A Lot to Learn

A Lot to Learn

Rating: R

Pairing: J.D./Todd

Disclaimer: "Scrubs," with its related characters and themes, does not belong to me. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Diamond, who made me watch "Scrubs" when I swore I didn't watch TV anymore.

Wherein they watch classic films, ESPN, and the History Channel.

Notice: I wrote this story under the impression that the main character's name was JD. Then I found out that it was J.D. I went through the whole thing and changed every instance of his name. Don't say that I never did anything for you.

"...got the widescreen edition," J.D. said. "And he's letting me borrow it! So make a date for tonight, man. You, me, the sofa-"

"Uh, J.D.," Turk said. "I kind of told The Todd that he could hang with us tonight."

J.D. put himself on pause. What?

"He didn't have any plans for tonight, and he kind of said, so I kind of said... He's coming over."

"But it's L. Awrence night," J.D. said. He knew that he sounded pathetic. He didn't care. It was L. Awrence night. Or it was supposed to be.

"The Todd got Hot Nurse Number Five's phone number," Todd said, walking up to them with pride. "All right!" He held up his hand for a high five.

Turk went through with it.

J.D. held up his hand, bracing himself. "Ouch," he whimpered when it was over. But wait. "You got her number? You should call her. Maybe she's not busy tonight."

"Tonight?" Todd asked. "Tonight, The Todd is spending quality time with the guys. Not these guys," he made a gesture like he was cupping his balls, "but these guys," and he pointed to Turk and J.D.

"Right," J.D. said. "Good. But maybe you should try to get a date tonight anyway. We're just going to be sitting around watching long, boring, old movies. You'd be a whole lot better off trying to score with a hot nurse."

"Hot Nurse Number Five told The Todd to call tomorrow. Tonight she's washing her hair. She wants to be clean for The Todd's call."

"That's great," J.D. said. "That's really just great." He glared at Turk.

Turk smiled and shrugged.

J.D. dragged Turk aside. "He's still here. Why is he still here? Why is he here again? Why was he ever here in the first place?"

"He wants to hang with us," Turk said.

Todd was on the sofa, cheering for the gunmen.

J.D. looked back to Turk. "Why is he here?"

"He thinks you're gay."

"What? Why? Why would he think that? What would-"

Turk looked at him.

J.D. stopped talking and thought about it. He looked back at Turk again. "Okay. But-"

"The whole hospital knows that you have a major case of hero worship for Dr. Cox, and you can't tell me there's nothing sexual about it. One of your favorite movies is L. Awrence, which has so many homoerotic undertones I-"

"It's a classic!"

"He thinks you're gay. I know you're gay."

"Bisexual," J.D. muttered.

"Gay and kidding yourself," Turk said. "He wants to have sex with you."

"What?!"

Todd looked over his shoulder.

J.D. forced a smile and gave Todd a big thumbs-up.

Todd grinned broadly and returned the thumbs-up, then went back to the movie.

J.D. dropped his hands and glared at Turk.

Turk tried to smile. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"What seemed like a good idea?" J.D. asked, ready to give Turk a beatdown. Or at least a really mean look.

"He asked me about you."

"What did he ask, what did you say in response to his asking, and how did he reply to your response to his asking?" J.D. asked, playing the inquisitor.

"You really shouldn't raise your eyebrows like that."

"I know." J.D. ran his hand over his forehead to smooth out the wrinkle lines.

"He asked if you were gay. I said no. He said that was too bad. I asked why."

J.D. crossed his arms over his chest. He was ready. He could take it.

"He said that he wanted to...have sex with you."

"What did he say?" J.D. asked.

"He said that he wanted to have sex with you."

"How did he phrase it?"

"Okay. He said that he could tell that you would have been the hottest fuck since he put his dick in-"

J.D. put his hand over Turk's mouth.

Turk gave him apologetic eyes.

J.D. lowered his hand.

"He wants you."

"That man has the worst case of hyperheterosexuality I've seen since Jean-Claude Van Damne. There is no way that he wants to get anywhere near a naked man unless it's a body on the table in the OR."

"That's what I thought. He wants you anyway."

"And your response to this is to invite him over at every possible moment?"

"Yes."

"Why would that be?"

"When was the last time you got laid? With a guy."

"I-"

"Don't try to bullshit your way out of it."

"I-"

"The summer before college," Turk said for him.

"It was an accident."

"I know, I know, his dick accidentally fell in your mouth."

"It was my dick in his mouth," J.D. said.

Turk grinned.

"Shit." How-

"You have to stop falling for that," Turk said.

"I know."

"Maybe you should just try The Todd."

"We work together. He can't keep his mouth shut. He calls himself The Todd. Everybody calls him The Todd! Do you really want me to experience the joy of calling out 'The Todd' during moments of ecstasy?"

"So you admit that you'd have moments of ecstasy with him."

"I admit - - shut up."

"He has a great body."

"So?"

"Great," Turk said.

"Again, I ask, so?"

"So think about it."

"I will not."

"He wants you. How many people can you say that about?"

"Dozens. Millions."

"None."

"A patient hit on me just this morning."

"She thought that her pet rat was the reincarnation of her late husband."

"That was one good-looking rat," J.D. said.

"Look. I'm your best friend."

"Yes, you are."

"I wouldn't bring The Todd into my home on my off hours unless it were for a good reason."

"True."

"Your future as a doctor, your entire life, would be jeopardized if you were outed. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't risk that for you."

"True."

"So maybe you should trust me."

"Maybe you should try to fix me up with someone a little less Neandarthic."

"You know, some people say that he's the most talented surgical intern we have."

"Who says that?"

"People."

"Name me one."

"That's not important."

J.D. could feel his eyes widening and his mouth stretching into a smile. "I know who! I know who! That's why you were so bummed! Oh my god!"

"Shut. Up."

A thought hit J.D. "Oh my god. The Todd? The Todd is the best surgical..."

They turned and looked. Todd was pretending to shoot an automatic weapon at the screen, along with the movie.

J.D. and Turk looked at each other.

"You need to study more," J.D. told Turk.

"If you ever bring it up again, I'll tell Dr. Cox that you did his ex."

"I don't want to bring it up again. I don't want to know that it's possible. I fear for the future of medical care in this country."

J.D. was off. Ah, the bliss of freedom. The bliss of a full refrigerator. He was starving.

He was starving and someone was knocking at the door. Who would dare to interrupt feeding time? Whoever it was had better be bearing groceries. J.D. opened the door.

"J.D.!"

"Todd," J.D. said slowly. This was interesting, in a bad and dreadful way.

"Dude, Turk told me to meet him here. You got anything to eat? The Todd is hungry, and not just for love."

Right. "Isn't Turk still working?"

"He told me to wait for him." Todd was inside the apartment and headed for the refrigerator.

"Help yourself," J.D. said. Turk had better show up in ten minutes or less.

An hour later, J.D. and Todd both had eaten and were relaxing on the couch, watching ESPN. J.D. shifted, trying to get comfortable. He smushed a throw pillow behind his back. That didn't help.

"Here, let me," Todd said, and climbed over the back of the couch to stand behind him. J.D. had no idea what Todd was doing; then he felt hands on his shoulders. "Let me give you a massage. You're so tense."

That line was straight out of "The Stupidest, Most Cliched Lines Ever, Volume One." J.D. was about to pull away and call Turk. But the whole massage thing was sort of beginning to feel kind of good. Women actually had tried to massage J.D.'s neck and shoulders before, but it hadn't been like this. Todd had very strong hands. This was actually working.

"You just relax and let The Todd take care of you," Todd said.

Okay.

"Your skin is so soft."

Todd's hands were on his shirt, not his skin. Besides, J.D. didn't know if he wanted soft skin. It sounded too girly. Not that he wanted to feel scaly. But...mmm, thinking was hard. He felt too loose to think. The muscles in his back were too relaxed to hold up his spine. He flopped his hand and ran into something. He didn't have the muscle control to move his head and look, so he flopped his hand a little bit more. A shoe. It was a sneaker. Oh. Todd's foot. Todd was sitting right behind him, on the back of the couch, feet on either side of him.

"Oh, sorry." Todd pulled off his sneakers and dropped them onto the floor. Thud, thud. The socks went next. J.D. had sort of expected Todd's feet to smell, but they didn't. No smelly feet here. J.D. rest his hand on the top of Todd's right foot. He felt like overcooked spaghetti inside.

One of the hands on JD's back guided him forward. A little push. He went forward, obeying the hand. And then Todd was behind him, sitting right there. If he leaned back, he would be leaning against Todd, but he didn't.

Todd's hands were at the small of his back now. At his waist. "You smell so pretty. Your hair is so soft. Your eyes-"

"Stop," J.D. said, waving a hand vaguely. "Just tell me what you want."

Todd hesitated. "Can I feel you up?"

"Okay." J.D. leaned back for it. Against JD's back, Todd felt as broad and hard as he looked, which spread warm-friendly happiness all through J.D.'s body.

Todd was unbuttoning J.D.'s shirt. J.D. knew that he was being a bad boy and doing bad things, and that this wasn't good for his career, and that if he wanted to be with a guy of the male persuasion it should be with someone a little more his type. But the shirt-unbuttoning led to touching, skin on skin touching, warm strong male hands on his body touching. He was being felt up. Like he was a girl. By a guy. His ribcage, his nipples, all of those parts. Both of the people involved were more than familiar with human anatomy, so it shouldn't have been that interesting, but that warm-friendly happiness in J.D.'s body was starting to become a heated throbbing.

"You feel so good I want to fuck you," Todd said, low in his ear. That was the most wonderful compliment J.D. had ever received. It made him feel good all over. Then Todd's hand ran down between his legs and pulled him back tight against Todd's body, delivering a shock of pleasure straight to his brain. That sudden pressure against his cock made his whole nervous system shudder with lust. And there was a hard thing behind him that had to be Todd's hard-on.

If Todd's hard-on was digging into his ass, then Todd had to have a hard-on to begin with, which meant that Todd was turned on. Todd wanted him.

"Do you want me?" J.D. asked, leaning his head back onto Todd's shoulder.

"Hell yes," Todd said, and did a little massaging thing to his stomach that gave him fluttery warm butterflies inside. "Turk's here."

J.D. wanted Todd to put a hand between his thighs again. What?! Turk! J.D. fell forward, landing on the floor, as the door opened.

Turk took in the sight of J.D. sprawled on the floor while Todd was smiling brightly.

Carla peeked over Turk's shoulder.

J.D. hid his face and groaned.

"I didn't know you were coming home!"

"I live there!"

"I didn't know you were bringing Carla with you!"

"I didn't expect you to be getting laid in the living room!"

"I wasn't getting laid, I was-"

"You were getting something."

"Do you think she saw? Do you think she knows?"

"She knew already. J.D., she calls you Bambi. Nobody calls a straight guy Bambi."

"She calls you Cottontail."

"That's because - - never mind. Were you having a good time?"

"No, I was not having a good time. I never want to see him again."

"That's too bad, because - - Hey, Todd!"

"Excuse me, I have-" J.D. landed back in his chair when Turk kicked his shin. He dropped his fork.

"Let me take care of that for you." Todd reached down and picked up JD's fork from the floor, setting it on his own tray, then handed J.D. his clean fork with a lingering look.

"Thanks," J.D. said. He wasn't blushing. It was too warm in the cafeteria. Their fingers had brushed by accident.

"I heard you asked Dr. Cox about Todd," Turk said.

"Is anything I do private for one second?" J.D. asked.

"No. You wanted your hero's seal of disapproval, didn't you?"

"I wanted an honest opinion from someone I respect. I respect Dr. Cox, and he's always honest. A little too honest. Do you know he told me-"

"I know. What did he say about Todd?"

"Nothing."

Turk poked him. "What did he say about Todd?"

"He said that Todd has a good future ahead of him in surgery. He said that he's never seen anyone look that stupid and be that smart, besides me. And he said that all of that living in the moment crap is bullshit, but I could learn something from it anyway. Do you think that I overanalyze things? I don't think that I do. I don't think that-"

"Dr. Cox likes Todd?" Turk asked.

"Yes."

"Dr. Cox doesn't like anybody."

"He said that I should go for it. I'd make a cute girlfriend."

Turk laughed.

"Shut up."

J.D. opened his locker.

Todd came up beside him, putting an arm up against the lockers. "How are you doing?"

"Hard day of work. Going home to sleep. By myself. Alone."

"Can I come?"

"No."

"Okay."

"See you tomorrow." J.D. left.

J.D. was dozing in front of the TV when Turk came home.

With Todd.

J.D. fell off of the couch. "What is he doing here?"

"I invited him," Turk said. "Help him up."

J.D. let Todd pull him to his feet. "Why did you invite him here?"

"I like to spend time with my friends," Turk said. "I'm so funny that way. I just can't help myself."

J.D. realized that he was still holding Todd's hand. He let go. "I thought you were going out with Carla tonight."

"Oh, that's right, I am! I'd better go. Okay, see you guys later!" Turk left.

"Bad man," J.D. said. "Bad, bad man!"

"You look really tense," Todd said. "Let me-"

"No!" J.D. backed up.

"It worked last time," Todd said, sounding confused.

"It did not." J.D. heard the affronted virgin in his voice. Damn her.

"You have such pretty eyes. And such soft skin. And such a great body."

"Shut up," J.D. said, irritated. Uh, um... "I do?"

"No. Not really. It's cute, though. I have a great body. Want to see it?"

"No."

"Okay."

"How many guys have you done this to?"

"None."

"You haven't been with any guys?"

"No."

"Then why me?"

"I want to screw you."

"But why? Why me? Why me? Why not somebody else?"

"I don't know."

There was an honest answer. J.D. almost felt relieved. Todd didn't know, either. Todd didn't understand it, either. It made J.D. feel closer to Todd than anything else had. "Do you want to stay?"

"For sex?" Todd asked brightly.

"For TV," J.D. said.

"Yeah," Todd said with just as much enthusiasm, and sat on the sofa.

J.D. sat beside him.

J.D. had started to relax about the whole sex thing and was beginning to get into that familiar mode of hanging out wasting time with a guy, when Todd yawned, stretched, and put an arm around his shoulders.

J.D. looked at Todd's hand. There was a hand. On his shoulder.

It wasn't a bad feeling. Sort of a strange feeling. Kind of...nice.

Maybe he'd let the arm stay.

J.D. waited.

He tried to peek at Todd from the corner of his eye, without turning his head.

He coughed, leaning forward to do so, and when he sat back again, he was just a little eensy bit closer to Todd.

He wondered exactly what Turk had meant by saying that Todd had a great body. How great was great?

The arm left his shoulders when Todd leaned forward to move Rowdy. When Todd sat back again, there was a hand on his knee.

J.D. looked down. Yes. There was a hand. On his knee. Hmm.

Now it was more on his thigh than on his knee.

Now it was sort of...between his thighs. Cupping his inner thigh.

The hand squeezed gently.

J.D. almost came. Oh, shit. This couldn't be good. No, no, he took that back. This was very good. This was excellent.

Were there rules for this? Should he be following some sort of protocol? This whole groping thing was really working for him, but the thigh was not as important as the dick, and what he really wanted was - - J.D. pushed Todd's hand against his hard-on and held it there.

"All right!" Todd leaned in.

And suddenly they were way too close. The touching without looking thing, the wandering hands thing, that had been good. But now they were face-to-face and that was too much. J.D. didn't want that. He backed up on the sofa.

"You're not a kisser, that's cool," Todd said.

"Maybe you should go," J.D. heard himself say. It sounded ridiculous. Todd's hand was on his crotch and it had to be clear that he was more than interested in what was going on.

"We were just getting started," Todd said.

"I don't want to start anything with you," J.D. said. "Just...go."

Todd looked confused.

J.D. pretended that he wouldn't feel shitty about this later.

Todd looked hurt.

J.D. pretended that he didn't feel shitty about this now.

"Okay," Todd said, but his voice had lost its cool. He pulled his hand away.

Oh... J.D. wished that Todd could have left the hand there.

Todd left.

J.D.'s cock didn't want Todd to come back and J.D.'s conscience wasn't pitching a fit and even Rowdy didn't believe him.

Todd was roaming the hospital with his usual oblivious arrogance.

Hunh. See, nothing bad after all. Todd was fine. Last night's rude rejection hadn't meant a thing.

"He feels like shit," Turk told J.D. "You'd better make it up to him."

"Me? I didn't do anything! And how can you say that he feels like shit? He looks exactly the same as he always does."

"Some people wear their pain inside," Turk said.

"He's checking out his own ass," J.D. said.

"Hey, Todd!" Turk said, stepping over to him and raising a hand. "Up top!"

Todd turned and said, looking mournful, "Down low today, man, down low." He held out his hand down by his waist, and Turk slapped it.

J.D. couldn't get over this. He had to stare.

"J.D.," Todd said.

"Todd," J.D. said, and watched Todd go.

"There goes a broken man," Turk said.

"He'll be okay tomorrow," J.D. said. "He probably just ate some bad yams."

"Right," Turk said.

Dr. Cox's take on things. "Look, Angie, I'm not one to give other people advice, but would you just go kiss and make up with the guy? If you pay any less attention to your job, you're going to kill someone. Honestly. If you'd just think of others instead of yourself all of the time, we'd all be better off. He's a lovely young man who just wants a piece of your ass. Ten minutes, a supply closet, you'd make his whole day. But you won't do it. You young people today. I blame the school systems, myself."

J.D. felt kind of horny. Sort of itchy and on edge.

"Must be that time of the month," Carla told him.

Ha ha.

He didn't have a date and couldn't get one, so he went home to watch porn. Carla came with him - - to the apartment, to pick up Turk. Not to watch porn. That would have been...well, it would have been a problem for Turk, to say the least.

J.D. let Carla in, because he was a gentleman, and followed her right into the apartment where Turk was talking to Todd.

Talking. Sitting there talking. Deep in conversation. No food. No sports. No TV or videogames in sight. Just...talking.

With Todd.

The Todd.

J.D. couldn't imagine why.

"Baby," Turk said, getting up and coming to kiss Carla. "I'm almost ready to go." He went into his bedroom.

J.D. followed and closed the door. "What was that?"

"That's Carla. My girlfriend. You might have seen her around. She works with us-"

"That man in our living room."

"Todd."

"Yes! Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is he here?"

"I invited him. Could you let go of me? I'm starting to wrinkle."

"Sorry." J.D. let go. "What were you talking about?"

"Surgical stuff."

"Surgical stuff?"

"Surgery is something that big boys get to do with pointy instruments. You'll learn more about it when you're older."

"Just because I didn't choose surgery doesn't mean-"

"Oh, sorry, was that a touchy subject?" Turk made his exit, grabbed Carla, and made another exit.

J.D. glowered at the door. Then he glowered at Todd. "I know why you're here. Turk's trying to set us up again. I don't care. I'm tired. I'm horny. I want to have naked sex, but I don't have a girlfriend, so I'm going to watch naked sex. You can stay. You can go. I'm watching porn." J.D. found a tape, stuck it in the VCR, and sat down to watch.

"All right," Todd said.

J.D. ignored that. He didn't even know why Turk had invited Todd over today. He'd thought that Turk was getting past that phase. But wait. Waaaait. Today was Horny Day. He'd told Turk. Turk had invited Todd over. On Horny Day, of all days. Coincidence? J.D. thought not.

Todd was out of luck. J.D. wasn't that horny. Not horny enough for that.

J.D. watched the tape.

Maybe it had been a bad idea to watch porn. Now he was even hornier than before, with a full hard-on, and no girl in his bed.

No guy in his bed, either. Not that there ever had been.

"How many women have you had sex with?"

"This week?" Todd asked.

Right. "And you want me."

"Hell, yeah."

"Because..."

"Because you're a hot fuck."

"You haven't done anything with me yet."

"I can tell."

"Do you even have the stuff guys need for-"

Todd reached into his bag and pulled out a box of condoms and a tube of K-Y.

Okay. "I'm just going to..." J.D. stood, and stretched. "...go to bed."

"Can I come?"

"Yeah. But. But. No..." J.D. made a circle with the fingers of his right hand and poked his left index finger through the hole.

"Can I put my fingers in?"

"Ouch. No. Maybe." J.D. went to his bedroom. "Close the door." He didn't need Turk - - or worse, Turk and Carla - - to come home and catch Todd in his bed.

J.D. took off his clothes, pretending that he was alone in the room. He got on the bed, on his back, and scratched his chest, looking at the ceiling. He wasn't really going to do this. He hadn't really invited Todd to bed with him. He wasn't really considering doing naked sex things with The Todd.

Hot wet suction at his hip. Oh, ah, uh, uh... J.D. shuddered and put himself in Todd's learned hands.

J.D. had been kissed and sucked in new erogenous zones. Strong masculine hands had worked his body over. He'd come in Todd's hands and he'd come in Todd's mouth and he'd burned and he'd shivered and he'd melted. His room had become nothingness and his bed had ceased to exist. His world had narrowed to feel, to touch, to sound, to sensation. He felt Todd, he felt what Todd did to him, he heard himself making noises. He couldn't remember ever having sounded like that before, and that made him realize how good this all was, and that made him louder.

He'd thought that he'd known all about the prostate gland. Wow. He had a lot to learn.

So good, and so warm. J.D. didn't feel horny anymore. He felt soft and good.

"Way to get your cuddle on."

Mmm...

Unexpected. Todd in his bed.

J.D. worked himself free and stood. Yes. Todd in his bed.

Right. Sex. Yeah, that had happened. Not sex sex. Just, sex. With nude bodies and orgasms.

No kissing, though. He didn't remember kissing. He remembered being kissed in other places, all over, but not on the mouth.

And he couldn't remember if Todd had...had an orgasm. Had that happened?

Todd was naked in his bed. Naked.

So that was the definition of a great body. Okay. It fit.

J.D. blinked. So that was what Todd's cock looked like. Okay.

J.D. grabbed some underwear and got out of the room. He should take a shower. Eat breakfast. Call 911.

"What's with you?" Turk asked.

"There is a man in my bedroom," J.D. whispered.

"What?" Turk laughed. "No kidding. What did - - it is Todd, right?"

"Yes, it's Todd!"

"Just checking. How'd that happen?"

"You're the one who brought him over here! You're the one who set us up!"

"Set you up? I didn't bring him over here for you. I brought him over... Is that why you did it?"

"Did what? Yes."

"J.D. He came over here last night to talk. To me."

"He-"

"He lost a patient yesterday."

"Lost a...patient?" J.D. asked. His voice cracked.

"Yes. Todd lost a patient yesterday. On the table. It was the first time."

"His first..."

"Yes."

"Don't look at me like that. I didn't... It's not like I took advantage of him in a vulnerable state."

"Well, if that's what you think..." Turk went into the bathroom.

"I didn't..." That wasn't what had happened. That wasn't... Todd had been fine. They'd had sex.

Todd had been awfully quiet last night, though. Before the...sex. Subdued. Especially for Todd.

He hadn't noticed.

He'd only done what he'd done because he'd assumed that Todd was there for that, that Turk had set them up for it, that it was a casual yet established fact that it would happen.

If he'd realized that he was the only one with that thought in his head, he wouldn't have done it.

But he had done it, and now it was done.

And now Todd was going to wake up in his bed.

J.D. went back into his room and sat on the bed. He shook Todd's shoulder. "Hey. Hey."

Brown eyes opened. "J.D." Todd rolled onto his back. "Hey."

"Hi." He'd used Todd for sex. He'd used Todd. He'd known that he was doing it and he'd done it anyway, because wasn't that what Todd was for?

That wasn't what Todd was for.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Todd asked.

He hadn't gotten a good look at Todd's body last night. He hadn't looked at Todd at all last night. He was trying not to get distracted and stare now. He could remember sleeping with all of that comforting strong muscle wrapped around him. It made him fuzzy inside.

"Did you come last night?" What?

"No," Todd said. "You did. Three times. All right!"

"What, three? I came twice."

"No, dude, I was there. Three times."

"Two times."

"Three times."

"Your hand and your mouth."

"My hand, my mouth, and your hand."

"My...hand...oh." Oh. J.D.'s face burned. In his own hand. On his knees. While Todd's tongue licked at...oh. J.D. could feel his muscles contracting and spasming at the memory.

"Three times," Todd said. "Not bad. Not bad at all."

"No, not, not bad," J.D. said.

He'd done the wrong thing for a bad reason. He shouldn't have had sex with Todd. He shouldn't have used Todd. He shouldn't have assumed that Todd was there to be used. There to be used by him. There for his use.

The world didn't revolve around him. It was hard to remember that.

"Stop it."

"You stop it."

"Are you ever going to talk to Todd again?"

"No."

"You work in the same hospital."

"I can avoid him."

"He's my friend."

"You should drop him."

"Maybe I should drop you."

"Maybe you should. What?"

"You can't avoid him."

"I can."

"He knows you're avoiding him."

"It can't be hard to figure out."

"He knows you were using him."

"What?"

"He knows you used him for sex. He knows you don't like him. He knows you don't want him."

"He what?"

"If you're afraid that he's going to start asking you out, you don't have to worry about it. He's not going to. You got what you wanted."

"He thinks that I used him for sex?"

"No, he knows that you used him for sex. See the difference? Think, know. Think, know."

"He was using me for sex, too. He was! He wanted to try out a guy, you threw us together-"

"I threw you together?"

"-and he got what he wanted. Maybe he's mad that I didn't put out just like he expected me to, but-"

"J.D., shut up. Just shut up. The Todd did not use you for sex. He liked you. He's not too good at expressing his deeper emotions, but he liked you. That's why he wanted to get with you. He gets rejected all of the time. You've seen it. He doesn't even care. When you told him to back off, do you remember how he was?"

"Down low," J.D. said.

"That's right," Turk said. "Down low."

"Damn. Come on, how was I supposed to know?"

"Maybe if you'd ever talked to him, you would have figured it out."

Talked to him. Talked. He hadn't talked to Todd. Not once, not really, this whole time.

"He's not my best friend. He's not you. But he wouldn't be my friend if I couldn't talk to him. You should know that."

He should have known that.

"He's off tonight. You might want to see what he's doing."

Maybe Todd would be free. Maybe they could go out or something.

J.D. drummed his fingers on the table.

"So, you want to have sex?" Todd asked.

"Yeah. No! No, I mean, maybe later."

"Okay."

J.D. hummed.

"Want to have sex now?"

"Okay."

Wow. J.D. could feel the stars in his eyes. The world was bright with possibility. He was having revelation after revelation.

For instance: Sex could be amazing. Sex could be spectacular. Sex could be fantastic.

Everybody knew that sex was a good thing. Everybody liked sex. Everybody had great sex at one point or another. But...wow.

His ass kind of hurt, but that would be over in a minute.

And maybe then they could do it again.

He turned his head and looked at Todd. "You, uh, feel like doing that again?"

Wow. Damn.

J.D. was feeling slightly guilty. Only slightly.

He'd intended to spend time with Todd on a friends basis. Getting to know each other. Colleagues. That sort of thing.

Screwing someone all night was not the way to dispel those nasty "I'm using you for sex" feelings.

J.D. checked with Turk.

Yep. Todd still thought that he was being used for sex. And, according to Turk, Todd thought that if that was what JD wanted, that was what Todd would do.

How noble.

The worst part was, J.D. wasn't sure that he wasn't using Todd for sex. It kind of looked like he was.

That didn't have to be a bad thing. It didn't make him a bad person. He wasn't forcing Todd into anything.

J.D. still felt a teensy bit guilty.

"Let's look at your recent history," Turk said.

"Let's," J.D. said. "No, wait. Let's not."

"Why not?"

"Drug addict, Dr. Cox's wife, and Elliot."

"You have a point," Turk said. "But they have something in common."

"I'll take 'Big Mistakes' for four hundred, Alex."

"You had sex with them because you liked them. You wanted them because you were attracted to them. They're smart. They make you think. They-"

"This has what to do with The Todd?"

"That's my point," Turk said. "There are two possibilities here. One, it's hard work being a doctor and your brain needs a break, so you picked Todd."

"He is a good vacation from hard thinking," J.D. said.

"Or, he's smart and challenging, and your conscious mind hasn't realized it yet."

"Mmm, I'm sticking with the brain vacation," J.D. said.

"But that isn't all bad," Turk said. "You work hard all day. Sometimes you need to relax. I know that after saving lives all day, sometimes I want my most difficult decision to be which sexual position I want."

"I don't really decide that," J.D. said. "Todd puts me where he wants me."

"And that's freeing," Turk said.

"Right. Exactly."

Turk nodded.

"You know what I think?" J.D. asked. "I think I'm a bad person who's using a good person for sex."

"You're not a bad person," Turk said.

"Why do you like him?" J.D. asked. "Why are you his friend?"

"I've seen him work," Turk said. "He knows what he's doing. He's smart. But he doesn't take it home with him. Whatever happens at the hospital, you carry around with you, agonizing over it, for the next week. You bring it up again later. Todd doesn't do that. There's so much going on while I'm at work, that when I'm at home, I want to savor that time off. Todd does that."

"I can't do that," J.D. said. "How can he do that?"

"He leaves the hospital at the hospital. He picks it up again when he goes back. It doesn't hurt his work. It doesn't mean that he cares less. It just means that he doesn't take it home with him. When Todd brushes his teeth, all he's thinking about is brushing his teeth. You're brushing your teeth and trying to change the world."

"Someone has to."

"And someone has to teach you how not to."

J.D. approached Todd in the cafeteria. "Show me your ways."

Todd smiled. "All right."

They played basketball. They got drunk. They played video games. They tanned. They worked out. They ate too much. They had way too much sex.

J.D. felt looser. More relaxed. The strange thing was, he felt more confident. He was more decisive. Carla was proud of him for it. Dr. Cox was probably proud of him, too. At least, he could pretend so.

Maybe there really was something to the whole "living in the moment" concept. Maybe he could seize the day. Maybe he could enjoy what was happening as it happened. Maybe he didn't have to carry all of his experiences around with him and mull them over for the rest of his life. Maybe he could let things go.

He was learning.

Living in the moment didn't make him stupid. It didn't make him reckless. It made him more focused.

He greeted people more. He talked to his mother more. He looked at the sky more.

He kissed Todd more.

Carla came in with Turk. "Are you still here?"

"Yep," J.D. said from the sofa.

"Yep," Todd said.

J.D. ran his hand over Todd's thigh. "So, are you two staying?"

"We just got here," Turk said.

"Right." J.D. fed Todd another corn chip. "It's guillotine night on the History Channel. Want to watch it with us?" he offered.

Carla pulled at Turk's jacket.

"We'll see you later," Turk said, and they left again.

J.D. snuggled in with a happy sigh.

The End.

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