee, and Graham drank his milk, and they talked. Oz was much more into conversation on a one-on-one level than as a group, and Graham seemed to be as well. They had more in common now than before, and knew each other better, so they could speak more easily.

With Willow, Oz always had felt a protective streak. She was young and innocent and female - - okay, so that was sexist, but still, there was something in Willow that had brought out his protective side. Graham was older and bigger and stronger and harder, masculine, experienced.

But while Willow had come a long way since Oz'd first known her, had grown up and come into her own, Graham was just coming into his own now. He'd had a life all mapped out and firmly set, and then everything had turned upside-down, leaving Graham stranded and anchorless. Graham was trying to sort out his life and his head, and while Oz believed that helping Buffy was going to be a good thing for Graham, he still had a long way to go.

So Graham was, maybe, psychologically, a little lost. Oz could empathize. He'd gone through the "hey I'm a werewolf" thing, and then the "hey I just killed a girl and ate her heart and, oh, yeah, cheated on my girlfriend" thing, and a lot of things in between. He could understand the world turning on end without warning.

He knew it had to be tough for Graham, who was used to order and structure, who'd truly been part of something and believed in it. He knew that Graham had to work through these problems, but surely it wouldn't hurt if he...helped a little. On the level of emotional support.

Since when did Marines drink milk in a coffee bar with bisexual guitarists at three a.m. on a Saturday morning? That wasn't in the brochure, was it?

Of course, Graham probably didn't know that Oz was bi. Or maybe he did. It was still sort of news to Oz, anyway.

They went back to their apartment. Riley's door was closed, and the light was off, and all was still. Oz dropped onto the sofa. Graham sat on the floor in front of the sofa, back to Oz, stretching out his arms momentarily before resting his forearms on raised knees. "Tell me about Buffy and guys."

"Which guys?"

"There was Angel. Then Parker, but he shouldn't count. Then Riley."

"That's about it."

"I think she wants me."

Oz had to put his hand to his chest to make sure that his heart was still beating.

"Not in an Angel way. Just in a female-male sexual awareness way." Graham tipped his chin back, resting the back of his head on the sofa by Oz's knee. He closed his eyes. "That's really not what I need right now."

"You don't want her?"

"I don't think she's my type. I think I respect her. But there's too much resentment there for me to want her."

"The Initiative."

"The Initiative. It's not fair to blame her for ruining my life, but it's tempting. And she royally screwed with Riley."

Graham was too close and too pretty. Oz reached out and ran his fingertips across Graham's forehead. "You like Riley."

"He's my best friend. For a little while, he was all I had."

"Now?" He traced Graham's eyebrows.

"I have work. And spending my free nights staking vampires. And I think I might be making friends."

"Friends?" Graham had the best cheekbones ever this side of Spike.

"You and Xander."

"Are we friends?"

"I don't know."

He ran his fingers over Graham's jaw, along it, under it. "Are you afraid of me?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"You're a werewolf."

"I am." It lived inside of him. He couldn't deny it, and he wouldn't try.

"Oz?"

"Graham."

"You want me, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not gay."

"I know." Graham's skin was smooth, almost like silk, except where there was the pleasing burn of stubble against Oz's fingertips.

Graham sighed softly. "I'm so fucked up."

"I don't think so."

"I feel fucked up."

"Doesn't mean you are."

"Since when?"

Graham's lower lip was soft beneath his thumb. "You feel lost and frustrated and bitter. But you're finding your way."

"My way to what?"

"To you." Soft sensitive skin behind Graham's earlobe. "To me." He leaned down, pressing his lips to Graham's forehead. His other hand, which had been resting on one of Graham's strong shoulders, slid down underneath the neckline of Graham's shirt, down over Graham's chest, hard muscle under smooth skin like silk.

"Maybe you're the one who's fucked up."

"Maybe." His hand slid up again, pulled free; he sat back against the arm of the sofa.

"God, I have that stupid meeting tomorrow morning. This morning."

"When?"

"Eight o'clock. Four hours from now. Is it better to sleep for three hours or just to stay awake and crash later?"

"Stay awake."

"And do what?"

"Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything." And Oz sat there, keeping his hands to himself, while Graham talked to him. Eventually Graham joined him on the sofa; later, they were both sitting on the floor. Then Graham went to shower and Oz made breakfast. When Graham left, Oz brushed his teeth and crawled into bed naked, falling asleep with one hand curled around his hard dick.

When Oz wakened, the apartment was quiet. He showered, dressed, and finished the fried rice from...from wow, eating something that old was courting death. Riley and Xander were gone. Graham was...

...in bed. Asleep, door open, lying on one side, one naked shoulder exposed from the covers.

It was wrong to watch someone who was asleep. Graham was vulnerable and had no idea that he was watching. He stayed in the doorway, not venturing any closer.

Time passed. Graham was a still sleeper for the most part, only rolling over twice. When the alarm went off Graham smacked it silent immediately. Oz heard a grumbling noise. Then Graham rolled to the floor and started push-ups. He wore boxers and a T-shirt, so Oz couldn't enjoy the flex of his back muscles, but it was fun to watch anyway. Then Graham rolled over and did stomach crunches. Finally he stood. "Oz." Surprised, but only mildly.

Oz nodded.

"I'm starving." Graham stripped to the waist, then redressed. "Riley around?"

"No."

"Have you eaten?"

"You could call it that."

"Feel like trying again?"

"Sure."

The jilted trio, which needed a new name, continued to patrol as a unit. Willow and Tara patrolled with Buffy half of the time, and Graham went out with her for the other half. Buffy and Graham were alone together for hours on end, therefore, in a high-adrenaline environment. And Buffy was used to doing this work with Angel, or Riley. And, of course, Graham was good at this work and gorgeous to boot. So no one was surprised when Buffy started to warm up to him.

One night, when unidentified green lizards started to walk around Sunnydale, Giles decided that a Quigon demon was in the neighborhood. Giles, Willow, and Tara would stay in Giles' shop and perform fun magic acts while Buffy, Riley, Graham, Xander, and Oz went to try to kill the demon. Giles called out ingredients from his spellbook while Willow and Tara searched his shop for said ingredients while the other five picked up their attack gear.

"Oh, dear."

"Deer, deer," Willow murmured, looking over the shelves.

"No," Giles said.

"Good, because we don't have any," Willow said.

"No, Willow, I meant...we need the blood of a virgin."

"Ha!" Xander exclaimed.

"You're not a virgin," Riley said. "I'm pretty sure of it."

"Hence the 'ha,'" Xander said. "You would think that I would be. But there's Faith, and Anya, and some people over my long lost summer that I'm not going to talk about, and there's Riley, and since I"ve been with Riley I don't think I have any virginity left to lose."

"So, what, we just go out on the street and ask people if they're virgins?" Buffy asked.

"Would I qualify?" Tara asked hesitantly. "I've never...with a...boy."

"Thank you," Giles said, "but no, I'm afraid not."

"How much blood?" Graham asked.

"Does that make a difference?" Buffy asked.

"To the virgin, probably it does," Giles said. "Just a few drops should do it."

"Could you make a spell and give me back my virginity?" Xander asked.

"You want to be a virgin?" Willow asked.

"It was so much fun losing my virginity, I wouldn't mind doing it again."

"With Faith?" Willow asked.

"Oh, god no. That performance does not bear repeating."

"Then...oh." Willow turned pink and smiled at Riley. Riley turned pink and averted his gaze.

"Touching," Buffy said. "And I mean that. But we're still short one virgin."

"You can have my blood," Graham said.

"Excuse me?" Xander asked.

"Graham?" Giles asked.

"I know you're not a virgin," Xander said.

"Woah," Buffy said.

Graham pushed up his shirt sleeve. "We're wasting time."

"An explanation still might be in order," Xander said.

"Graham's a virgin," Riley said.

"Okay. Still not getting why," Xander said.

Meanwhile, Giles was getting out his medical kit to draw blood, and Graham was waiting with grim determination - - not a new look for Graham, that one.

"He's never had sex," Riley explained to Xander.

"You knew this?" Buffy asked.

"He's my best friend," Riley said. "Guys talk about sex all of the time. When a guy doesn't talk about sex, you know something's going on. Or not going on."

"But why hasn't he had sex?" Xander asked. "Is it a religious thing? Was he frightened by woman parts when he was younger? Does his...body part...not function?"

"His body parts are fine," Riley said.

"How would you know?" Xander asked, suspicious.

"Graham's impotent?" Buffy asked. "God, I so did not say that out loud."

"Not in front of him, either," Riley said. "Xander. I don't know from personal experience. It's just a guess."

"It better be," Xander said.

"So he's not," Buffy said. "Just to clarify."

"He's right here, for heaven's sake," Giles said. "Willow, please put this," handing over a vial of blood, "with the other ingredients. Graham, keep your arm elevated. Then you'll need to eat and drink something, keep up your blood sugar. Then I want you all to go off and slay the Quigon, all right?"

"Gotcha," Buffy said.

"Are you?" Xander asked Graham.

"Am I what?" Graham asked.

"I figure you have to be a virgin, or you wouldn't have volunteered your blood, because that would really mess up the spell stuff. Are you impotent?" Xander asked.

"You do know that if you say that word too often, it starts to affect your performance," Graham said.

Xander clapped his hand over his mouth and almost put the other over his groin.

Graham winked.

"You're a bad bad man," Xander accused, dropping his hand. "Are you?"

"Bad? I don't think so. I thought that we were fighting on the side of goodness."

"Xander, I'm sure that he isn't," Buffy said. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. If he were. But he's not. Not that it matters. I mean, I don't care. Not that I don't care. I just... Can we go kill something now?"

"How do you define virginity, anyway?" Willow asked. "There are lots of different things that different people do."

"So maybe, depending on what he's done, Graham's blood won't count?" Xander asked.

"Must we go through a discussion of various explicit sexual acts?" Giles asked. "I'd really not expected to hold this conversation tonight."

"We need to know if his blood counts," Buffy said.

"It's good virgin blood," Graham said. "It'll work fine."

"Are you sure?" Xander asked.

"It is a concern," Giles admitted reluctantly, looking at Graham with, well, concern.

"Trust me," Graham said. "There's no question."

They went out and slayed the Quigon. Then they went home and showered off Quigon goop, which was mixed in with long, thin hairs from the demon's hide. Oz definitely preferred vampires; they just had dust, which usually could be avoided if you jumped back in time.

He went to Graham's room. Graham was clean, wearing only light gray sweatpants, pulling off the little bandage from the drawn blood. Riley and Xander were in Riley's room behind the closed door.

"Hey," Graham said, tossing the bandage in the trash can.

"Thanks for giving blood for the cause."

"Just doing my part."

"Why are you a virgin?"

"It never felt right. I have sexual urges - - strong sexual urges. Take a regular young man's horniness, then multiply that by what the Initiative did to make us stronger and more aggressive. But it never felt right."

"You've never given a woman pleasure?"

"Never."

"You've never let anyone give you pleasure?"

Graham shook his head.

"It felt right with Willow. Everything was right with Willow."

"You didn't lose your virginity with her."

"First love. Made it feel like the first time. I miss that."

"What?"

"Being a part of something more than myself."

"You're so strong on your own..."

"People who aren't okay on their own need to be part of something. But people who are strong on their own, who can stand by themselves, when they join a larger cause, it makes them even stronger. And it strengthens the cause."

"I needed the Initiative. I still need something."

"You're learning to stand by yourself. You aren't ready to join anything else."

"I've joined the slayer in-group."

"Not really. You're not one of them yet."

"One of them. You're not a part of it either?"

"There's only so much of me to go around. I'm conserving myself."

"For what?"

"You."

There was a silence. Finally, Graham said, "I don't know what to do about you."

"Don't do anything."

"I like you. I really do. I want to be your friend."

"You can be my friend."

"But you want me and I feel... I feel like I'm leading you on."

"You're not."

"I feel pressured. Pressured to...do something for you."

"Don't."

"I thought that people lusting after an unrequited love were supposed to be pathetic and desperate. But you're so strong and self-possessed. And I feel like I'm the weak one."

"You're not weak. Not in anything. You're learning who Graham Miller is when he's only being Graham Miller. You're making your own choices."

"Then I choose to be your friend."

"I'm still a werewolf."

"I'm still afraid of you."

"Then we can't be friends."

"Then you'll have to stop being a werewolf."

"I can't."

"Then I'll have to stop being afraid."

The Dingoes played at the Bronze. This time when Oz left the stage between sets, he found the entire gang (except Giles) sitting together in the back on the sofas. Tara, Willow, and Xander were on one sofa, Riley was on a stool at Xander's side, and Buffy and Graham were on the other sofa. Oz gave his greeting, and they congratulated him on his performance, and he wiped off some sweat, and Willow gave him a quick, heartfelt, sympathetic look.

So she knew. He didn't know how she knew, but he was touched by her sympathy. He gave her a small smile in return.

He felt odd and intrusive, briefly. There was a couple, and there was a couple, and there were Buffy and Graham on the sofa together. They looked good together. Two people that physically attractive couldn't possibly look bad together. Besides which, they were pure and strong and attractive in other, non-physical ways. They would have made a good couple.

After the second set, Devon said, "Gotta keep Buffy from getting with your man, Oz. You tell her, Slayer or not, she's gotta respect what's yours."

Of course Graham wasn't his, in any respect. And he had no call to tell Buffy not to flirt with Graham, or not to do anything else with Graham. He loaded the van and went back inside to see if anyone was still there.

They all were still there. Willow and Tara were saying their good-byes. Buffy said, "I should go out on patrol. Graham, you want to come with me?"

"Oh, sorry. Oz and I have this post-show tradition," Graham said.

"You do," she said.

"It's pretty sacred," Graham said. "But I'm sure that Riley and Xander can postpone their plans and go patrolling. Isn't that right, Riley?"

"That's right," Riley said. "I'd be happy to rid the earth of demons tonight."

"Great," Buffy said. "Let's go...do that. See you guys later."

Once he was alone with Graham, heading for the van, Oz said, "Sacred?"

"In its own way," Graham said.

"Everything's sacred in its own way," Oz said.

"And here I thought you said you weren't into drugs."

"Well, I was into cough syrup for a week back in the eighth grade."

"You were."

"I had a nasty cold. So I could be having flashbacks."

"Cough syrup flashbacks."

"It was strong stuff. Of course, it was children's cough syrup."

"Children's cough syrup in eighth grade?"

"We're talking about me. Eighth grade Oz is not the size of eighth grade Riley."

"Right. What were we talking about?"

"How sacred this tradition is."

"It isn't, really. But it is a tradition."

"Are you here because you'd rather be with me than with Buffy, or because you'd rather sit in a cafe and drink milk than risk your life battling the supernatural forces of darkness?"

"Both."

Giles felt that Graham had enough experience. Who went patrolling still counted on who wasn't busy studying for a chem exam or who didn't have to work, but when Graham went out on patrol, he went with Oz. Now it was Oz who walked alone at night with Graham.

"Werewolves?" Riley asked.

"I'm sure of it," Buffy said.

"They're in packs?" Willow asked. "What happened to the lone wolf?"

"I knew something was different," Oz said. "I could feel it."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Graham asked.

"I didn't know what it was." The wolf was a unique experience. Oz wasn't comfortable telling Graham all about it, and Graham had been the only one with him on wolf-watch last night to tell.

"How many were in this pack?" Giles asked.

"It sounds like a lot," Buffy said. "Five?"

"So not good," Xander said.

"We'll need all of the manpower we can get," Giles said. "We'll all have to be out tonight. Oz, I'm afraid that we can't spare someone to stay with you."

Oz nodded. "Just chain me up before you go."

"Chain you up?" Graham asked. "We're not chaining you up."

"Graham, I'm afraid that we must," Giles said. "If Oz were to turn while unsupervised-"

"He's not going to turn. He hasn't and he won't. Now you said that we need everyone out there tonight. Why can't Oz come with us?" Graham asked.

"Taking Oz outside under the full moon in a dangerous situation with other werewolves about is begging for trouble," Giles said. "We can't risk it."

"That's not our decision," Graham said.

"It's my decision," Oz agreed. "Giles is right."

"You don't trust yourself?" Graham asked.

"Not about this."

"That's bullshit," Graham said. "How are you ever going to know if you can live with this thing if you won't go out there and work at it? And I don't care what you do, I am not going to go out tonight and leave you here alone chained and caged like a fucking animal - - you are not an animal."

"There's an animal inside me. It's part of me."

"Then accept it and use it. If we're searching for werewolves, you'll be able to help us find them. You said that you felt something - - you were feeling them. You can take us to them, we can stop them before they hurt other people."

"What's our policy here?" Buffy asked. "Capture or kill?"

"I'd like to be able to subdue them without causing death," Giles said. "But if five of them appear in a pack at once, we can only assume that they know what they are and they're traveling together. At the very least what they're doing is unconscionable."

"So we load up on tranqs," Buffy said. "Oz, are you coming with us tonight?"

"Save a few of those darts for me," Oz said. "Let's go beg for trouble."

Buffy, Riley, and Graham had the tranquilizer guns. Xander and Giles were carrying crossbows just in case. Willow and Tara were discussing with Giles which spells might work best. And Oz led the pack, letting instinct guide him. He slowed. "We're close." He sniffed. "Very close." They moved on, into the woods, and he stopped. "Here. Now."

The attack came.

Seven ferocious beasts came from the darkness. It was dark, and there was confusion, and everything happened so fast, so fast... And Graham's gun jammed, and a werewolf was on him, and Oz felt himself changing - - and then he was there, protecting what was his, dispatching the threat. Violence and blood and fury, and then he stood over Graham, and he smelled Graham's fear, and he gave a low, menacing snarl to warn any who would dare to come near.

Then Riley shot him.

Oz wakened beneath a blanket, curled up naked on a mat in the back room of Giles' shop. He wasn't in the werewolf holding room, but in the workout room.

"Good, good morning. I'll go tell Giles you're awake." Tara left.

There were some clothes, his clothes, lying nearby on the floor. He pulled on the boxers, sweatpants, and T-shirt, then ran his hands over his hair and sat on the floor, holding his knees to his chest.

"How are you feeling?" Giles asked, coming into the room.

"Was anyone else killed?"

"One other," Giles said. "The other five are resting in the other room. Would you like to see them?"

He shook his head.

"Oz." Giles crouched before him. "You must understand that you did the right thing. You saved Graham's life."

"Do you know who I killed?"

"We won't know until the others wake up and can talk to us."

"I did it on purpose. I did it on purpose."

"It was the right thing to do. Are you sure, Oz? You may not have been able to control it, given the circumstances. You were under attack, we all were. There was a full moon, seven other werewolves were there, adrenaline was high, the fight or flight instinct kicked in, and someone you...someone you care about was under direct threat. You, conscious Oz, wanted to save him. And the werewolf in you... I don't pretend to speak for the werewolf in you, but I'm sure that he would not have allowed you to keep him from saving his own. If your human form couldn't save Graham, the werewolf in you could. And did. You did the right thing, Oz. And so did your other half. It was the only thing you could have done."

"What would have happened if I hadn't been stopped?"

"If Riley hadn't shot you? I imagine that you would have waited until you were sure that Graham was safe. Then, once the situation was calmer, perhaps you would have turned back to Oz. Even if you hadn't, I think that you would have been fine. As long as Graham was there for you to protect, everyone else was safe."

"I would have stayed by him."

"Yes."

"I turned on Willow. Before."

"Yes."

"I'd like to be alone."

"All right."

About three hours later, there was a knock at the door; Willow entered. "Oz," she said, coming over and kneeling down and embracing him. She said his name again, softly, with sorrow and sympathy, pulling back to look into his face.

"I killed Veruca for her sake. Last night was for Graham."

"I know."

"I don't know which is worse."

"You weren't in control back then. Last night was...Oz, you're not going to leave again, are you? Like last time?"

"I'm not strong enough to leave him."

"Maybe you're strong enough to stay."

"Do you know...who I killed?"

She nodded. "Their leader. They're just our age, younger. He was thirty, his name was Mark Smithbauer. He doesn't have a wife or kids or anyone. Every month the seven of them just pick a direction, drive two hours, stop, and wait for the moon."

"I need to go home."

"Graham wanted to stay. He did. But Giles and Riley and Buffy made him go. So he might be at the apartment."

"All three of them?"

"It took all three to keep him from staying in here with you." They stood. "Are you coming back tonight? You don't have to see the others, just..."

He nodded. "Thanks, Willow." He drove home on automatic pilot and went to the apartment. Riley and Graham were sitting on the sofa.

Riley stood quickly. "Oz."

He nodded.

"Sit down, Riley," Graham muttered. Riley sat.

Oz showered. He slept. He stared at the walls.

Xander came to the doorway. "It's getting late. You going over to Giles's?"

"No," he said, and rolled to his other side.

There were voices. He closed out the words but kept the sounds: Riley and Graham, arguing. Xander trying to intervene. A door slamming. Riley shouting to be heard through the door. Xander again. Quiet. A door opening. Calm conversation, tones of negotiation then agreement. Graham came into Oz's room and closed the door.

Lying on his bed, Oz watched through the window as the moon rose.

Xander knocked at the door; Graham set the bag from McDonald's on the bed at Oz's side. Oz rolled over and sat up and ate, not for the food's sake but to keep the smell from interfering with Graham's scent.

Graham sat on the foot of the bed.

Oz crumpled the bag and tossed it to the trash can.

"What would have happened if Riley hadn't shot you?" Graham asked.

"I would've protected you. And you were afraid, so I would've comforted you."

"Comforted me?"

"Tried to reassure you through affection. Which would have scared you more, which would have confused me, so I would have tried harder."

Silence.

Graham moved closer, crawling up the bed a bit.

"What are you doing?"

"Comforting you." Graham pulled Oz closer, into his lap and against his body, against his broad chest, between his thighs, his arms around Oz.

"I'm not afraid."

"I am."

"Then I should comfort you."

"You're not afraid?"

Oz turned his face to Graham's neck. "Not anymore." So close, so good. Something inside him was growling softly with pleasure; he suppressed the urge to growl himself.

Graham's arms tightened and Graham shifted to get more comfortable. "What happened last night?"

"I protected my own."

"Just me."

"Yeah."

"Consciously?"

"The wolf and I were in agreement."

"He likes me, too?"

"You smell good."

"Are you purring?"

"Sorry. It's more of a tiny growl."

"Is that you or the wolf?"

"Hard to say." His dick was swelling. His fingers sought the satin of skin over Graham's ribs beneath Graham's shirt. He caught the slight scent of fear and opened his mouth, licking along the side of Graham's neck. Sshhh, sshhh, don't be scared, it's okay, I'll keep you safe, and he twisted, up on his knees between Graham's thighs, pushing Graham back, mouth on Graham's neck, riding Graham's body down to the mattress. As he pushed up Graham's shirt he made soft, soothing noises. His mouth found Graham's nipple, lips closing over it, tongue rubbing at the hard point, teeth closing over it. Sshhh, sshhh, don't be scared, I'll protect you, and he stroked Graham's shivering torso. He brought one knee over, astride Graham's thigh, rubbing himself against Graham there.

It wasn't working. He didn't understand. He moved up and peered down into Graham's face. He kissed across Graham's forehead, licked up Graham's cheekbones, made love to Graham's strong jaw. Sshhh, sshhh, he nuzzled Graham's neck and tasted the sensitive skin behind Graham's ear. Better? Was this better? He sucked on Graham's earlobe, licked Graham's ear. This was better. Down onto Graham's neck. He wanted Graham's shoulders, but there was material in the way. Frustrated, he moved down to Graham's nipples. This was better. Graham was quiet now. He couldn't scent fear any more.

What was that? Oh...yes...lust, arousal, slowly simmering. That was what Graham wanted? He could do that. Just one more minute with these pretty nipples.

Oz kissed and caressed his way down Graham's torso, licking over the delineations of Graham's abdomen, lapping at Graham's navel. Here it was, and the scent of it made Oz's head swim. He tugged and pulled until the offending material was out of his way. Yes. Good. He spread Graham's thighs further and buried his nose in the rich sweet dark smell, mouthing Graham's balls.

There was a new smell now, and he went to investigate. Look at that. He lapped at it, licking it up, and more drooled out of the slit. He wanted more. He licked and sucked all over Graham's cock, the shaft, the head, and took the head into his mouth, suckling, impatient. Then he got a lot more, spurting and flooding. When no more came, he let go and licked his lips. He curled up with his head resting on Graham's warm abdomen, eyes closing.

Oz awakened alone.

He went to the bathroom and vomited.

Feeling no better after a shower, too psychologically filthy for a bar of soap to matter, Oz didn't know where to go. He couldn't go near his bedroom, not now, and he didn't want to be in the living room, exposed, in the open. So he was standing in the kitchen entryway when Xander approached him.

"Hey. So. I'm guessing that I missed something, because Graham took off like a bat out of hell and you were making throwing up sounds. Not my business, but..."

"I raped him."

Xander's dark eyes went wide. His mouth moved but no sounds emerged. "Rape? You raped him? Wait, wait, wait. No. Wait. You raped him. You Oz. Oz. You're the last person ever who would... You... And... He's like commando guy, he kicks butt for a living, there's no way, even if you had a gun he would've gotten out of there. Whatever happened, it's not like... If he didn't want it, it wouldn't have happened."

"He was afraid, he was terrified. I'm a werewolf, Xander. He thought I was going to..."

"He thought? And did he happen to tell you this?"

"It's obvious."

"I'll admit that Graham's not the most complex person ever, but you don't know what he's thinking. Oz, come on, you'd never do that. To Graham? The one you ate somebody to protect?"

Oz shook his head.

"Oz. We all know the deal. Rape is about power and control and violence. Rape is if he says no."

"I didn't give him the chance to say no. His entire body was screaming it."

"Did you turn? Even a little?"

"No. Not physically."

"But the wolf's in your head?"

"I don't know what the fuck's in my head," he snapped, starting to push past Xander.

"Hey, Oz, calm down," Xander said, holding onto his elbow. "This isn't you."

"Who am I?" he demanded. He heard the door; his nostrils flared. His back was to the door, but he knew who'd returned.

Xander's eyes flickered. "I'll be in my room." He let go of Oz and went to his room, closing the door.

Oz forced himself to turn, to look.

"You look like shit."

His cool was gone. His confidence was shot. His calm was shattered.

Graham was walking closer. Stopped right in front of him, scratched his shoulder in what Oz now recognized as a nervous gesture. "Am I supposed to yell at you or apologize?"

Apologize? Apologize?

"I don't... I don't know what happened. I mean I do, I just... Am I stupid? Is it my fault? Yours? Both? Say something. Damn it, Oz, say something!"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling hot tears in his eyes. He was not going to cry. He didn't have the right.

Graham was quiet. "I'm sorry, too." His eyes looked soft. His fingertips were gentle against Oz's temple. Then he was gone again.

Oz packed up what he needed most as quickly as he could, loaded himself up like a pack mule, and left.

Devon asked a few questions, then stopped when he didn't give any answers.

Then he was in Devon's fridge, trying to find an apple that wouldn't qualify for an apple nursing home, when someone knocked at the door. Devon went to get it.

"Hello." Devon's "well, isn't this interesting?" voice.

"Devon." Oz's heart rolled over painfully. "Is Oz here?"

"Oz?" Devon's voice was raised. "Are you here?"

Oz closed the refrigerator slowly and walked blindly towards the door. He forced himself to raise his eyes: Graham, more beautiful, stronger, even than he remembered. That shade of red did wonderful things for Graham's cheekbones.

"Can we have a minute?" Graham asked Devon. "Alone?"

"This is my apartment," Devon said.

"Dev," Oz said softly, keeping his gaze trained around about Graham's collarbone.

"Whatever." Devon wandered off to the bedroom.

Graham entered, closing the door. "Tell me you didn't take off because of me. This is just some thing where you're spending time writing music or something."

"I'll have my stuff out tonight."

"Out? You're moving out?"

Graham seemed to want an answer. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I won't come to your class anymore. And I'll...I'll...tell Buffy that I can't..." He had to get himself together. "I'll tell Buffy that I can't help out anymore."

"Help out? Help out. Oz, you're part of the group, you save the world from evil on a daily basis, they need you. We need you. You can't just take off like this. You're moving out - - are you going someplace or do you just really like Devon's couch?"

"I can't live with you and work with you every day, and you-"

"I told you I'm sorry! What else am I supposed to do?"

"I raped you!" Oz shouted.

"What?!" Graham and Devon asked.

"Can we not do this with an audience?" Graham demanded. The bedroom door closed. "Oz. What do you...I know what you mean, but you didn't. It wasn't... It was the situation. If we're handing out blame, I get some, too."

"I raped you."

"You saved my life. You had to kill someone to do it. That's traumatic for anybody. I know you want me, and I know you...have feelings for me. I wanted to help, I wanted to... So maybe climbing onto your bed and holding you wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. And I should have...when you...I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure what you were going to do."

"I raped you."

"It wasn't rape. I don't know what to call it. Sex, I guess. We had sex."

"I raped you."

"Would you stop saying that? You didn't rape me. And you're not moving out, either. And you're not quitting my classes or leaving the group. We're friends. I'm not afraid of you anymore."

He met Graham's gaze. "You're not?"

"No. You've never hurt me and you won't. I kind of get the idea that you're more interested in doing whatever you can to keep me from getting hurt."

"I raped you." He said it, looking right into Graham's eyes.

"You did not rape me." Graham said it, looking right into his eyes. "I don't know if it was making love or just a blow job or what, but it wasn't rape. Now get your stuff and let's go."

He moved back into the apartment. He did drop Graham's class. And when they went out on patrol, he managed to go on nights when Graham was working or, if they were both there, he went with Buffy or Riley instead.

And on Friday nights when the Dingoes played at the Bronze, he found himself in a cafe with Graham afterward, drinking black coffee and remembering the taste of Graham's stubble.

Then there was a nest of Bakelemirt demons, and they all went out together, and Graham saved his ass all in a day's work. Then Graham got hurt, and Buffy and Riley went into full concerned-and-fussing mode. Graham made them back off and asked Oz for a ride to the hospital.

A few stitches later, Oz and Graham returned to the apartment. Riley came out of the bedroom and made sure that Graham was all right, then went back to bed. Graham and Oz settled on the sofa.

"You okay?" Oz asked.

"This week sucks."

"Sorry."

Graham sighed, then gave in and moaned, closing his eyes, tipping his head back against the back of the sofa.

There was an answering moan from Riley's bedroom.

Graham chuckled. "At least someone's having a good night."

"We saved the world."

"Yeah, but we did that last week, too, and the week before."

"For a change next week, we should let the world go to hell?"

"Sure. Add some variety to our lives. Do something different."

"I'll mention it to Giles."

"But if we take next week off, it would give us some free time, and then Buffy would ask me out."

"She hasn't already?"

"She's tried."

"You don't like her?"

"I like her. I just don't want to date her."

"Why not?" It was a fair question.

"I'd rather be with you."

"You can have friends and a girlfriend."

"Girlfriend means making out, even sex, and every time I try to picture myself getting it on with somebody, the somebody always turns into you."

"Oh."

"Which could just be because the only person I've ever been with is you."

That was true.

"So maybe I should go out with Buffy."

Maybe.

"Or maybe I should go out with you."

Maybe.

Larry invited Xander to a club outside of Sunnydale where a lot of gay men went. Xander invited Riley. Then Xander invited Oz.

"I'm not going," Riley said.

"Yes you are," Xander said.

"You can go without me."

"Then I'll look available, single and available. You sure you want me to go to a gay bar looking single and available?"

"If you were anyone else, I wouldn't be worried," Riley said. "But..."

"That's me, Xander Harris, trouble magnet. So you have to come."

"You don't have to go. We could go somewhere else."

"We've been everywhere else. We're in Sunnydale. There's nowhere to go."

"We could stay home."

"Why don't we try the exciting and fun idea of going out before spending all night in bed?"

"We go out all of the-"

"On patrol. Killing vampires is only foreplay if you're Buffy, and I'm not."

"We-"

"Riley. I'm ready, Oz is ready, we're leaving. Please come with - - whoa."

Oz's eyes were having way too much fun tonight. His hands were tempted to join the party.

"If everybody else is going, I'm going, too," Graham said.

"Why don't you dress like that?" Xander asked Riley.

"Why don't you?" Riley retorted. "You sure?" he asked Graham.

"I thought you were straight," Xander told Graham.

"Doesn't mean I can't see how the other half lives. Besides, you're all-"

"Gay, bi, and Oz," Xander said.

"Right. If all of my friends are...I might as well learn the culture."

"At least I'll have back-up keeping everybody's hands off of Xander," Riley said. "Let's go."

Larry, Xander, Riley, and Graham in a gay bar. Oz was having a decidedly interesting night.

Larry knew many of the patrons. Many of the patrons wanted to meet Larry's friends. Very early in the evening, Riley took a propieterial edge, using body language, narrowed eyes, and his size to warn people that Xander Was Taken. Xander, of course, was oblivious to the intent of everyone's friendliness.

Graham, it would seem, simply wanted to be there, to watch everyone else, but several of the men in the bar were more interested in getting Graham to be a little more...active. Participatory. Finally Graham gave in and agreed to one dance, one dance only. With Xander. Riley gave Xander up for the moment, since Graham was safe.

Oz, Riley, Larry, and everyone else in the bar watched Graham and Xander's one dance.

"Damn," Larry said softly, with emphasis.

Finally, Riley got tired of keeping everyone away from Xander, and Graham got tired of people hitting on him, and Xander wanted to go home and have sex, so the four of them left.

Riley and Xander went to Riley's bedroom.

Graham and Oz went to Graham's bedroom. Oz sat on the bed and watched Graham change. Black leather and cotton gone, in a T-shirt and boxers, Graham sat beside Oz. "Never doing that again."

"The clothes or the bar?"

"Both."

Silence.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I don't have the right to be."

"But you are."

"Did you have sex with her?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Hurting you."

"It's my problem."

"How did you know?"

"She smelled like you."

"Shit."

"Are you going to do it again?"

"No."

Oz leaned back until he was lying down, staring at the ceiling. Graham, at his side, did the same.

"Devon talked to me."

"About what?"

"You. He came to the gym. He said that you're in love with me."

"Not a subtle man."

"Are you?"

"Subtle?"

"In love with me."

"Yes."

"Tomorrow's the night before the full moon."

"Yes."

"We've never kissed."

"No."

"Maybe we should."

"Maybe." Maybe not.

The moon was full in the darkness. Graham and Oz were sitting in Giles' back room, the cage available just in case, the tranquilizer gun loaded, playing Chutes and Ladders. Giles checked in on them and went back to doing inventory. Oz won, leaned across the board, and pressed his lips to Graham's. He sat back again.

Graham looked puzzled. Licked his lips.

Oz started the next game.

Graham won. Leaned across the board. Brushed a soft kiss over Oz's lips, another, another, until Oz put a hand on the back of his neck and held him still, teeth tugging at his lower lip, opening his mouth for Oz's tongue.

Graham's mouth was hot and wet. Kissing a guy was different from kissing a girl. A little more thorough, maybe, or more equal? The concept was obvious but difficult to hold onto, and Oz was too busy kissing to think about it. Graham's tongue was making him dizzy, anyway.

"Does that door lock?" Graham asked.

"Yes."

"Can we do this?"

"Yes." Whatever "this" was, they were doing it. Oz was all for it.

Questions. Always questions. Was Graham doing this on the night of the full moon for a reason, to prove something? To prove something to which one of them? Was Graham going to ask for things and not give them back to Oz? Was he willing to give to Graham and not receive anything in return? If he was, what did that say about him? Did Graham always kiss this well?

The floor was cold and hard at Oz's back, and Graham was warm and strong over him. While he pet the spikes of Graham's hair with one hand, his other hand rubbed and stroked down Graham's back, exploring muscle and bone through Graham's sweatshirt. Okay, clothes in the way, he wanted skin now.

Oz wasn't used to being on his back in this sort of situation. He'd always done this horizontal kissing thing with girls, and he'd been the one on top. It was new and interesting. Okay, it was slightly scary but in a good way, and exciting. Graham was bigger than he was, which was also new and different, also very exciting.

Graham sat up some, pulling him up, too. Then Graham's shirt came off over Graham's head, and while Oz was looking at half-naked Graham, Graham put the shirt on the floor. So when they laid down again, there was a bit of warm padding at Oz's back and a lot of half-naked Graham in front of him. This just got better and better. Since his mouth was busy with Graham's mouth, his hands ventured over shoulders, back, biceps, nipples.

He wasn't quite sure where the limits were. Could he grope Graham in other fun places? Graham was resting on one forearm, apparently trying not to squash him, and Graham's other hand was curled over his ribcage, rubbing up and down slowly. Sort of soothing, sort of maddening.

He could smell Graham's lust, arousal, sex. So thick he could almost taste it.

With a low growl, he pushed, rolling them over, on top of Graham now, astride. He scented a sharp spike of fear, followed by a deep spike of arousal. Licking into Graham's mouth, one hand on the floor for balance, he got his right hand between their bodies, between Graham's thighs, over the bulge. There was denim in the way, too much between them; he forced open the fly, reaching in for the heat and the damp and the hardness, so hard, so hot. Graham was making a repetitive, shocked sound into his mouth. He put his other hand down there, too, curling it around Graham's heat, and his floor-chilled palm made Graham gasp around his tongue.

He wanted to go down there, to taste Graham's sex once more, to flood himself with the scent. But that would mean leaving Graham's mouth, leaving Graham's kiss, and this kiss, it was so deep and sexy and complex that Oz wouldn't leave it, couldn't, no. So his left hand investigated Graham's balls and fingered back over Graham's perineum and tugged at Graham's pubic hair, and his right hand fisted over Graham's cock.

Graham sat up, leaning back on one hand, nibbling on his lower lip before licking his tongue, the hand on his shoulder sliding down his back and cupping over his ass. He rocked forward a little, as close as possible to Graham's heat, swallowing Graham's moans, so hard that his fingers were shaking.

The hand on his butt left him. His tongue swept Graham's mouth. Then the hand was in a new place, cupping a new thing. He growled and rubbed himself into Graham's hand, pushing against Graham's palm.

Distantly, he heard someone try the doorknob. Knock.

He growled.

Graham ducked away from their kiss. "It's okay," Graham called. "Hold on." Then, softly, wide-eyed, "Oh my god," and he came in long, hot pulses over Oz's hands.

Oz growled and pushed and licked, licked up white bitter-salt wherever he could find it. His own cock was throbbing and drooling in his pants, but he didn't care, that didn't matter, he wanted this, this taste, this feeling, and he licked semen off of Graham's nipple.

When morning came, they went home and slept in Graham's bed. When he wakened, Graham was licking his collarbone.

A special present for those of you who've read "Are We Friends?" Here is a banner from Lar. I like her other "Are We Friends?" banner better, but this one's too good not to put up somewhere.

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