Aaron’s Life
 

Copyright May 2-June 1, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: R?

Pairings: Nick Carter/Brian Littrell/Drew Lachey, Aaron Carter/Ashley Angel

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people.  So is Aaron Carter.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Notice: I wrote this story a while ago, and I didn't put it on the site because I wasn't satisfied with it.  But I'm too sappy to make the changes that need to be made, so I'm putting it on the site as it is.

banner by Becky

        Aaron had been homeless at that point.  He’d been living with his parents, until he’d sued them; and during the trial, he’d been in a hotel.  It hadn’t exactly been a picnic to prepare for the tour and fight legal battles at the same time, but he’d found a good manager, and even though not everything had worked out to his best advantage, the verdict had come down before the tour started.

        What he’d managed to get out of the house, he’d put in storage.  He’d known that he should get someone to look for a new place to live for him, but he’d been too busy, and put it off.  Then Nick had come to visit him in Detroit.

        Nick showed up only two days after moving into his new place.  He had pictures, and they looked great; there was a ton of space, too many rooms.  It was too nice for Nick, but it was big and on the water.

        “This is huge, even for three people,” Aaron said.

        “I know,” Nick said.  “I was thinking it’d be big even if we had four people.”

        “What four?” Aaron asked.  “You’re having a kid?”

        Nick snorted and shoved him.  “Idiot.  I’m talking about you.”

        “Talking about me what?”  Aaron frowned.  “You want me to move in with you?”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “What, you got a better offer?”

        “I can’t…  Nick, I can’t live with you.”  There was no way.

        “You mean you can’t live with me, or you can’t live with Brian and Drew?”

        “You know what I’m talking about.  You know I can’t…  Come on, Nick, you know I can’t.”

        “It doesn’t have to be forever,” Nick said.  “Like I want you hanging around for the rest of my life.  I’m just saying, right now you don’t have anywhere to go.  This way, when the tour’s over, you have somewhere to rest and relax.  You can get your own place any time you want to.”

        “Nick…”

        “Just so you have somewhere to stay,” Nick said.  “It’s a room, a bed, a roof over your head, I’m not trying to adopt you.”

        “Adopt me, I’m eighteen,” Aaron said.

        “Yeah, whatever,” Nick said.  “I’m getting your stuff out of storage.  You want to get it when the tour’s over, you come by, we’ll let you spend the night.”

        “Okay,” Aaron said.  One night.  He’d survive.  It couldn’t be that bad.  He hoped.

        His bedroom had its own bathroom.  He took a shower and went to bed for his post-tour crash.

        When he woke up again, Nick was in the room, dumping boxes on the floor.  “Hey,” Nick said.  “Here’s your shit.  The stuff in storage.  The rest of it’s in the room across the hall.”

        Aaron groaned, not wanting to be awake yet.  “What time is it?”

        “Past noon.  Get your ass out of bed.”

        “I’m still tired.”

        “Get up.  There’s food downstairs waiting for you.”

        Aaron considered that.  “Food?”

        “Is that stubble?  When did you start getting facial hair?”

        “I’m eighteen.”

        “Yeah, whatever.”  Nick always seemed to think that Aaron’s natural aging process was a figment of Aaron’s imagination, and in reality he’d remain ten years old forever.  “Get up or I’ll get you up myself.”

        Since that was in fact a genuine threat, Aaron got out of bed.  He visited the bathroom and brushed his teeth, then threw on track pants and a T-shirt and followed Nick downstairs.

        Nearing the kitchen, he heard sounds.  Movement.  Someone was in there.  Aaron braced himself.  Stepping into the room, he saw Brian sitting at the table, leaning back comfortably, watching Drew, who was cleaning up.  There was a place set at the table, clearly for him.

        The microwave dinged, and Nick said, “I dragged him out of bed.”

        “We told him to let you sleep,” Brian said to Aaron.  “Oh my god, is that stubble?  You’re old enough to shave?”

        “Isn’t it cute?” Nick asked, rubbing Aaron’s jaw.  “He’s playing grown-up.”

        Aaron pushed Nick off of him.

        “It’s great to see you again,” Brian said.

        “Nick said your show was great,” Drew said, swiftly taking two containers from the microwave and setting them by his plate.  A change in conversation, to something professional and trivial, and a distraction as well.  Aaron sat, grateful for the out.  Nick gave him a glass of milk and a glass of Coke, and Drew put down a plate with two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on it.

        “Yeah, it was good,” Aaron said.

        “Everything was bigger this time,” Nick said.  “The stage was bigger, the pyro was bigger, the dancers were better.”

        “The choreography was harder,” Aaron said.

        “Who are you working with?” Drew asked.  It was the perfect question to keep them on professional ground, and for the rest of Aaron’s meal, the conversation stayed on similar lines.  Brian was looking at him like Brian wanted to touch him, which freaked him out a little, and Brian didn’t say much, but Drew kept things rolling smoothly, and Nick, as always, could talk about pretty much anything at all when with the right people.  Aaron always had been one of those people, and so had Brian.  Apparently Drew was, too.

        Nick was still Nick.  After spending the entire first day looking at Aaron like he was an alien visitor, Brian had relaxed, and now he was the fun guy Aaron remembered.

        Drew was an unknown.  He was willing to clean up after Nick half of the time, if Nick cleaned up after himself the other half.  He saw his brother, and usually Jeff, every single day.  He didn’t talk a hell of a lot, because apparently he was used to being around people who liked to monopolize the conversation, but when he did talk, he was pretty smart and pretty funny and kind of sarcastic, too.

        Aaron and Nick went out on the water a lot.  Sometimes they took Drew or Brian with them, but usually they went alone.  It was fun, it felt good.  When he was out there, on the water, back with Nick again, under new management, with the sun above him and the sea below him and new lyrics simmering in the back of his brain, Aaron started to feel like he was breathing clean air again.

        Kevin and AJ had been spending most of their off-time in Kentucky, on the ranch, but they showed up for a few days.  It was great to see them, but it was weird to see them together.  They acted like they always had, and Aaron could almost forget that they were a couple, except for the way Kevin kept watching AJ, with this weird predator-stalking-prey look in his eyes, and the way AJ was always touching Kevin, casual lingering touches that had nothing to do with anything.

        Howie and Chris dropped by for a few days.  Howie was as nice as ever, and Chris and Nick yelled at each other a lot, and Chris acted flat-out shocked that Aaron was eighteen.  What was the big deal; did everybody really expect him to be ten years old the rest of his fucking life?  Nick and Brian and Howie spent a lot of time together, and Drew and Chris turned out to be really good friends; apparently they’d formed a two-person support group of people married to Backstreet Boys.  Nick said Drew kept saying that he should be the president of the group, since he was married to two, but Chris kept threatening to stage an uprising.

        These people were fucking insane.

        The house was great, and the boat was great, and Nick was great.  There was always something to eat, and he made at least a half-hearted attempt to clean up after himself.  Nick refused to do his laundry for him, and he wasn’t about to ask Drew or Brian to do it, but it turned out that there were really clear, detailed instructions taped to the wall in the laundry room.

        Aaron pretty much felt sorry for anyone who had to live with Nick.  Nick was messy and immature and stupid and practically had ADD, and had some incredibly annoying and disgusting habits.  Drew maybe hadn’t been aware of that before moving in with him, but Brian must have known, from touring with him.  But the thing was, they really didn’t seem to mind.  Brian just accepted everything Nick did, and Drew either ignored it or said something smart-ass that got Nick to get pissed off and shape up, at least momentarily.

        Aaron didn’t know what their sex life was like, and he really, really, truly didn’t want to find out.  They were gay, and there were three of them, and that was so far outside his sphere of understanding it was orbiting Pluto somewhere.  When he knew they were in their room, which was on one side of the house on the second floor, he used the other staircase and avoided going near there like it was fucking plagued.  And when he was walking around the house and didn’t know where they were or what they were doing, he was loud, stomping and singing or calling Nick’s name, to announce his presence before he showed up, in case they needed to zip up or something.

        One day, he was headed towards the kitchen when he heard laughing and shouting and cursing and threatening.  It didn’t sound sexual, and he was kind of curious, so he peeked in.  Nick was soaked, and holding the sink’s spray nozzle like a gun, aiming it at Brian.  Drew was right behind Brian, holding a spoon to Brian’s neck.

        “All right, Lachey, this is between you and me,” Nick warned.  “Let Brian go.”

        “Put it down,” Drew said.  “Put it down and nobody gets hurt.”

        “It’s a spoon,” Brian said, laughing.  “I think I’ll be okay.”

        Drew pressed the curved bowl of the spoon underneath Brian’s chin, raising his jaw.  “I said I was sorry,” he told Nick.  “There’s no need for violence.”

        “It’s not violence,” Nick said.  “It’s vengeance.”

        They were acting out such a bad movie, and Nick had said that so damned dramatically, that Aaron had to laugh.  Nick had already seen him there, but Drew and Brian hadn’t, and when he laughed, Drew looked over in his direction.  Brian took advantage of that distraction to twist away, diving behind a kitchen chair for cover, and Nick hosed Drew down.

        Cursing, spluttering, Drew threw the spoon at Nick.  Nick was laughing, and Brian was laughing, and Aaron had to laugh, too, because Nick was such an idiot, and-

        Hey!  What the - - hey!  Aaron raised his hands to shield himself from the spray.  “Jackass!”

        Nick returned the nozzle to the sink.  “You looked dry.”

        “I was dry, you idiot!”  Aaron pushed his wet hair out of his face.  “Why didn’t you get Brian?”

        “He didn’t want me to,” Nick said.  “Hey, now you look wet.”

        “I’m going to get you for this,” Aaron threatened.  He was soaked.  He would have attacked Nick right then and there, if Brian and Drew hadn’t been in the room.

        Drew was wringing water out of his shirt.  “That was a great way to get out of cleaning the kitchen.”

        “Thanks,” Nick said.  “You’re dripping.”

        Drew gave up and peeled off his shirt.  “I think you know what I’m going to say next.”

        Aaron knew he shouldn’t have been staring.  And if he had to stare, he also knew that he should have been giving most of his attention to the scars, because the guy had fucking exit wounds - - but damn.  Drew looked like that?  Jesus.  Every single muscle was perfectly delineated, and his arms were thick, and his abs were - - damn.  Aaron never would have guessed that he was cut like that.

        “No sex tonight?” Nick guessed.

        His back fucking rippled.  “You’re cleaning the kitchen all week.”

        “You got me wet first!” Nick protested.

        “You attacked our guest,” Drew said.

        “He’s not a guest, he’s my brother!” Nick said.  “He doesn’t count!”

        Nick had a point, there.

        “Kitchen, one week,” Drew said, and started walking towards the door.  Aaron’s dancers didn’t have abs like that.  “Make as much of a mess as you want,” Drew told him, and walked past him, and was gone.

        “He can’t tell me what to do,” Nick said.  He looked at Aaron.  “You’re dripping.”

        That was fucking it.  Aaron was across the table and on the other side, reaching for the hose.  Nick started scrambling, and Brian was laughing, and Aaron turned and fired, and he nailed Nick right in the face.  Nick shouted and ducked behind Brian, so Aaron soaked Brian, who jumped out of the way and exposed Nick again.  Aaron carefully drenched Nick from head to toe, while Nick just stood there and yelled at Brian for turning traitor.

        Aaron wanted to know why Drew looked like that, or how Drew got that kind of body, but he couldn’t ask Drew, because he really wasn’t that comfortable with the guy yet.  He could ask Nick, but he didn’t know how.  He wasn’t necessarily comfortable discussing Drew’s body with Nick, since Nick was fucking Drew and he didn’t want to go there; but on the other hand, he could ask Nick absolutely anything about anything.

        He tried to form the question in his head.

        “What’s with you?”

        “What?”  Aaron looked at Nick.

        “I’m killing you over here.”  Onscreen, Nick did exactly that.  “What’s with you?”

        “I didn’t know Drew looked like that.”

        Nick frowned.  “Like what?  Short?”

        “No, I - - he’s ripped,” Aaron said, since there was no point in not being blunt with Nick.

        “Oh, yeah.”  Nick nodded.  Then he grinned.  He looked amused and proud and smug and even horny all at the same time.  “He’s totally ripped.”

        Aaron elbowed Nick.  “Get over it.”

        “You brought it up,” Nick pointed out, and restarted the game.

        “How, I mean, why…”

        “What?” Nick asked.  “He works out every day.  You can work out with him, if you want to.  If you think you can keep up.”

        “I can keep up,” Aaron said, even though he suspected that might not necessarily have been true.

        “Great,” Nick said.  “Drew!”

        Aaron hit him.

        “What?” Nick demanded, even though his grin said he knew perfectly well.  “Drew!”

        “I heard you the first time,” Drew said, coming into the room.  “Yes, Nick?”

        “Aaron wants to work out with you.”

        “Yeah?”  Drew was surprised, but covering it really well.  Aaron appreciated him not making a big deal out of it.

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “He’s thinking of joining 98 Degrees.”

        Aaron smacked Nick.

        “If you’re not busy tomorrow afternoon,” Drew said, “I wouldn’t mind the company.”

        “Yeah, sure,” Aaron said, to be polite.  Drew had been nice to him ever since he’d shown up, and even though being there was really uncomfortable for Aaron, it had occurred to him that it probably wasn’t ideal for Drew or Brian, either.

        “Great.”  Drew left.

        “You can touch him, if you want,” Nick said.

        “Jesus, Nick!  I don’t want to touch him,” Aaron said, seriously disturbed.

        “What, he won’t mind,” Nick said.

        “He’d mind,” Aaron said.  “I’d mind!  I know you have to put your hands all over everything you see, but not everybody’s like that.  I don’t want to touch him!”

        “You couldn’t make it into 98 Degrees, anyway,” Nick said.

        “I don’t want to be in 98 Degrees,” Aaron said.  He hesitated.  “Why not?”

        “You don’t meet the requirements,” Nick said.

        “What requirements?” Aaron said.

        “Nothing,” Nick said.

        “What?” Aaron demanded.

        “Nothing,” Nick said.

        “What, I’m too young?” Aaron asked, since Nick kept acting like he was still ten or something.  “I sing too well?”

        Nick laughed at that one.  “You wish.”

        “Maybe I’m just too tall.”  Nick kept bringing up how short Drew was, like Drew had any control over it.

        “You really want to know?” Nick asked.

        “Yeah,” Aaron said.  “What?”

        “No,” Nick said.  “You don’t want to know.”

        Damn it, Nick didn’t have to be so mysterious about it.  “Are you going to tell me or not?”

        “I don’t think it’s appropriate,” Nick said.

        That was new.  “Since when do you give a shit about what’s appropriate?”

        “Drew wouldn’t think it’s appropriate,” Nick said.

        Now, that sounded a lot more accurate.  “Who cares?  What, if it’s a secret, I’m not going to tell anybody.”

        “I don’t know, you still get really weirded out about stuff,” Nick said.

        “What, is there some initiation ritual?”

        “I don’t think I can tell you.”

        Aaron hesitated.  He knew that tone of voice.  Nick really wasn’t going to tell him.  Even if he nagged Nick about it for three weeks running, Nick wasn’t going to tell him.  “Why not?”

        “Drew wouldn’t think it’s appropriate.”

        “What, now you do whatever Drew tells you?”

        Nick grinned.  “No, I do whatever Brian tells me.  And Brian would want me to respect Drew’s wishes.”

        “You’re so weird,” Aaron accused.  He hesitated.  “You don’t really do whatever Brian tells you.”

        “No, I don’t,” Nick said.  “I just…  Drew wouldn’t want me to tell you, and he’d be weirded out, and you’d be weirded out, and I don’t think that’s a really good idea.”

        “They’re Satan worshippers, aren’t they?” Aaron asked.

        “Yeah, I don’t know,” Nick said.  “You think we should ask?”

        Nick just had to come and watch.  Not join in, just watch.

        Aaron kept up.

        His body spent the next few days regretting it.

        He went back to working out alone or with Nick, but now he made sure that it was an everyday occurrence.

        “Oh.”

        Aaron stopped short.

        “Mmm…”

        Oh, hell, no.

        “Brian…”

        Soft moans and vague, breathy whispers were coming from the next room.  Drew and Brian were definitely not in bed.

        “What about…”

        “He’s asleep,” Brian whispered.  “Let me…”

        “Oh…”

        Aaron’s first instinct was to confront them.  But they were adults in their own home, and he had gone to bed, so they had reason to believe he was still safely there.  His second instinct was to run.  He wanted to get the hell out of there before things got any worse.

        Moving as slowly and as quietly as possible, so as not to draw any attention to himself, Aaron peered cautiously into the room.

        Okay, so this was a lot more tame than he’d imagined.  Drew and Brian were sitting on the sofa, sort of entwined, Drew gradually lowering Brian onto his back.  Brian was moaning, his hands in Drew’s hair, and Drew was making odd random “mmm” noises, pulling up Brian’s shirt.

        “I…wanted…”  Brian sounded way too breathy, and he started moaning again when Drew started kissing his neck.

        “Ssshhh…  Let me…  Beautiful…”

        This wasn’t right.

        Drew worked off Brian’s shirt, and Brian lay back, panting softly.  Drew looked at him for a minute, and then Drew’s fingers drifted down Brian’s cheek, down Brian’s neck.  Brian lifted his chin at Drew’s stroking, and when the lamplight hit him just so…

        Drew leaned in, kissing Brian’s neck, licking his jaw, kissing his chest.  Brian made an almost shocked, breath-catching sound in the back of his throat, and Drew whispered something against his skin.  Brian brought his hands up, over his head, almost like he was offering himself, and his back arched as Drew kissed down over his ribcage.

        This was all wrong.

        Drew was licking Brian’s navel, and then he was licking under Brian’s navel.  “Brian,” he murmured, “beautiful,” and he dropped a few kisses on Brian’s chest on his way back up.  “Wouldn’t you rather do this upstairs?”

        Brian laughed, lowering his arms and skimming his hands over Drew’s shoulders.  “You’re not going to enjoy this, are you?”

        “You know I’d enjoy this anywhere, at any time,” Drew said, and kissed him.  “But while Aaron’s staying with us, I…”

        “I know.”  Brian kissed him.

        “You know I…”

        “I know,” Brian said again.  “I love him, and I love how happy Nick is to have him here.  But I don’t think it would be good for any of us if Aaron walked in on us.”  His fingers traveled up under Drew’s shirt.  “It is a new experience, only having sex in our bedroom.”

        Drew chuckled.  “I think Nick’s getting claustrophobic.”  They kissed, a long and involved kiss.  Then Drew said, in a low and breathy voice, “Let’s go.”  There was a sort of urgency to his tone, and Aaron realized that they really meant it this time.  He skittered across the hall and into another room, crouching out of sight.  He heard movement, and footsteps, and then they were gone.

        It was wrong, it was all so very wrong, and Aaron had never felt more confused or sickened in his life.

        There was a lot of good humor in their house.  A lot of I’m happy to be here with you.  A lot of I enjoy everything about you.

        There was a lot of desire.  Simmering sexual energy.  Slow-burning chemistry.  The possibility in every look, every touch.

        There was a lot of love.  I love you, we love him, I can’t believe how wonderful you really are.

        And they shared, shared so much, shared everything.  Moments, looks, connections, love for each other.  Brian and Drew shared Nick, loved him separately but also loved him together, gave each other opportunities to enjoy him, got a kick out of enjoying each other’s enjoyment of him.  It was like the only thing that Brian loved more than Nick, was loving how much Drew loved Nick.  Or something like that.  It was really hard to puzzle through.  But they were all like that, about each other, in all possible combinations.

        Aaron fought it.  Struggled with it.  Things weren’t supposed to be this way, weren’t this way, couldn’t be this way.  He’d finally begun to come to terms with the world, and now it was changing again, shifting drastically right under his feet.

        Nick came into his room and sat on his bed.  “What’s wrong?”

        “Can you learn to fucking knock?” Aaron demanded.

        “It’s my house.”

        “It’s my room!  I could have been doing something in here!”

        “What’s wrong?” Nick asked again.

        “Nothing’s wrong.”

        “Okay.  I’ll just stay here until you want to talk about it.”  Nick sprawled out on his back over the bed and started humming.

        Aaron kicked him.

        Nick reached up and started tickling.

        Aaron kicked harder.

        Nick rolled onto his hands and knees and started tickling at that exact horrible spot that he’d been exploiting for all of Aaron’s life.

        Aaron started hitting.  They wrestled across the bed and onto the floor before Aaron kneed Nick a little too close to the groin and they broke apart, panting.

        “So,” Nick said.  “Ow.  What’s wrong?”

        “I hate you,” Aaron said.

        “Oh,” Nick said.

        Silence.

        Aaron decided not to move.

        “For something specific?” Nick asked.

        “You destroyed our family,” Aaron said.  “You ruined our lives.  You ruined my life!  You didn’t have to do this, you didn’t have to-”

        “I had to be me!” Nick shouted.  “Shit,” he muttered, quiet again.  “We talked about this.”

        “It’s Brian’s fault,” Aaron said.  He could hear how angry he sounded, his tone seething.  “If he hadn’t…”

        “Hadn’t what?” Nick asked.  “What’s Brian’s fault?”

        “He fucking seduced you,” Aaron said.  “You were fine, you were normal, before he seduced you.  He fucking perverted you!  This-”

        “Brian didn’t seduce and pervert me!”  Nick sounded almost shocked, and also kind of like he wanted to laugh.  “God, I was pretty perverted already.  Brian didn’t seduce me, I kind of seduced him.  He wasn’t going to touch me.  But gay is gay, I wasn’t seduced into it.  You can’t seduce people gay and you can’t seduce people straight.  You are whoever the hell you are.  I wasn’t straight until Brian touched me, I was always gay.  I was just playing it straight until I found Brian and fell in love so hard I couldn’t fucking pretend anymore.”

        “You aren’t just gay,” Aaron said.  “You’re sucked into it, or you’re rebelling, or you’re molested-”

        “Nobody fucking molested me,” Nick said.

        “I don’t mean Brian, I mean, maybe-”

        “I wasn’t molested,” Nick said.  “The guys never would have let that happen to me.”

        Aaron didn’t know what else to say.  Especially not to that.  Nick was right; the guys never would have let anyone molest him.  But what Nick was implying…

        “Aaron,” Nick said.

        “No,” Aaron said.

        “I’m not saying, I’m just asking.  You didn’t have the guys, and I wasn’t always around to-”

        “No.”  Not that no one had tried, or insinuated, or suggested.  Just, Aaron knew better.

        Nick’s fingers were in his hair; Aaron turned his head to look at Nick.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t always there for you.”

        “You would have been,” Aaron said.  “If you could.”

        “That’s true,” Nick said, “but you don’t believe it.”

        “You chose them,” Aaron said.  “You chose them over us.  You chose them over me.”

        “I wasn’t given that choice,” Nick said, and his eyes were angry, but his touch was warm.  He’d whap Aaron out of passing irritation, but he never touched Aaron with anything like anger.  “I was pushed away and shoved away and told never to come back.”

        “You turned your back on us,” Aaron said.  “You changed your fucking name.  You betrayed us.”

        “I would never betray you,” Nick said.  “I’m still Nick Carter.”

        “You’re Nickolas Gene Carter Littrell fucking Lachey,” Aaron snapped, pulling away, sitting up.  “What the hell are you trying to prove?”

        “Hell, Aaron, I don’t know, maybe that I’m married,” Nick said, sitting up too.  “If I’d married Brian, I would have been Nick Carter Littrell, and if I’d married Drew, I would have been Nick Carter Lachey, but since I married both of them, we decided to go for it.  It’s weird and it’s awkward, but once you’ve mastered the art of kissing two people at the same time, you learn to get over other weird awkward stuff too.”

        “You could have gotten rid of them and come back to us,” Aaron said.

        “I never would have been allowed back in,” Nick said.  “Mom and Dad never would have trusted me.  You’re making this sound like such an easy thing, such an obvious choice.  You know how hard they made everything on me, you know what I had to deal with.  Do you think it’s easy being shunned by your own family?  Do you think it’s easy being talked to like that, being looked at like that?  None of you trust me, or respect me, or want to have anything to do with me!”

        “That’s not true!  That’s not true.”  Aaron struggled.  “I’m fucking here, aren’t I?!”

        “You know I love you,” Nick said, and reached out with both hands.  Aaron took one hand, letting the other tug him closer.  “You know I’d do fucking anything for you.  But if I’d left Brian and Drew, Mom and Dad still wouldn’t have let me in.  I would’ve been alone.  You know I would have.  And it took me a long time to be able to say this, but let me say it: I didn’t deserve that.  I don’t deserve to be alone and rejected and out in the fucking cold.  Brian loves me, Aaron, Drew loves me, they’re so fucking in love with me it’s a miracle, and I wasn’t going to walk away from that to please people who were never going to be happy with anything I did.”

        “What about now?” Aaron asked.

        Nick studied him.  “Are you really going to ask me what I think you’re going to ask me?”

        “If I asked you to leave them and come with me, would you do it?”

        “I’m married,” Nick said.

        “Would you?” Aaron pressed.

        Nick hesitated.  He lowered his gaze to where his fingers were toying with the hair behind Aaron’s ear.  “I’ve always loved you most.  I’ve always put you first.”

        “I know.”

        Nick looked into his eyes.  “Do you?”

        Aaron didn’t even have to think about it.  He’d given it plenty of thought already.  “Yeah.”

        Nick leaned in and kissed his cheek, then pulled back to look into his eyes again.  “It’s time for me to start putting myself first.”

        Aaron squeezed his hand.  “It’s about time.”

        Nick grinned.  “Really?”

        “Yeah.  So, can I ask?  When I was first, who was second?”

        “Brian,” Nick said.  “Drew.  They were second and third, back and forth.”

        “Where were you on the list?”

        “I don’t know, somewhere down around eighty-six,” Nick said.

        “That’s depressing.”

        “Yeah, it wasn’t a lot of fun,” Nick said.  He tousled Aaron’s hair.  “I don’t regret it.  I don’t regret putting you first.  I just wish I’d had a better way of acting on it.  I should’ve changed your situation a long time ago.”

        “I could’ve changed it,” Aaron said.

        “You were ten,” Nick said.  “You didn’t know any better, and you didn’t have any power.”

        “It’s over now, anyway,” Aaron said.  “Things are different.”

        “How different?” Nick asked.  “What’s going on with you?  You’ve been extra weird all day.”

        “Tell me how you guys got together.”

        “Us guys, me and Brian and Drew?” Nick asked, surprised.  “Uh, how detailed do you want me to get?”

        “Give me the plot, without the sex,” Aaron said.

        “Okay.  Um, starting from where?”

        “Wherever.”  Aaron tucked his knees up.

        “Uh…  I met Brian, we all formed the Backstreet Boys, he was my best friend.  He was, I don’t know, I guess he was amazing.  I fell in love with him, I wanted to be closer to him, so I hit on him, I came on to him.  Maybe I seduced him, probably.  We hooked up, we were together.  We were in love.”  Nick hesitated.  “I don’t know how to explain this next part, but I want you to take my word for it.  Brian was in love with me, he wanted to protect me and do what was best for me, so he broke up with me.  There was a lot of shit going around, it was the only thing he could do, and it was what he thought was best.  There was no other way.”

        “He was in love with you, so he broke up with you?”

        “Yeah.  I didn’t know what he knew, I didn’t know about everything else, I just thought he was dumping me because he didn’t want me anymore.  So I was wandering around, heart-broken and miserable, and then I met Drew.  Drew was adorable, he was cute and sexy and he had no idea he was half as hot as he was.  I definitely seduced Drew.  He wasn’t just a virgin, he was innocent.  But he opened right up to me, he fell right in love with me, he was so trusting and so good to me.  He knew about Brian, he knew I was still in love with Brian even when I was so pissed off and so hurt I was denying it.  And Drew knew Brian was still in love with me, he talked to Brian, he could tell.  So he said, okay, Brian’s in love with you, I’m in love with you, Brian can be with you when I can’t be, so maybe we could sort of share you.”

        “Time-share?” Aaron asked.

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “Only, I’m sort of sexually open-minded, so I was like, look, I think Drew’s hot, I think Brian’s hot, I think they’d be twice as hot together.  I was in love with Drew, I was in love with Brian, Drew loved me, Brian loved me, things would be great if we could all be together.  So I hooked them up.  I pushed them together, and they took it from there.  It wasn’t hard, they’d been checking each other out the whole time.  So we were all together.  It got rough sometimes, because any two-person relationship has ups and downs, but we had three people.  And there’s been a lot of bullshit, from my issues to the homophobes to everything else.  But yeah, now we’re great.”

        “Are you…  Would you be with them if you couldn’t have sex with them?”

        “Yeah.  What do you mean?”

        “I don’t know, what if you were celibate or something.”

        “I’d be with them no matter what, under any kind of conditions,” Nick said.  “It’s Brian and Drew.  You couldn’t tear me away from them.  Even if we couldn’t have sex, which, don’t even joke about that, because you have no idea - - anyway, even if we couldn’t have sex, if I could still talk to them, look at them, just be with them…  I’d be scaling mountains to be near Drew, he’s worth it, he’s like the best thing that ever happened to me.  And Brian, nothing could ever separate me from Brian, nothing ever.”

        Aaron wasn’t used to hearing Nick talk like that.  But, then again, he and Nick hadn’t mentioned Drew or Brian for years, while Nick had been developing those feelings.

        “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Nick asked.  “You know I won’t ever get tired of asking.”

        That was true.  Aaron ran his fingers through his hair.  “Gay sex isn’t supposed to be about love.”

        A little frown appeared between Nick’s eyebrows.  “What?”

        “It’s supposed to be about fucking, about getting off, about, I don’t know, a lot of stuff.  It’s not supposed to be about…  I mean, maybe you like whoever you’re with, but it’s not…  It’s like back alleys and truck stops and tricks and…”

        “Sometimes it is,” Nick said.  “Just like sometimes straight sex is about picking up prostitutes, and sometimes it’s about Romeo and Juliet, and it’s everything in between.  Sex isn’t just one thing, ever.”

        “I saw…  I saw Brian and Drew…kissing.  They thought I was in bed, and they went upstairs just in case I woke up and came down anyway, and they never knew I was there, but…  They were kissing, and it was like…  I’ve never seen anyone be like that.  Maybe in movies, or something, but even then…  Nick, they were in love with each other.  They acted like, like they hadn’t been married for years, like it was new.  They were fascinated with each other, and so comfortable with each other, but so…”

        “You’re not supposed to spy on people,” Nick said, but he wasn’t mad.  He looked concerned, like he wanted to make sure Aaron wasn’t traumatized.  “Are you okay?”

        “I’m fine,” Aaron said.  “I’ve seen gay people before.”

        “Aaron, you only hire straight dancers.  You don’t even know any gay people.  I know you’ve never seen two guys make out.”

        “I know a lot of gay people.”

        “You haven’t even worked with half of the people in the industry because you had such a strict screening process.  Don’t give me this jaded attitude.  Are you okay?”

        “Yeah,” Aaron said.  “I mean, no, I’m confused, but I’m not scarred for life or anything.  I didn’t see anything that bad.  They left before anything serious happened.”

        “You’re confused about what, that they’re in love with each other?”

        “I don’t know, I didn’t think it was going to be like that.  I didn’t think it could be like that.  Is…  I don’t know, I keep thinking about, like the way Howie looks at Chris, or the way Brian says your name sometimes, or the way...  That’s not even about sex, that has nothing to do with sex, it’s all about…love.”

        “So you thought, even if men do think they’re in love with other men, it’s all sex-based anyway?” Nick asked.  “You can want people you love, and love people you want, and it gets all mixed up a lot of the time.  Trust me.  But I’m totally in love with Brian, and sometimes when he smiles at me, I feel love, nothing but love, it’s not even about getting laid.”

        “Drew and Brian are…  I’ve been here for a while, I’ve seen them a lot, and I didn’t think it was going to be like that.  Like it was so…special to them.”

        “It is,” Nick said.

        “How many things are different because I’m here?”

        “A lot,” Nick said, reclining back on his hands, his feet in Aaron’s lap.

        Aaron shoved Nick’s feet aside out of habit.  “I mean, between you guys.  Like, I know you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”

        “Neither can you.”

        “Yeah, but you’re at home, with Drew and Brian, so…”

        “If you weren’t here, we’d be touching each other all of the time, little touches, we’d be cuddling and leaning and petting, we’d be kissing every time we turned around, we’d be fucking in every room in the house.  I can’t keep my hands to myself, and Brian can’t keep his hands off of me, and when you add Drew to the mix, it’s a lot of starry-eyed gazing and random groping.”

        “Every room?” Aaron asked, looking around his bedroom.

        “Yep,” Nick said.  “Nice springs on that mattress.”

        “God.”  Aaron scooted away from the bed.

        Nick grinned.  “I won’t tell you what we did in the kitchen.”

        “God.”  Aaron was eating take-out in the hall closet from then on, assuming they hadn’t done anything in there.  Which they probably had.  Oh, god.

        “Sorry.”  Nick ruffled his hair again.  God, that was irritating.  “So, what, you thought I was with Drew for his body?”

        “Are you?”

        “It doesn’t hurt,” Nick said.  “I love Drew’s body, but I love Drew more.  I love Drew for the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way he listens to me.  The way he respects me, the way he admires me, the way he lets me get away with shit sometimes and doesn’t at other times and is always honest with me even when it’s like I’m taking truth from him like peeling away layers of skin.  Drew trusts me, totally trusts me with everything, and you wouldn’t believe how much there is inside him.  He’s gorgeous, and he’s sexy, but it’s not about that.  If I wanted that, I’d just jump JC.  Drew gives me so much more than just orgasms.”

        “Don’t…  Maybe you shouldn’t tell them that I saw them.  They thought I was asleep, they didn’t even get into anything because they were afraid I might come downstairs, and they went upstairs just in case.”

        “Okay,” Nick said.  “You can let me know if anything starts bothering you.”

        “Thanks for not…starting stuff in front of me.”

        “God, it’s hard,” Nick said, dropping fully onto his back.  “It’s so, so, so hard.  You don’t even know how hard it is not to do shit.”

        “You’re married,” Aaron said.  “You’re too old to be screwing like that.”

        “It’s not just sex,” Nick said.  “It is sex, a lot of it’s sex, but it’s…”

        “You like to enjoy each other,” Aaron said.  “You like to celebrate each other.”

        “Yeah, it’s that.”  Nick raised his head.  “When did you get to be smart?”

        “I don’t know, but you’d better start catching up.”

        Nick laughed.

        Drew was still an unknown.  Aaron couldn’t get a handle on him.  He felt like he never would, until he saw Drew with Nick, the way Drew really was when he and Nick were alone together.

        And he’d never see that, if they knew he was watching.

        He tried to come up with ways of spying on them.  Hiding in their bedroom closet was completely out, because then he’d see a lot more than he wanted to.

        Before, when they’d thought he was asleep, Brian and Drew had started messing around.  Except it hadn’t really been messing around, it had been…something he didn’t have a term for.  Something he’d never seen and couldn’t name.

        Maybe if they thought he was asleep, they’d relax.  Or maybe if they thought he was out of the house?  Maybe.  Or if he could leave the house for real, and leave a video camera - - god, he was nuts.  This was crazy.  He was dreaming up elaborate schemes to fucking spy on people.  None of it would ever work, anyway.

        But maybe it was worth a shot.

        Except…Brian and Drew was one thing.  Nick and Drew, well, Nick was his brother, and that was just weird, and he might see a lot more than he was bargaining for.  But he could always leave.  Or “come home” unexpectedly.

        Tuesday, he got downstairs a little later than usual, and Nick told him that Brian was out with JC.  Aaron decided to go for it.  He told Nick he was going out, to shop and hang out with some friends in the area.  No, he didn’t need a fucking baby-sitter.  He’d be back late.  He got dressed and left.

        Once he was gone, he hit a big problem.  He was in a car.  He had to stash the car somewhere and walk back.  He hesitated, then left the community, parked on a side street, and ran back in.  He made it back to the house, prayed for good luck, and ducked inside, listening for movement.

        “Drew!”

        Aaron froze.  Nick’s voice was down the hall, but depending on where Drew was, he’d have to come right past Aaron to get to Nick.  Shit.  Aaron ducked down on the other side of the sofa, making himself as small as possible.  If anyone saw him, he’d have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

        “What?” Drew yelled back from upstairs.

        “Aaron left!”

        Boy, was Nick late in sharing information.

        “Okay!” Drew called.

        Aaron got a little more comfortable.  God knew how long it would take them to get in the same room.

        “Drew!” Nick yelled, sounding more impatient this time.  Footsteps; Nick was coming down the hallway.  He stopped outside of the room Aaron was in, at the bottom of the stairs.

        “What?!” Drew yelled.

        “Aaron left!”

        “I heard you!”  Drew’s voice was louder now.  He was coming down the stairs.  “If you miss him, you can call him.”

        “I’m saying, we’re alone,” Nick said.

        “Really?” Drew asked.

        “Yeah.”

        Shit, they were in the fucking room.  Aaron made himself smaller, squeezing behind the sofa.  It wasn’t even dusty back there.  Hunh.

        “He’s going to be gone for hours,” Nick was saying.  “Hours and hours.”

        “Are you trying to say something?” Drew asked.

        “I’m saying we can do whatever we want.”

        “I’ve always liked water balloon fights,” Drew said.

        “We don’t have balloons.”

        “We could buy some.”

        “We could fuck.”

        “Okay, come on.”

        “No, Drew, not upstairs.  Right here, right now, in this room, in any room, hanging from the fucking ceiling, it doesn’t matter, we can do it wherever we want.”

        “What if he comes back?”

        “He’s not going to come back,” Nick said.  “He won’t be home for hours.”

        Home.  It was just a phrase, but still…home.  Aaron didn’t even have a home, and he hadn’t thought of this as home, but…it was nice of Nick to say it like that.

        “Maybe he will,” Drew said.  “He could come back early for a lot of reasons, and if he does, I don’t want him to walk in on anything.  He can’t even look me in the eye once a day, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see me naked on your dick.”

        Aaron’s eyes widened.

        “But you look so good naked on my dick,” Nick murmured, and Aaron was sure they were touching.  No, he knew Nick; they’d been touching this whole time.

        “Thank you,” Drew said, matching his low, intimate tone.  “Let’s go upstairs.”

        “Let’s fuck right here,” Nick said, and things were quiet.  Aaron listened, and he heard wet, kissing sounds.  Okay, Nick kissing guys, he could handle this.  At least they weren’t at the whole naked on your dick part of the scene, which was still freaking him out.

        Drew made a warm, throaty sound.

        Aaron cursed himself and peeked really fast, ducking down immediately.  Okay, Nick leaning down, Drew reaching up, a lot of tongue, really involved face-sucking, Nick’s hand squeezing Drew’s ass, Drew’s hands pulling and stroking deep in Nick’s hair.

        It was weird, and it made him feel sort of itchy or something.  Like his skin was crawling.

        “Drew,” Nick said, a little breathless.

        “Hmm,” Drew said.  Yeah, they were still kissing.

        “I knew you needed it,” Nick said.  More kissing.

        “Upstairs,” Drew said.  He sounded funny, a little breathy, a little desperate.  “Come upstairs.”

        “What do you want, tell me what you want.”

        “Nick.”  Drew sounded like he was teetering right on the edge of something.

        “I’ll give you whatever you want.”  More kissing sounds, more ragged breathing and aching moans.  Aaron was afraid to look, but he didn’t hear anything like unzipping.

        “Are you sure?” Drew asked.  More kissing.  “Are you sure?”

        “I promise, I promise.”  More kissing.  “I want to fuck you all over the house.”

        Drew made a whole new, very into-it sound.  Aaron peeked super-fast again, and caught them on their way down to the floor.  The floor?  Aaron squirmed around, glad he was skinny and flexible, and found that if he was on his side, he could peer around the side of the sofa, between the table legs.  He could see most of Drew and Nick; Nick was on top, and they were still kissing, a lot.  Nick took off Drew’s shirt, tossing it aside.  Drew made a kind of purring sound and rubbed his hands down Nick’s back, dragging Nick’s shirt up.  Nick kissed Drew’s chest, and Aaron scooted back, not looking.  Shit.  He was going to have to go if-

        “Wait.  Nick, Nick, wait.”  Drew caught his breath.  “Slow down.”

        “Slow down?” Nick repeated.

        “We have hours.  I want it to take hours.  I want to touch you, I just want to be together.  We haven’t had any time to just be together.”  Aaron slid forward enough to see; Drew had his hands in Nick’s hair again.  “Be with me.”

        “I can’t fuck you first?” Nick asked.  “Just one?”

        Drew laughed.  “You can wait five minutes.”

        “So, what, you want to talk about something?” Nick asked, bracing himself on his forearms.

        “No,” Drew said softly.  His fingertips traced Nick’s hairline, gently pushing back Nick’s hair.  “I just want to be with you.”

        “Drew,” Nick said, like it hurt, just a little.

        Drew’s fingers skimmed down Nick’s nose, traced around it.  “I miss you.”

        “I miss you, too, angel.”  Nick kissed him gently.

        “Brian misses you,” Drew said, drawing lines over Nick’s eyebrows.  “It’s starting to show in his eyes.”  Drew’s thumbs stroked over Nick’s jaw.  “He wanted you so badly last night.”

        “Tell me about it.”  Nick rubbed his thumb over Drew’s lower lip.  “We need to start soundproofing our room.”

        Drew smiled.

        “Can I fuck you now?” Nick asked.

        “Not yet.”  Drew touched Nick’s mouth.  “You’re so beautiful.”  His fingers drifted across Nick’s cheeks.  “So beautiful,” he murmured, more to himself than anything.

        Nick closed his eyes.

        Drew touched the fringe of Nick’s lashes.  “I wish Brian were here for this.”

        “I called him.”  Nick opened his eyes.  Drew’s fingers traced around his ears, then slid back into his hair.  “He’ll be home as soon as he can.  When are you going to let me get a haircut?”

        “In a few weeks.”  Drew pulled Nick in for a kiss.  “Make love to me,” he whispered.  “I want it to take hours.”

        “God, Drew.”  Nick moaned and kissed him harder, hands traveling.

        Okay, time to go, years ago.  Aaron backed up slowly, carefully - - wait - - oh shit - - oh no - - oh fuck-

        Crash!

        Silence.

        “What the fuck?  Did you kick that?”

        “I’m the whole way over here,” Drew said.

        “I didn’t do it!  Did you buy a dog?”

        “No, I didn’t buy a dog.”

        “Then what the…  Wait.”

        Aaron tried to fit under the sofa.  Fuck.  He tried to-

        “Okay, I guess you have a really good explanation for this.”

        He didn’t dare look up.  Nick’s voice was right overhead, and he knew that Nick was looking right at him over the back of the sofa, but if he didn’t move, maybe-

        “It’s okay, it’s just Aaron,” Nick said.

        “Shit!”  That would be Drew, scrambling for his shirt.

        “Were you coming in or leaving?” Nick asked.

        “Leaving,” Aaron told the floor.

        “And you’ve been here how long?”

        “The…whole time.  Ow!  Ow, ow, ow!  Ow!”  He got to his feet, lifted by Nick’s hand in his hair.  He shoved Nick off, rubbing his scalp, avoiding looking anywhere near Drew, who was now completely dressed and standing with his arms over his chest.

        “What am I supposed to do, send you to your room?”

        Aaron shot Nick a “try it” look, but since he didn’t exactly have the upper hand at that moment, Nick just glared at him, and he turned red and went back to looking at the floor.

        “You should work this out alone,” Drew said.

        “No, hold on,” Nick said.  “Aaron wants to apologize to you.”

        Aaron wanted to glare at Nick, but he was feeling pretty ashamed.  And he probably owed Drew some kind of apology.  He just didn’t appreciate being pushed into it.  He sucked in his breath, running his hand over his hair, glancing at Drew.  “Sorry.  I shouldn’t have…been here.”

        “Yeah, that was heartfelt,” Nick said.  He turned and kissed Drew.  “Tell Brian he can stop hurrying home.  It turns out we have company after all.”

        Drew hesitated, glanced at Aaron, and left.

        Aaron burned with shame and resentment.

        Nick sat on the sofa, tugging on his arm.  “Sit down.”

        Aaron climbed over the back of the sofa, dropping onto it, pissed off, avoiding Nick’s gaze.

        “Are you doing a complete one-eighty from hating homophobe to pervy peeping tom, or what?” Nick asked.  “What’s going on?”

        “I wasn’t - - Jesus, Nick, I don’t want to watch, god.  I’m not trying to watch you have sex.”

        “Yeah, and I don’t want you watching me have sex, either, so you’d better never do this again.”

        “It’s not like a fucking habit,” Aaron said.

        “You watched Brian and Drew.”

        “That was an accident!”

        “This wasn’t.”

        Yeah, well, shit.  Aaron glanced at Nick; Nick was confused, and acting pissed, but not really mad.  “I didn’t see anything…you know…”

        “We didn’t get to anything, you know,” Nick said.

        “I was leaving.”

        “Why were you here in the first place?”

        “I wanted to see.”  Shit, not like, not see.  “I wanted to understand.”

        Nick was confused.  “Understand what?”

        “What it’s like, what he’s like.  What’s going on, why you’re together.”

        “You want to understand our relationship,” Nick said.

        Well…  “Yeah.”

        “You couldn’t just ask?”

        Aaron shrugged.

        “So you left, and came right back and snuck in?”

        “I left the car and walked back.”  Ran back.  Whatever.

        “I can’t believe…  God.  This is…  The last thing I want is you anywhere near my sex life.”

        “Like I’m, Jesus.”  Aaron shivered.

        “You could just talk to Drew.  That might be easier.  Or, you know, less disturbing.”

        “You weren’t doing anything.”

        “Like that makes it okay.”

        “I’m sorry, okay?  I wasn’t trying to, I wasn’t going to…  I just…  I’m trying to understand.”

        Nick poked him in the forehead.  “Talk.”  Poke.  “To.”  Poke.  “Drew.”

        Aaron smacked Nick’s hand away.  “I’m sure he wants to talk to me now.”

        “You could talk to Brian.  Brian loves to talk about me and about Drew.”

        Well, maybe.

        “Go get my car.”

        “It’s my car,” Aaron said, looking up.

        “It’s my car now,” Nick said.  “You’re grounded.”

        “I’m eighteen!”

        “Whatever.  Go get my car.  No, just go.  You go out and stay gone for hours.  I don’t want you back until midnight.  Midnight, not one minute earlier.  I see you at eleven fifty-nine, I’m kicking your ass.  You owe me time alone with Drew, and it’s going to take me time just to get him back in the mood again, now that we’re all freaked out.”

        Aaron wanted to argue, but Nick kind of had a point.

        Nick kissed his forehead.  “I’m not mad at you.  Drew’s not, either.  Now go so I can coax him back down here.”

        “What am I supposed to do until midnight?”

        “That’s your problem.”

        “Stay out of my room.”  Aaron left, starting down the drive.  He couldn’t believe he’d gotten caught.  Fuck.  That was completely humiliating, and so hard to explain.  Nick had understood, mostly, but Drew would think he was a complete pervert, and so would Brian.  He was going to have to move out, like tomorrow, and that sucked, because he had nowhere to go.

        And he kind of liked staying there.  Despite everything, Brian and Drew were really nice to him, and Nick was there.

        He’d just seen Nick in a whole new light, a light he’d really never wanted to see, and ew.  Ick.  Shudder of disgust.

        He’d also just seen Drew in a whole new light.  He’d wanted information on Drew, and damn, he’d gotten it.  Drew was in love with Nick; there was no question about that.  And Drew had been aroused, and moaning, and whispering things like “Make love to me,” and…

        Aaron shivered and walked faster.

        “Aaron.”

        He turned.  Brian was on the stairs, one hand on the railing, looking at him with warmth and concern in the dim light.

        “Come here.”

        He walked over, unsure.  Brian pulled him in, the banister between them, Brian’s hands on his shoulders, his face buried in Brian’s chest.  Through his shirt, Brian smelled the way Aaron remembered from years and years and years ago, and that was reassuring.  Brian stroked his hair.  Aaron had been gripping the handrail, but he couldn’t maintain the tension in his body; he gave in, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Brian.  Brian’s fingers in his hair soothed him.

        “Nick told me what happened,” Brian said softly, still petting.  “Are you okay?”

        “I’m sorry,” Aaron said to Brian’s chest.  He almost felt like crying or something.  He was so confused, and so ashamed…

        “It’s okay,” Brian said.  He made it sound like it really was okay.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

        “No.”

        Brian kissed his hair and gently pulled back.  Aaron let go, making himself look up at Brian’s face.  Brian touched his cheek.  “Are you all right?  I’ve talked a lot to Nick and Kevin.  I know how things were for you.  What you saw today, as simple as it was, went against everything you’ve been taught.”

        Aaron’s first instinct was to defend his family, but Brian’s voice made the words less of an accusation.  “I…”

        “It’s okay.”

        “What…  What should I do?”  He’d convinced himself he was going to have to move out, but now…

        “You can talk to Nick, or to me,” Brian said.  “You can talk to Drew.”

        He was never going to be able to look Drew in the eye again.  He wasn’t going to be in the same room as Drew, ever.

        “It’s okay,” Brian said again.  A little smile.  “It’s late.  Little boys should be in bed.”

        “I’m eighteen.”  Was it that hard to understand?

        Brian’s thumb rubbed across the stubble on his chin.  “Maybe you are.”  Brian tickled that sensitive spot behind his ear.  “Go to bed.”  Brian turned and walked back upstairs.

        Aaron went to bed feeling a lot better and a lot more settled.