Copyright July 4, 2001 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski
Disclaimer: "due South," with its related characters and themes, does not belong to me. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor.
Wherein Ray pokes Fraser, thinks, and scratches his neck.
"Ray, will you kindly stop poking me?"
Ray's finger found a new target in Fraser's forehead. "-have to be the one, the savior, the-"
"Ray, will you please-"
Ray poked the bridge of Fraser's nose. "-screw me over because you can-"
"Ray, you're going to - - ow!"
"Shit! Fraser-"
"No, I'm all right, Ray," Fraser said, holding his hand to his left eye.
"I'm sorry, Frase. You okay there?"
"Yes, Ray, thank you, I'm fine."
"Didn't mean to blind you," Ray said.
"It's quite all right, Ray, I do realize that." Fraser blinked rapidly.
"Frase, this is it. This is what happens. You make me frustrated and mad, and I take it out on you, and you get hurt."
Fraser stared at Ray with his right eye. "Ray."
"What?"
"That was a fine metaphor, Ray."
"Thanks. You learned your lesson yet?"
"What lesson would that be, Ray?"
Ray poked Fraser's chest. "Don't piss me off."
"Yes, Ray."
"Good. You blind?"
"I don't think so, Ray."
"Good. See you tomorrow."
Fraser watched Ray leave his office, lowering his hand. He blinked. Well. He had work to-
"Fraser?" Ray had returned and was hanging in the doorway.
"Yes, Ray?"
"We're friends. Partners."
"Yes, Ray, of course."
"What's a metaphor? Is that when you say 'moo' and it sounds like a cow?"
"No, Ray, I believe that you're referring to an onomatopoeia. Although-"
"English, Fraser."
"I-"
"I was thinking maybe you meant simile, but that's with 'like' or 'as,' and I don't think I said that. Not that I listen to half the crap that comes out of my mouth anyway."
"Ray, have you eaten?"
"Fraser, we've been together for eighty hours now. Give or take. You know I haven't eaten since...since..." Ray frowned, trying to remember.
"The hot dog on the-"
"Right," Ray said, snapping his fingers. "Since that. Why? You hungry?"
"I thought that we could go to dinner and discuss the finer points of the English language in comparison with the crap that comes out of your mouth."
Blue eyes narrowed. "Fraser, don't insult me to my face."
"All right, Ray. Would you rather I insult you behind your back?"
"Don't give me crap, Fraser, or I'll poke out your other eye."
"Nothing said was intended as a true insult, Ray. I intend to demonstrate that your speech, while a bit 'rough around the edges,' in fact betrays you to be, to be succinct, eloquent."
"Fraser, don't babble at me and don't do the finger quote thing. I hate the finger quote thing. Let's go eat."
"Yes, Ray. No, Ray. Sorry, Ray. Thank you, Ray."
Ray glared. "You did that on purpose. Don't agitate me." He jabbed his finger in Fraser's chest. "Got it?"
Fraser removed Ray's finger from his tunic. "Perhaps you could make an attempt to stop agitating me, as well, Ray."
Ray smiled. "Nah. Come on, soup's getting cold." He started out of Fraser's office.
"The soup, Ray?"
"Know what, Ray?"
"Do you ever listen when I talk, Fraser?"
"I might ask you the same question, Ray."
"Do I listen when I talk, or do I listen when you talk?"
"I'm inclined to believe neither."
Ray grinned. "Then you'd better listen to me, since I'm not."
"Yes, Ray. You were saying that I have a good thing going. You did mean me, in particular, and not-"
"Yes, Fraser, I'm talking to you, I'm talking about you. You oughta love it. See, I'm thinking you've got a good thing going. I think it's time you took advantage of it. I'm not getting anywhere, so you gotta take up the slack. Not that it's a permanent situation. Any day now, maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight, I'm striking it big, making it rich. But until then, I figure-"
"Ray, may I interrupt?"
"You just did, Fraser. Might as well keep going."
"What are you talking about, Ray?"
"Everybody we meet wants to get in those funny-looking pants of yours, Fraser. Do something about it."
"Ray?"
Ray stopped walking and faced Fraser. "Fraser. Read my lips. Go out on a date. Get laid. Everybody's tripping all over themselves and slipping in the drool trying to get a piece of you. And you, you just smile and keep moving. Stop! Smell the perfume!"
"You're advising me to date, Ray."
"Yes, Fraser, I'm advising you to date."
He thought about it. "All right. Ray, will you do me the favor of accompanying me to dinner tonight?"
"What? Sure."
"Thank you, Ray. Shall I meet you at your place at six?"
"We can just go somewhere after work, Fraser."
"I'd prefer a little time to get out of uniform first, if that's all right with you."
"You feeling okay?"
Fraser smiled. "I'm feeling quite well, Ray, thank you."
"So where you starting?"
"Starting?"
"Dating. Frannie? Thatcher? That blonde reporter, she's all over you. You like blondes, Fraser?"
"On occasion, Ray, yes."
"Gentlemen prefer blondes. Got no idea what that means. Never saw that movie. Good luck, Frase. Not that you need it."
"Thank you kindly, Ray."
Ray closed the door.
Ray opened the door.
Ray lowered his hand from his neck slowly. He wished he were wearing his holster. "Fraser?"
"Good evening, Ray. May I say how attractive you look."
"You're looking, uh, interesting yourself there, Frase. Going somewhere?"
"I'm taking you to dinner, Ray."
"Where's Dief?"
"He agreed to stay home, as I wished to spend the evening alone with you. As alone as two people can be in this city. Although, aloneless is relative-"
Ray whistled. "Fraser, stop talking. What's going on?"
"We have a date, Ray."
"I wouldn't call it a date, Fraser."
"I asked you to dinner, and you agreed to the evening. I believe that-"
"We're eating together."
"Yes, Ray, that is my intent."
"How is this different from - - oh. I get it. Hey, are you paying?"
"Yes, Ray, I believe-"
"Great. I gotta change clothes? Where are we going?"
"I had hoped to take you to Reminisce, if that's all right with you."
"No wonder you're dressed up. Okay, let me scrounge up something."
"I hate to pressure you, Ray, but we do have reservations."
"You're going all out. Don't worry, I get out of my clothes fast." Ray jogged to his bedroom.
Fraser tried not to make a mental note of that information.
Within minutes, Ray reappeared in black tie. "Okay, let's go. Oh, shit, my hair." He ducked back into his bedroom. "Damn. Fraser, is it okay if I embarrass you in public? What the hell, you do it to me all the time. Okay, I'm ready."
"You look wonderful, Ray," Fraser said, feeling a bit breathless.
"Thanks. You clean up good, too, Fraser. Although, for you, that's relative, hunh? Like being alone. You're never really and truly alone, you know, Fraser."
"Yes, Ray."
"Gonna get pissed if I mock you some more, Fraser?"
"Yes, Ray."
"Good. That means I can keep doing it. Let's go, pitter patter, we got a table waiting for us. Although time is relative, you know."
"Yes, Ray."
"Do what, Ray?"
Ray turned, and Fraser was standing right there. All close and handsome and looking at him. "Make...make women...melt like that," Ray said. He cleared his throat. "Stop staring, Fraser."
"Yes, Ray." Fraser kept looking at him. Right into his eyes.
Ray put his hand over Fraser's eyes. "How do you do that? Make women melt. Besides being smart and good-looking. And a good person. We all know you're annoying as hell, but everybody loves you anyway. How do you do that?"
"Everybody loves me, Ray?"
"What, you didn't notice that every day is I Love Fraser Day?"
"Do you, Ray?"
"What?"
"Do you love me?"
"Do I love you? We're friends. Partners."
Fraser lowered Ray's arm. "I love you, Ray."
Ray frowned. Eased his wrist free of Fraser's gentle grasp. "That's nice, Frase."
"I didn't mean to press for your affection, Ray. That was rude, and I must apologize."
"Okay."
"Please don't allow my affection to make you uncomfortable, Ray."
"Do I look uncomfortable?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm not, so shut up."
"Yes, Ray. I'm sorry, Ray."
Ray backed up. Frowned. Turned in a circle. "Fraser, you suck as a date. No, women might like it. They like being told you love them. But don't ask, Fraser. Asking 'do you love me,' that's bad form. You say it, the other person says it back or doesn't say it back, that's her business. And the first date, Fraser, that's kind of early. These days, you get sex on the first date, but you don't get the love business until later."
"Sex on the first date?" Fraser repeated.
"Don't get out much, do you?" Ray asked. "Forget it, Fraser, that wasn't a real question. It was, wait, I got it. It was rhetorical."
"Yes, it was, Ray."
"Okay." Ray eyed him. "You're a freak, Fraser."
"Yes, Ray."
"You're different, too. You used to be a major pain in the ass. Now you're obedient. For you. It's fucking weird, Fraser. You're still pissy with everybody else, I notice. Is it just me? Because we're partners? You're mellow 'cause it's me."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray smiled. "Does this mean I gotta be nice to you, too?"
"No, Ray."
"Good."
Fraser smiled.
"Long as we got that settled. Now. This dating business. You're okay so far. Leaving Dief at home, probably a good thing. Don't want women thinking it's a package deal, you know what I'm saying? Although I know a woman or two who wouldn't - - never mind. Making your date drive isn't good, but the way you drive, maybe it's best. And the walking thing, that could be okay if it weren't twenty blocks through this city. Women think long moonlit walks are romantic, but not that kind. You paid, you listened, you did that attentive thing. Women gotta eat that up. You came off kind of nervous, but that might be endearing. And you were you, you were normal Fraser, not SuperMountie. I'm used to it, but that's gonna shock some people. Fraser, you're gonna knock 'em dead."
"Thank you, Ray. Our date has been a success, then?"
"Yep. Congratulations, Fraser."
"I'm not certain of the etiquette, Ray, but I would like to thank you. I enjoyed spending the evening with you."
"I'm a great date," Ray agreed.
"Yes, Ray, you're a fine date."
"Why are you looking at me funny?"
"You look wonderful, Ray."
"Thanks, Fraser. That's the seventeenth time you've said that tonight."
"Fourth."
"Whatever. If you've gotta keep saying it, spice it up a little. Compliment the shoes or the earrings or the hair or the eyes."
"You have beautiful eyes, Ray. And your hair-"
"What, you're not going for my shoes?"
"The toes are scuffed, Ray."
Ray laughed. "And then
he asks if I love him. Fraser, you think I'd put up with you if I
didn't? Come on, get home, Dief's waiting to hear about your big
night out. You want a ride? I'll drive."
"Thank you, Ray. May I say again that I had a fine evening. Thank you for your company."
"You're welcome." Ray looked at Fraser. "What?"
Fraser put his lips to Ray's cheek.
"Fraser, what are you doing?" Ray asked.
Fraser sat back again. "I was kissing you good night, Ray. If my advances are unwanted-"
"Don't kiss me, Fraser."
"Understood."
"Get out of the car, Fraser."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray waited.
Fraser didn't move.
"Get. Out. Of. The. Car."
"Perhaps this is an inopportune-"
"Just say it and go."
"I realize that-"
"Fraser, what?" Ray asked. "I'm not mad at you if you think that I'm mad at you, because I'm not."
"Understood."
"What do you want?"
"I thought that we could attend the cinema together, Ray. Perhaps tomorrow evening. I'm sure that we can find something to suit both of our tastes."
"What, the movies? You don't see movies."
"Attending an event of popular culture is standard practice, is it not? I thought that a movie might be more your style, so to speak, than the opera. Although-"
"Yeah, Frase, why don't you take me to the opera? Forget it. Yeah, a movie, sure. After work, we can see what's playing where. Been a while since I actually got out and went to the movies. A real movie, Frase. Nothing with subtitles."
"Of course, Ray."
"Okay. Anything else?"
"I..."
Ray's brows knit. "You're at a loss for words? I knew you were acting weird, but I didn't know it was this bad."
"I wondered if you might call me Ben."
"Ben? I don't know, Fraser, that's kind of personal, there. Your first name and everything. Not even your real first name, but a nickname. Don't know if I can handle that. Next thing you know, we'll be friends or something."
"Ray-"
"I'm sorry, Fraser. Ben. I'll call you whatever you want. Except Ray. We got too many of those as it is. Ben's good. It's a nice name. This is a big step. Calling you Ben. Feel like we ought to have a moment of silence or break open the champagne or something. Try that, a moment of silence, with the two of us. See, there, Ben, I knew I could get you to smile. Come on, Mountie, out of the car. I gotta get home for my beauty rest. Got a big movie date tomorrow."
Fraser watched Ray's eyes widen. He did not panic.
"Movie date," Ray repeated. "Like tonight was a date. Fraser - - Ben, you're supposed to be dating women, not me. Tonight was practice, you're good, you're ready for the real thing. Get out there. Show them what you got. Don't go wasting it on me."
"Time with you is never wasted, Ray."
"Are you listening to me?"
"Every word, Ray."
"What did I say?"
"Starting from where, Ray?"
"Starting from what is your problem, Ben? Women, you should date women. Frannie, Thatcher, blonde reporter person-"
"Ray. Ray. The people specified are all fine women, but I would prefer to date a blond detective person."
"So there's..." Ray stopped talking.
Fraser closed Ray's mouth with a gentle touch. His fingers caressed up Ray's cheek.
"Blond detective person," Ray said. "You got a thing for men, Ben?"
"I have a thing for you, Ray."
Ray put his hand over Fraser's eyes. "Stop looking at me like that. Let me think."
"Yes, Ray." Fraser let his fingers trace along Ray's jaw.
"We're partners, Ben."
"Yes, Ray."
"Not that kind of partners."
"We can be any kind of partners we like, Ray."
"No, we can't."
"Why not?"
"For one thing, right now I want to haul off and hit you. Stupid Mountie. You hit your head or something? Maybe you're doing an experiment or working undercover or legally insane. I always knew you were crazy. Right from day one, I looked at you, I said to myself, that man is nuts."
"I looked at you and said to myself, 'That man is beautiful.'"
"No, you looked at me and said, who the fuck is this guy?"
"I'll admit I did wonder that, yes."
"Beautiful. I'm not beautiful."
"Yes, you are, Ray."
"What do you know, you can't even see me."
"I see you very well, Ray." Fraser's fingers drifted around the shell of Ray's ear.
"Don't get metaphoric or relative or romantic on me, Ben. And stop touching me."
Fraser followed the line of Ray's jaw, then ran a thumb over Ray's lips.
"Am I talking to myself here? Quit with the hand."
"You're touching me as well, Ray."
"That's self-defense. Let's make a deal here, Ben."
"What sort of deal, Ray?"
"You get out of this car, go inside, and start liking women. I'll go home and pretend you're only regular crazy, not extra crazy."
"I like women very much, Ray."
"Glad to hear it."
"I happen to be in love with you."
"Not so glad to hear that. You are not."
Fraser stayed quiet, letting his touch linger at Ray's neck.
Ray lowered his hand and looked into Fraser's eyes. Fraser looked back. "Oh," Ray said.
"I love you, Ray." Fraser's eyes were serious, his voice soft.
Ray leaned back in his seat and stared out through the windshield.
Fraser waited.
Ray folded his arms over the steering wheel and bowed his head. "Damn you, Ben."
Fraser waited.
"Okay, get out, go inside. I have to get home and decide what to wear for my big date tomorrow. Go ahead, go on with you," he said, making shooing motions. "Don't give me the big happy Mountie smile, Ben."
"Thank you, Ray."
Ray put his hand on Fraser's chest. "Back up. Back off. My mother didn't raise me to let a man kiss my cheek twice on the same night. Save it for tomorrow."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray groaned. "Not the sparkly eyes, Ben. I like you a lot better when you're pissy. This happy Mountie routine makes me think Pollyanna's going to come skipping down the street. You just go on inside and get some sleep. Gotta be well-rested so you can spend tomorrow catching criminals and saving the world before your big movie date with that blond detective person."
"That beautiful blond detective person, Ray."
"Don't go there, Ben. Do not go there."
Fraser straightened his shoulders further and offered his hand. "Thank you for a fine evening, Ray."
Ray shook his hand. "You, too, Ben."
"I will see you tomorrow, then."
"Lucky you."
"Yes, Ray. I consider
myself to be very fortunate."